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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Im so tired

118 replies

niassfattie · 09/05/2026 11:35

After a week of broken sleep, working full time and upset over a job.... I've now got a toddler who woke up 2 hours early and he had a late night..

He wakes me up by crying and my nervous system is shot.

I'm walking in the pram to get some distance from him but I'm just not coping. He's 2.5 half and I managed to get in a good shop and he tried to sleep on the way there/home. But wouldn't sleep when home.

I'm honestly going to lose it today and he's really testing me with normal toddler stuff like "mine... No mummy" etc
.

I don't have any support or any friends

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:23

Peabody25 · 09/05/2026 15:49

If he’s happy while in his buggy, for today I’d just get out of the house again, go for a long walk if it’s not raining and just wander.

I’d buy myself some lovely snacks and an easy tea for tonight after he’s in bed then just get an early night tonight. You’re in the trenches right now but it does get easier as they get older.

Ihome because I couldn't continue. I think I'm really tired myself and had a little micro sleep. I was standing waiting to cross the road and the next minute I felt myself fall

OP posts:
somanychristmaslights · 09/05/2026 16:25

niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:22

You don't have ideas but others will

Show quote history

Where’s his dad? Can’t he help?

Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:25

Peabody25 · 09/05/2026 15:49

If he’s happy while in his buggy, for today I’d just get out of the house again, go for a long walk if it’s not raining and just wander.

I’d buy myself some lovely snacks and an easy tea for tonight after he’s in bed then just get an early night tonight. You’re in the trenches right now but it does get easier as they get older.

He's 2.5 abd people have been saying this for 2.5 years.

OP posts:
Overthebow · 09/05/2026 16:28

niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:21

There is. There has to be

Show quote history

Sometimes there just isn’t unless you have money to pay for help or family support. I sympathise, I have ASD and ADHD and have spent the last 5 years in almost constant overwhelm, but the only way I even kind of manage it is to take it in turns with my DH to have time out regularly. I couldn’t be a single parent.

balancenotperfection · 09/05/2026 16:37

For nervous system regulation I really like 360 breathing, making sure I've had enough water, magnesium supplements (appreciate this might be a bit much but they help long term).
Also rephrasing it as "my toddler isn't giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time" which sounds much easier in theory.

Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:44

Overthebow · 09/05/2026 16:28

Sometimes there just isn’t unless you have money to pay for help or family support. I sympathise, I have ASD and ADHD and have spent the last 5 years in almost constant overwhelm, but the only way I even kind of manage it is to take it in turns with my DH to have time out regularly. I couldn’t be a single parent.

Show quote history

So when your husband leaves you and you can't cope, you going to find it helpful with people with support coming on saying there is way to regulate the nervous system and they are so lucky they have support. So just suck it up butter cup..

Also why do the adhd-autustic community always have to tell strangers they have autism and ADHD. It's just bizarre and nothing to do with the situation.

If you think you can't cope without a partner what you going to do if he did die it leave you? Weird comment for you to make and not helpful.

Are you also saying autistic and ADHD people can't parent because they can't do it alone?

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:49

balancenotperfection · 09/05/2026 16:37

For nervous system regulation I really like 360 breathing, making sure I've had enough water, magnesium supplements (appreciate this might be a bit much but they help long term).
Also rephrasing it as "my toddler isn't giving me a hard time, they're having a hard time" which sounds much easier in theory.

Thanks. I always forgot that he's not being hard.

I find the breatjing so hard. I've worked on it when I'm not stressed but just can't seem to master it.... I'm either rushing to work/nursery/chores/work etc than I can't get to the point of mastering it when I'm not stressed

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:50

I find it so not helpful when people say "I couldn't be a single parent". Like what the fuck will you do when it does happen to you? Just not parent. Grow the hell up.

OP posts:
DurinsBane · 09/05/2026 16:59

niassfattie · 09/05/2026 16:44

So when your husband leaves you and you can't cope, you going to find it helpful with people with support coming on saying there is way to regulate the nervous system and they are so lucky they have support. So just suck it up butter cup..

Also why do the adhd-autustic community always have to tell strangers they have autism and ADHD. It's just bizarre and nothing to do with the situation.

If you think you can't cope without a partner what you going to do if he did die it leave you? Weird comment for you to make and not helpful.

Are you also saying autistic and ADHD people can't parent because they can't do it alone?

Edited
Show quote history

I appreciate you are overwhelmed and so so tired (probably more than I can imagine) but just to let you know that you are really snapping at people. The poster here was being nice and sympathetic, and you have almost bitten her head off. I am certain she won’t be offended as can understand what you are going through, but I had to mention it to you in case you aren’t aware. I know people often aren’t aware when they are exhausted or overwhelmed.

