To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

[Ilostallthepens]

I go to a strength training class a few times a week. It’s almost always all women, class size is about 15. I’m not especially strong or experienced at lifting weights but I notice I’m always lifting the heaviest (sometimes by a long way) than every other person there. I’m also working to my maximum capacity for the 8-12 reps we’re doing. I’m huffing and puffing and sweating doing bicep curls with an 8kg dumbbell in each hand and I look over and the woman next to me is lifting a couple of 2kg dumbbells with no visible effort at all. I see this in a lot of the women there. They don’t seem to push themselves to their limit or even that close to it. I’m talking about women a similar age to myself that have been going to the gym for at least as long as me. I get some people may not want to push themselves to their max effort for whatever reason, eg. an injury, but I’m seeing lots of women seemingly not putting in half the amount of effort that they seem capable of and over a long period of time. So this makes me think the reason must be they don’t believe they are capable of lifting heavier, or they don’t want to lift to their max ability for some reason. Why do you think this is? Have you experienced this? Do you not work to max capacity in the gym? If not, why not?

I would just keep increasing the weights gradually. Once you can do three or four sets of 8-10 or 10-12 reps comfortably at a given weight, put it up! I don't think there's a hard and fast "at this weight you will see muscle definition" rule because it'll depend on your body composition. I have been lifting roughly comparable weights to you for a while now (18 months) and don't see a lot of definition because I'm quite fat still 😅

Gym isn't my main sport.

I lift to complement/prehab my running.

If I push hard in the gym I can't do a quality session of running intervals for 2 or 3 days. It's very tiring. I might be able to go to the gym but running feels like plodding through treacle.

I know my limits and I'm probably one of these women you see doing 30kg barbell squats and not really pushing myself.

You ‘tone’ by building muscle!

It's not how much you lift it's how you do it. You need a programme and a diet

You won't build big bulky weights with 8kg bicep curls though, not even close.

I’ve been steadily increasing. So when I can do 3 sets of 12-15, I’ll increase the weight the next time.

I’ve cut down on carb portions, eat plenty of veg and protein.

Absolutely. This is exactly the sort of attitude that puts me off the gym. I hate and detest it with a passion but I go because it's more beneficial than not going. I have no desire to compete with weight lifters but I do feel intimidated when I do my puny stuff. I've been going a long time but I have multiple health issues that you can't see plus osteoporosis which is invisible until you break a bone. My routine is designed by a coach to give a gentle all round improvement in strength and fitness, nothing more.

I feel there are two issues being conflated here!

The first is that people can have all sorts of motivations for going to the gym - they can lift whatever weights they want for whatever reasons - and they should be able to do so without fear of being judged for not lifting heavier.

The second is that is that far too many women underestimate their own strength and the myths around ‘lifting weights makes you bulky’ are pervasive and damaging.

I agree that it's because of people like you that many don't want to join a gym and go to classes. Why do you even pay attention? Does it make you feel specially good to know you can lift so much more? There are many reasons why some only lift minimum weight.

The main one and is because many do these classes not to get stronger but to keep their current muscle mass, as a mean to stay healthy later on life. This is probably the best reason to lift weight.

Others might have health issues that prevent them from lifting more. It might be a rehab class for others.

In my case, it's because lifting weight is only a small part of my fitness regime. I do a sport 5 to 6 times a week which I'm totally dedicated too. I don't want muscle aches to affect this activity. However, it helps with Keeping the muscle mass. I normally have 2.5 to 3 kgs dumbbells.

I don't judge people on the trademeal who can only run at 8.5 km/h when I can run for the same time at 11km/h!

100% - it's so hard for a woman to build significant muscle mass if she's genuinely trying and doing everything she can, it's practically impossible for a woman to 'become bulky' accidentally. Unless someone is secretly putting steroids in your food, which seems unlikely.

