To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

[Ilostallthepens]

I go to a strength training class a few times a week. It’s almost always all women, class size is about 15. I’m not especially strong or experienced at lifting weights but I notice I’m always lifting the heaviest (sometimes by a long way) than every other person there. I’m also working to my maximum capacity for the 8-12 reps we’re doing. I’m huffing and puffing and sweating doing bicep curls with an 8kg dumbbell in each hand and I look over and the woman next to me is lifting a couple of 2kg dumbbells with no visible effort at all. I see this in a lot of the women there. They don’t seem to push themselves to their limit or even that close to it. I’m talking about women a similar age to myself that have been going to the gym for at least as long as me. I get some people may not want to push themselves to their max effort for whatever reason, eg. an injury, but I’m seeing lots of women seemingly not putting in half the amount of effort that they seem capable of and over a long period of time. So this makes me think the reason must be they don’t believe they are capable of lifting heavier, or they don’t want to lift to their max ability for some reason. Why do you think this is? Have you experienced this? Do you not work to max capacity in the gym? If not, why not?

Isn’t that the whole point of an anonymous forum? A place to ask questions about things you wonder about that you can’t ask someone IRL because it would OBVIOUSLY offend them because it’s a personal question and you don’t know the person? It being “none of my business” isn’t the point. I know it’s none of my business but that doesn’t mean I can’t be curious about something. People post questions on here all the time that are none of their business!

@Ilostallthepens I’ll engage with your point about curiosity in good faith, though I’m not sure it was entirely made in good faith.

I agree, I am idly curious about a lot of things I see in daily life and think mumsnet is a great place to get answers. So I think it’s fine to be curious and to ask. But it’s the FRAMING of your question that I think people are finding challenging and if you read it back through that lens then I’m sure you’ll see it too.

it’s in AIBU, which you must know is not the place for true curiosity. It’s a place that actually invites judgment, so by the very nature of posting it here, is judgmental

the title: AIBU to think some women could lift heavier in the gym? It’s not framed as a question about seeking to inform or learn. You have decided that some women could lift heavier in the gym and you are asking if that opinion is unreasonable.

You’ve said that you notice how you are the only one lifting heavier weights and that others are choosing lighter ones by a long way. People are struggling to understand why/how you are noticing. When I am working out I am thinking solely about my own form, weights, what’s coming next etc. People have found it odd because it suggests you are actively looking, which implies judgment.

You’ve equated effort with goals, and that might not be true. It might be. And I’m sure you are right that for some women they don’t know what they are capable of, or have believed myths about bulk. But they might have a tonne of other reasons for going to the gym, that are different to your goals. Why do you lift 8kgs and get huffy and puffy? That might not be why Jane or Deborah goes.

Your message is DRIPPING with judgment, not curiosity.

Training to be an ego driven arse though I take it. Your asking a pointles question that doesn’t need to be answered or asked it’s a simple situation an answer to which I know “ they just don’t want to lift heavy” and In your case it will be “ I’m better than anyone in this class cause I act like a dick and can lift 8kg” go to bed you absolute melt

Oh, I agree

Working out for leisure and enjoyment seems to have gone out of fashion at the moment

I think that's a shame. There are so many types of exercise to enjoy and so many ways to do weights but only the really hard workouts seem to get publicity at the moment.

I got into the gym to manage work stress and I think that's a healthy way to manage it

But if you lift too heavy too fast, you can easily be injuring yourself in that 6 months without knowing. You seem a bit novice, TBH, because you'd realise that heavier isn't better, how injuries occur over time, etc.

Weird thread, altogether, since you've had explanations but doubling down on a flawed view.

@Ilostallthepens

I think it depends on the average age of the group. Some women are very much still in the mindset that lifting heavy weights makes them bulky. Some women do not want to exert themselves.

A lot of people do not realise how much weight/resistance is needed as a protective measure against muscle waste as you get older.

Any exercise is better than nothing at all, so regardless of how much they do/don't lift they are doing something great for themselves.

@Ilostallthepens you're not just asking questions though, are you? You're judging. You're judging other women based on what you think you (and by implication, they) should be doing.

You’re not going to get those results if you don’t challenge yourself a bit
But you do t know what results they want.
Everyone is on their own journey. Leave it at that.

So what results do these women want by lifting a weight that (by the looks of it, obviously I can’t know for sure) doesn’t provide any kind of resistance, so therefore doesn’t work their muscles at all? What result are they looking for by doing that?