Original poster
niassfattie · 09/05/2026 17:06

DurinsBane · 09/05/2026 16:59

I appreciate you are overwhelmed and so so tired (probably more than I can imagine) but just to let you know that you are really snapping at people. The poster here was being nice and sympathetic, and you have almost bitten her head off. I am certain she won’t be offended as can understand what you are going through, but I had to mention it to you in case you aren’t aware. I know people often aren’t aware when they are exhausted or overwhelmed.

Show quote history

No she wasnt.

Respectfully if people don't have anything helpful to add stop wasting everyones times?

Of course there are always to lower the stress hormones.

Respectfully, imagine if her mum said "I couldn't cope with an autistic ADHD child all lone". Maybe you will understand.

Perhaps you need to be lead by people who need help support, this thread isn't for you or by you.

OP posts:
Jellybunny98 · 10/05/2026 07:28

The problem is OP that while I totally agree that you shouldn’t usually ignore this feeling and should deal with nervous system overload, when you are taking care of a 2 year old on your own and have no help available that just isn’t always possible or easy to do.

There are things you could try as PP says the breathing is worth a go, make sure you are eating regularly to avoid sugar crashes adding to it, wash face with cold water, walking is a movement that it supposed to discharge stress. But ultimately the things that work best here is just a break to reset, even an hour totally on your own with no noise because it’s going to be difficult to calm yourself when you can’t remove yourself from the source of the stress- being with a young child like this 24/7 does quite literally put your body into “alert mode” and you can’t really breathe your way out of that.

Similarly the next best thing is sleep, going to sleep at the same time and waking up at the same time which just isn’t possible with a 2 year old (I wish it was!)

hopspot · 10/05/2026 07:39

You say the child is at nursery. Could you up their hours? Tv isn’t all bad either. CBeebies channel with things like In the night garden are gentle.

GotTheBaby · 10/05/2026 07:41

You are being really rude to people but I’m going to ignore that for now and make a few other suggestions.

Loop earplugs to block out some noise, I can only wear one otherwise I can’t hear the kids properly but it takes the edge off

You need to reduce cortisol and increase dopamine. So reduce the stress - however you do that works best for you - then find something rewarding.

Google vagus nerve exercises, it’s a bit gimmicky but you might find one that you like.

decide whether or not you’re going to try to get rest (ie tv for toddler) and then pick stuff that you can do lying down or decide that you won’t get any rest anyway and go outside:
yoga stretches. Breathing exercises. Put on some music and dance and get your toddler to join in. Go outside if you have a garden and walk around on the grass barefoot. Help your toddler to regulate too so hold him and rock him. Maybe sing as well. Go to a park or other place with other people around, sometimes helps me regulate because I know I can’t lose the plot in front of other people. if you have the money, consider a night nanny for a couple of nights to give you some proper rest.

WiltedLettuce · 10/05/2026 08:51

OP, there are degrees of bad in parenting.

What I would do in your situation is stick the TV on for a couple of hours and take a duvet downstairs and doze on the sofa.

Is it ideal? No. Is it how many thousands of children are parented when their parents are too unwell or tired to parent them properly? Yes.

For me personally, the evils of too much TV are outweighed by the likelihood of reaching a stage where I'm so overwhelmed that I'm breaking down in front of my child and screaming at them for being a child. I know my limits and, when I reach them, I consciously reduce demands on myself even if it results in some shit parenting for a bit.

The other thing I do is stick earphones in, turn the music up, tackle the housework and think "I can't hear you!" whenever anyone moans.

Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:22

WiltedLettuce · 10/05/2026 08:51

OP, there are degrees of bad in parenting.

What I would do in your situation is stick the TV on for a couple of hours and take a duvet downstairs and doze on the sofa.

Is it ideal? No. Is it how many thousands of children are parented when their parents are too unwell or tired to parent them properly? Yes.

For me personally, the evils of too much TV are outweighed by the likelihood of reaching a stage where I'm so overwhelmed that I'm breaking down in front of my child and screaming at them for being a child. I know my limits and, when I reach them, I consciously reduce demands on myself even if it results in some shit parenting for a bit.

The other thing I do is stick earphones in, turn the music up, tackle the housework and think "I can't hear you!" whenever anyone moans.

Yes and I'm at that limit where I can't stand the noise of the TV, being touched by him, having to be there physically and mentally.... I've had those duvet days and this is beyond that ..

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:22

GotTheBaby · 10/05/2026 07:41

You are being really rude to people but I’m going to ignore that for now and make a few other suggestions.

Loop earplugs to block out some noise, I can only wear one otherwise I can’t hear the kids properly but it takes the edge off

You need to reduce cortisol and increase dopamine. So reduce the stress - however you do that works best for you - then find something rewarding.