Aside from that, I take the view that if I don't know the person well enough to know what their goals are, it's none of my business what weights they're lifting. There's so much that goes on in a gym - people doing vanity lifts with terrible form, people spending more of their time on instagram, people seemingly competing to see who can make the most noise, all of it is just background and not relevant to me or my practice.

Codswallop.

There is no sneering in the op’s post.

Do you/ did you have a physical job? My mum was working in preschool before she retired and while it might not seem physical it really is. Lifting kids, up and down the stairs, moving stuff about when setting up. She is 65 now and retired, she cleans as a side gig and whenever she does my house I’m always surprised she moves furniture easily. I started going to the gym with her last year and thought we could start easy to ease her into it… not necessary at all. She had never been to the gym in her life but because she’d spent the last 20 years doing a physical job she is naturally pretty strong.

I totally agree, and I have to remind myself to be pushing myself to the limit every time otherwise what is the point? The reason why us women should be exercising and lifting weights is to build our muscle, to get stronger so that we live a longer healthier life without having to Lion on other people for help and to wipe our arses because we can’t bend or get up from the toilet lol.

I was hip thrusting 60kg for the longest time. This week I reminded myself that I can be doing a lot more and I was able to hip thrust 110 kg!!

I think there is a general lack of knowledge around the importance of lifting weights and building muscle and how you go about doing that.

I'm godsmacked at the judgemental and arrogant attitude of some women weight lifting!

So when are you next running a marathon? What you mean you're not pushing yourself to increase your running distance and speed? How pathetic!

It was 30 odd years ago and a programme drawn up by my coach for my actual sport. It did what I needed it to do at the time. I had no interest in lifting increasingly heavy weights and thus building increasing muscle because that would have been detrimental to the sport.

You read the post where I said I work with my HCPs though didn’t you. And doubled down.

You could become so disabled tomorrow that you’re relying on someone else to wipe your arse.

I can’t hip thrust. I’m waiting for two new hips.

But how do you know who isn’t making an effort?

And even if they aren’t, what business is it of anyone else’s? They may do it as a social thing or in conjunction with other activity or just to get out of the house.

It IS off putting to know that all the hype about gym users being supportive is total bollocks.As long as you get the workout you want, then I can’t see why you would be so judgy?

In the meantime, posts like this do put off the very people who would benefit from attending the gym.

Definitely. I was the fittest, most outdoorsy person. It was a big part of my identity. Then I got ill and spent 3 years mostly lying in bed. You can build as much muscle as you like but you can't control the future. Or your health really. You can try your best but working out hard doesn't make you a superior type person. Hope you don't have to wait too long for your op .

Then how do you know expect to get an answer? Do you want someone to come on and say they do it because they can’t be bothered? Or because they don’t want to smear their makeup?

If you genuinely want to know, you need to ask the individuals but you won’t because it would offend them.

So instead you manage to offend a lot more people and put people off going to the gym - well played

No, because again, it's all about YOU and not the actual person doing it!

THEY have no need or desire (or possible ability) to go beyond a certain level of fitness/strength/toned appearance, YOU think they should be more strong/fit/toned because it's important to YOU, it's a waste not pushing your body to its physical limits to make it stronger...

YOU have no need or desire to learn a second language - I could judge you for that because of course everyone who can speak one language can and should learn another, I know multiple languages and its really benefitted me, it's a waste to not make full use of what your mind is capable of to improve your knowledge...

If you asked the instructor whether they think everyone not using the heaviest weights is wasting their time and do they think they should leave the class, there is no way they'd agree with you - but if you disagree, give it a go and come back and tell us what they say.

Thanks, I thought I was weak. You’re right, I need to remind myself I have all my life to get strong, I often rush and want to see immediate results.

You sound like my DH and it’s honestly really irritating. I’m happy lifting 10kg dumbbells and have zero desire to go any higher. He thinks I should try because I have the capacity. I just don’t want to and that’s my choice. I don’t know why you’re so interested in other people. They’re moving, that’s the most important thing.