It doesn't matter what they want. They are doing their thing, you do yours.

They are still moving and exercising their body. How many more times do you have to be told that what other people do in the gym is their buisness.

I’ll tell you what I do in the gym:
Exactly what I want because I pay my fees like everyone else.
You actually don’t know why anyone is there. You’ve said people are there to get stronger/build fitness/grow muscle but actually there will be people there just happy to get out of their house for an hour without their kids. There will be people there using that time for pure escapism. I go with my son as it’s a nice bit of bonding time for us, he does a lot of football/cricket/snooker stuff with his dad, this is something we enjoy doing together. If we get stronger in the process - great, but my objective is to embrace something that he enjoys and take part in it with him.
The weights people are using are absolutely none of your business.

I'm not sure how you can so confidently state that. Almost everyone I know is recovering from sort of sports related injury. It's the main topic of conversation at work, after the weather.
I've got a shoulder tear myself from too heavy lifting.

I go to the gym.
I lift. Heavier than some, lighter than others.
I look around me and I do watch other people..... and I silently cheer on every fucking woman I see in there no matter what they are doing or how much they are lifting. It's not a competition.
Kudos to any woman who shows up and has a go.

Osteoporosis is not an injury

Actually, thinking about it, women lifting light weights will also be helping to keep their bone density up

@CypressGrove yes that is definitely a thing! And I'm quite convinced that all the tough workouts are causing more injuries than I used to see in the past.

I hope no one feels intimidated by post like OP - I know a lot of people find the gym very intimidating because they think people are judging, unfortunately that may be true....

You probably wouldn’t go to this class then. You’re not the kind of gym goer I’m talking about. This class is specifically for lifting heavy weights. It’s advertised like that - ‘for women who want to build muscle, beat personal bests week after week’ - something like that. It’s literally designed for trying to reach your max lifting potential. That is why I don’t understand some of the people that go there. It’s much more expensive than regular strength training classes too, so if they wanted to do a normal one why not go to a normal one?

No such class exists

This. Is. Not. The. Gym. Read my post. This is a weight lifting class designed to increase lifting ability

YANBU OP, but unless posters are into strength training they won’t understand. There is little point in lifting weights if the weight you are lifting isn’t heavy enough! It won’t improve your health or protect your longevity.

Also people don’t realise until they start strength training, that it’s almost impossible to “bulk up” as a female! It’s very, very difficult for women to gain significant amounts of muscle so generally they don’t need to worry about that.

Gym, classes, whatever

maybe the weights they are lifting are heavy for them. In which case, job done.

Yes people ask questions on here all the time that is normal being this fixated on what other people dont do is not really, why does this worry you so much?

What makes you think that? Have you heard of CrossFit?? This is not CrossFit but certain CrossFit classes are exactly this!

Your OP literally says " in the gym"

I agree women should lift heavier

but these classes are not the place for it

Just lift in the gym for bigger weights

So - obviously judging women at the gym for the weights that they are lifting is completely unreasonable behaviour. As everyone has said, there are multiple reasons why people might choose to exercise in the way they do, and they should be allowed to get on with it without judgement.

That being said - there are an awful lot of myths (that have become accepted truths) around weightlifting in women. The whole ‘heavy weights = bulk’ and ‘high reps low weights = tone’ have been debunked. Added to this, some people will lack the confidence to lift heavier.

But your Spanish class analogy is stupid .. you aren't there to learning something, but refusing to learn, you are there doing something you already know how to do, so how you do carry out that activity is entirely up to the individual taking part.

A better analogy would be going to the library and instead of utilising any of the books, you sit doing a crossword. Or going to the swimming pool, just to float around instead of swimming... all perfectly normal 'each to their own' stuff.

The point is it doesn't matter how they do what they do, there is no 'wrong' way, if you are genuinely bothered that people don't realise what they are capable of, then why not mention it to whoever leads the class? It's their job to get the most out of people.

Or you could just concentrate on what you are doing and let other people get on with what they are doing, there could be lots of reasons why people don't push themselves to their limits and none of it is any of your business.

Thanks, I thought I'd gone mad for a minute there!

How is being in the gym and lifting weights part of not having a life? Everyone should do some strength training whether that’s weights, bodyweight, heavy gardening etc
being in a gym or exercising elsewhere helps you live your life, for longer