Google vagus nerve exercises, it’s a bit gimmicky but you might find one that you like.

decide whether or not you’re going to try to get rest (ie tv for toddler) and then pick stuff that you can do lying down or decide that you won’t get any rest anyway and go outside:
yoga stretches. Breathing exercises. Put on some music and dance and get your toddler to join in. Go outside if you have a garden and walk around on the grass barefoot. Help your toddler to regulate too so hold him and rock him. Maybe sing as well. Go to a park or other place with other people around, sometimes helps me regulate because I know I can’t lose the plot in front of other people. if you have the money, consider a night nanny for a couple of nights to give you some proper rest.

I'm going to ignore you.

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:23

hopspot · 10/05/2026 07:39

You say the child is at nursery. Could you up their hours? Tv isn’t all bad either. CBeebies channel with things like In the night garden are gentle.

Up there hours from full time? I work full time and they are in nursery full time....

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:24

Jellybunny98 · 10/05/2026 07:28

The problem is OP that while I totally agree that you shouldn’t usually ignore this feeling and should deal with nervous system overload, when you are taking care of a 2 year old on your own and have no help available that just isn’t always possible or easy to do.

There are things you could try as PP says the breathing is worth a go, make sure you are eating regularly to avoid sugar crashes adding to it, wash face with cold water, walking is a movement that it supposed to discharge stress. But ultimately the things that work best here is just a break to reset, even an hour totally on your own with no noise because it’s going to be difficult to calm yourself when you can’t remove yourself from the source of the stress- being with a young child like this 24/7 does quite literally put your body into “alert mode” and you can’t really breathe your way out of that.

Similarly the next best thing is sleep, going to sleep at the same time and waking up at the same time which just isn’t possible with a 2 year old (I wish it was!)

Edited

Hi I'm sorry but I'm way beyond that point. My schedule was such that I would be out and about and know what are the triggers, have rests etc, I eat well, but I'm at the point now where I can't cope. I had five hours sleep last night, broken.

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:25

DurinsBane · 09/05/2026 16:59

I appreciate you are overwhelmed and so so tired (probably more than I can imagine) but just to let you know that you are really snapping at people. The poster here was being nice and sympathetic, and you have almost bitten her head off. I am certain she won’t be offended as can understand what you are going through, but I had to mention it to you in case you aren’t aware. I know people often aren’t aware when they are exhausted or overwhelmed.

Show quote history

Hi, go away. Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:25

Why do people always need to make themselves the main character? It's exhausting

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:26

hopspot · 10/05/2026 07:39

You say the child is at nursery. Could you up their hours? Tv isn’t all bad either. CBeebies channel with things like In the night garden are gentle.

The RV also made him not sleep for hours yesterday....he was falling asleep watching TV, eyes going, but could I get him away from it.... Also his bahevour is very bad when he watches it for more than an hour, so I limit it..

OP posts:
Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:27

I guess people just don't understand and no one is helping.

Thergre I've decided to call social services and have him removed. I've had 3 years of this and I'm honestly not coping..I can't do it any more. I can't look after myself. Goodnight

OP posts:
ChickenBananaBanana · 10/05/2026 11:35

niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:27

I guess people just don't understand and no one is helping.

Thergre I've decided to call social services and have him removed. I've had 3 years of this and I'm honestly not coping..I can't do it any more. I can't look after myself. Goodnight

Good luck with that op
People aren't helping as there isn't anything else to suggest

Femalemachinest · 10/05/2026 11:44

Are you feeling overwhelmed in general?
I dont have a child so apologies i cant give you much advice there. But I live alone and sometimes find dealing with everything that having a house comes with difficult, even without a child added into the mix. If i feel like that I skip jobs that need doing but can be left for another day, rinse pots wash another day, might not hoover etc. Anything that can give me a break.

Would your child settle in bed with you? Or a playpen with some toys so you can have a nap close by but they're safe? Can you take any annual leave, even if its half a day so you can catch up with some sleep? Speak with a doctor maybe?

Im sorry I cant really help, I hope you find a solution.

Original poster
niassfattie · 10/05/2026 11:47

Femalemachinest · 10/05/2026 11:44

Are you feeling overwhelmed in general?
I dont have a child so apologies i cant give you much advice there. But I live alone and sometimes find dealing with everything that having a house comes with difficult, even without a child added into the mix. If i feel like that I skip jobs that need doing but can be left for another day, rinse pots wash another day, might not hoover etc. Anything that can give me a break.

Would your child settle in bed with you? Or a playpen with some toys so you can have a nap close by but they're safe? Can you take any annual leave, even if its half a day so you can catch up with some sleep? Speak with a doctor maybe?

Im sorry I cant really help, I hope you find a solution.

Edited

They are 3 so can't go in a playpen.

No Im just so tired

OP posts: