Im so tired

[niassfattie]

After a week of broken sleep, working full time and upset over a job.... I've now got a toddler who woke up 2 hours early and he had a late night..

He wakes me up by crying and my nervous system is shot.

I'm walking in the pram to get some distance from him but I'm just not coping. He's 2.5 half and I managed to get in a good shop and he tried to sleep on the way there/home. But wouldn't sleep when home.

I'm honestly going to lose it today and he's really testing me with normal toddler stuff like "mine... No mummy" etc
.

I don't have any support or any friends

I've literally spoken to everyone and no one is helping. I'm on all the anti depressnats, max dosage. Sick of life

Maybe go back to the doctors?
How much sleep are you actually getting? Could it be worth a blood test to see if it could be something else?

Could you take some leave this week and have a few days to rest?

I don’t think it’s that nobody is understanding or not wanting to help OP, just that reality is you are solely taking care of a toddler with no support whether that is friends/family/partner/babysitter and once you reach the stage you are at there is no magic breathing exercise, meditation, diet or pill that is going to help. You need a reset, desperately.

Once you get back to a more even base then there are preventative things you could try to put in place like the breathing, walking, eating well, maybe headphones etc to try and prevent it getting to this stage again but genuinely at this point there isn’t a magic solution.

It’s not that I don’t understand, I do, having two very young children myself I know it is relentless but the kind of help you need is hands on and in person which nobody here can provide.

I’m sorry you’re feeling like this, it’s utterly horrendous. No one has a magic tip to help you because you just have to get through it however you can - you are in the trenches and it’s insufferable but there is lots of support on this thread from those of us who have been through this and are on the other side or those still going through it offering you solidarity, I’m sorry you are so overwhelmed you can’t see the helpful advice you are being given.

can you ring in sick tomorrow and have a day while he is in nursery to try and reset yourself - take the week if you need to. Catch up on sleep and chores and do some nice things for you - a nice coffee or a shopping trip. Then when you collect from nursery try and do something nice - go for a walk, an ice cream - anything to spend an hour of quality time together - you won’t be stressed and overwhelmed because you will have had all day to yourself.

nothing you can do today is going to resolve these issues, please just get through and take a week to rest and reset.

i wish you all the best xx

That could be a good idea, social services should be able to give some support if you tell them you aren’t coping.

They don't.... I've asked and they don't give help for people who are tired, it's for those with disabled/Nd children, those at risk, domestic abuse, children at risk etv. They just refer on to early help and the service just refer on. They tell me to get signed of work but then I won't get enough money.

Thank you but I can't take another sick day as I'm on review for sickness :(

Is tiredness your aim issue? Can you go to bed as soon as toddler goes to bed and you might get some more sleep?

Can you take annual leave? How have you got through today - is it nearly bed time? X

My just under 2 year old used to wake for the day at 3 and nothing I could do would get them back to sleep so I really sympathise with exhaustion.

The only thing that helped me was going to bed the minute they went to sleep, being in her room that was safe and lying on the floor and having a nap
as she played, I’m sure that’s bad advice but it’s the only way I could cope.

Have you got enough time to have a nap during lunch? Like in your car with your alarm set?

I had a really intense toddler and soft play was a lifesaver. Enclosed so you're not chasing them and sometimes depending on the set up you can sit down with a cup of tea. I also found that getting him really physically tired during the day and avoiding a nap if I could meant he slept better at night. I basically had to run him around to burn it all off. I have so much sympathy though it was a terrible period in my life, I was exhausted all the time.

Hi, OP. I’m a single parent with a non-napping baby / toddler. I get the crushing tiredness that you’re talking about! I’ve been walking them in their pram before and realised I was asleep. If I wanted them to sleep, I’d have to drive non-stop for 2 hours. Obviously no break for me and I was exhausted but it stopped the noise / whinging. I’m sorry, it’s not much help but I get it. I find that if we’re out of the house completely for the day(different things) that helps as you’re not sat down thinking how tired you are. It did take me a long time to come round to this way of thinking though! I also co-sleep and on bad days, we go to bed together. Oh and fully agree - tv = awful behaviour with mine so I removed it entirely.

Happy to dm for support if you want it xx

Thank you. It wasny safe for me to drive this weekend. People don't understand do they.... And yes TV bad.

Thanks but all the ones around me I have to supervise :(

No. I don't think you realise it's the nervous system being fired all the time. No break.

Thanks unfortunayky I have housework to do tonight.

No I can't nap in my car, that would amount to being sacked and that's happened to someone before

I’m really sorry @niassfattie, it sounds incredibly hard.

Maybe not an instant relief but could you take some holiday from work and get a few days rest while your little one is at nursery? How soon could you take leave? Is there a minimum notice period?

Ah op leave the housework tonight and rest, it can wait. Can you take some leave from work?

Honestly if you’re that tired that you want social services to remove your child, you need to not do housework tonight and go straight to sleep (like right now). There is no housework that could be more important than that.

Then on other days, do the housework while toddler is awake. Get them involved in the jobs - yes it takes longer but it means that when they rest or sleep, so can you.

Assume you have the best black out blind you can get in their room?

I would definitely be going back to the doctors as well as this sounds like more than just tiredness / nervous system being overwhelmed.

I massively sympathise, my three year old has never slept well, regularly wakes up throughout the day and then his older brother is always up before 6. I am constantly feeling trapped in fight or flight, touched out, overwhelmed etc so I do get it, but people have shared some really useful advice on here so I would try to take that on board.

I agree with the person who says getting out the house is the best way to cope. If we’re not out by 9am of a weekend then I’m losing the plot and the kids are going wild. Our best days are ones where we leave first thing and they fall asleep in the car on the way home at 7/8pm.

Agree to leaving the house work. Nothing bad will happen if you leave it another night or so.

Holiday is the only option if you don’t want to be sick.
I don’t know where you work but sickness can be a supportive process, how long have you worked there?

Also, when I was in the absolute pits of despair through sleep deprivation, a friend pointed out I’d survived every tired day before now. That really gave me a different perspective and helps still now. I just take it day by day, do whatever I can for the easiest life to get through to bedtime (theirs and mine at the same time) on the toughest days, and then make the most of the less tough days.

Yeah only one mum has died from exhaustion due to her disabled child, but it's a different ball game when you are on mat leave and can watch TV all day to when you have to leave the house, work, toddlers are different and you need to be a different person. Sure I'm not saying mat leave was easy, but I also don't want to go back to suicidal thoughts, self worth, constantly crying and eating nothing.