To think some women could lift heavier in the gym?

[Ilostallthepens]

I go to a strength training class a few times a week. It’s almost always all women, class size is about 15. I’m not especially strong or experienced at lifting weights but I notice I’m always lifting the heaviest (sometimes by a long way) than every other person there. I’m also working to my maximum capacity for the 8-12 reps we’re doing. I’m huffing and puffing and sweating doing bicep curls with an 8kg dumbbell in each hand and I look over and the woman next to me is lifting a couple of 2kg dumbbells with no visible effort at all. I see this in a lot of the women there. They don’t seem to push themselves to their limit or even that close to it. I’m talking about women a similar age to myself that have been going to the gym for at least as long as me. I get some people may not want to push themselves to their max effort for whatever reason, eg. an injury, but I’m seeing lots of women seemingly not putting in half the amount of effort that they seem capable of and over a long period of time. So this makes me think the reason must be they don’t believe they are capable of lifting heavier, or they don’t want to lift to their max ability for some reason. Why do you think this is? Have you experienced this? Do you not work to max capacity in the gym? If not, why not?

Apologies, I haven't read all your posts. Why should my posts put you off going to the gym, however? I'm talking about people who can't be bothered to make an effort. It sounds like going to the gym for you is far more difficult than it is for most of the rest of us, involing more effort. That alone is going to be a great achievment.

I understand where OP is coming from. I think gyms are full of people who are doing things which will give them results, but won’t.
Ive been going for 9 months but I would say only in the last 2 months I get what I need to do, and I’ve had to watch videos/talk to people. Pushing yourself weight wise is really hard, especially when you are on your own and it’s counter intuitive to pick up and work with something you can hardly lift.

Theres a pair of women who come to my gym and do nothing, they basically have a chat, do one set on a machine on the lowest setting, drink energy drinks. This is all fine but I assume they are coming to change their bodies somehow, but don’t really understand how it all works.
Watching people at the gym is normal, there’s a boxer who comes to mine and I love watching what he does, he’s so fit.

Exactly! It’s not a binary discussion. Maybe there does need to be an education campaign about weight training, and maybe the OP is judgy and goady. They are not mutually exclusive

I do think we need to keep tackling the misconceptions that weight training will make you “bulky” though.

i know some very strong women who weight train and compete and not one of them is “bulky” they come in a variety of shapes and sizes and the only common factor is most have an arse to die for!

You really do need to mind your own business
When I'm training I'm oblivious to other people because I'm there for me no one else. My headphones are on and I'm in my own world. Even if i was in a class i would be focusing on myself not on other members.
I'm not intimated by the gym but I know a good few people who are and the reason they are is because of people like you.

No one is watching and judging you. The issue is women who are perfectly healthy who go to a strength class and lift only 2kg and refuse to push themselves and attempt to progress, when that is the whole point of strength training. Why are so many women so afraid to lift heavy?

So no one is judging, except you and OP, who then claim women who want to lift light weights are The Issue! Why are they an issue? What problem are they creating for you? Why is it any of your business?

YANBU, OP. I think you’re getting a hard time here.

To be honest I’ve felt the same in my strength class at the gym, and it’s not in a judging way. (There’s sessions I reduce the weight myself for various reasons).

I’m slim, don’t look particularly “strong” but lift probably the heaviest out of the women in the class (and some of the men). I often get comments from other women along the lines of “I couldn’t lift that!”. I encourage them to add a bit more weight if they’re comfortable with that, and they manage it. I think sometimes it’s a matter of confidence just to try it.

Have you tried asking them? Just a nice, friendly “Hey, you seem like you’re doing really well, have you thought about going for heavier weights? You look like you could handle more no problem.” Get the answer direct from the source.

If I were to steel man this I’d say that some women are likely looking to increase their PB for low load reps, really get endurance up.

However there are also just going to be a small minority in every class that either haven’t read what it’s about, aren’t interested in what the purpose of the class is, or mostly want to attend a class because they want to socialise and make friends. If they enjoy the social aspect they may keep coming back for this, and not really care about the class goals as stated - and that’s usually fine.

Again though, you should just ask them. Quickest way to an answer and I’m curious what the explanation will be. If it’s something like “I’m worried about getting too bulky” then you have a great opportunity to reassure your classmates that that’s unlikely and help encourage them.

You are right, women should do heavier weights but I knackered my shoulder by lifting heavy weights quickly in Bodypump so I stick to the low ones now although I’m aware it looks a bit feeble.

If anyone does want to lift heavier than they do but is scared to do so (understandably!) I would suggest if you can find a trainer who can help you build at your pace.

I realise I keep coming back into this thread, and the OP has fucked off and probably isn’t coming back, so there is literally no point in responding, but I am a little upset at how rude she was and want to share the impact of judging someone and sneering at them.

So yes, OP, I know you can’t outexercise a bad diet. I’ve known for years. I used to be slim and strong, and a combination of lots of different factors over about five years, plus illness and Covid and pregnancy and an isolating mat leave, made me put on weight. I then developed quite a challenging and hard to beat eating disorder. I would binge eat, and for such a long time I felt like this was a personal failing. Stupid cow MayWelland, why did you do that?! No need to eat three Krispy Kremes in a row, you greedy twat. It was all secret eating, shameful stuff.

I confided in a friend who encouraged me to seek help, and the help I got on the NHS was marvellous. It helped me reframe what was happening - my bingeing wasn’t down to a lack of self-control, it was a psychological response to restriction. I worked with a therapist to add structure to my meals, and a nutritionist to work on the binge eating food pyramid, which is different to the normal food pyramid.

I also worked on body image. It’s hard when you used to be a size 12 and you balloon up. You don’t always recognise what you see in the mirror or in photographs, and it can be quite arresting. So we worked on being proud of what my body can do, to love it, not to shame it.

The challenge is how to shift some weight without introducing too much restriction, as I’ve now stabilised but I’m not losing. If you google it, you’ll see that this is a common problem after binge eating, and I’m working through that.

So for me, getting to the gym every Sunday morning is an effort in itself. Putting on my leggings and knowing that there’s nowhere to hide my overhang. Knowing that I can’t even do some of the stretches because my tummy gets in the way. Knowing that there are others who can lift heavier than me. But I don’t go the gym to feel small, I go to feel good.

I am so lucky that my gym is inclusive and welcoming, that I don’t think I have to worry about people like you. And tbh I’m too busy doing my thing, being proud of myself for getting there, that I honestly am not paying attention to those who might be judging me.

I wanted to come back on and let you know the impact of your words. I hope you read this OP and I hope you learn something

Why do you assume that’s why they’re going? It sounds to me like they’re going to have a chat with their friend, chill out a bit, maybe get a break from their home/kids/job etc. When we had babies/toddlers my best friend and I used to go to the gym for the same reason.
There’s a saying about ‘assuming’ things… it makes an ass out of u and me!

@rookiemere Bodypump can be good fun, but as @BitOutOfPractice says there is often zero input on ‘form’ so if you’re finding you get pain need to be sensible and make adjustments, or mix it with other things.

@BitOutOfPractice how much is a virgin active monthly membership,? If it’s low cost, offers small, quality classes, with classes available on weekends and some evenings, brilliant!

My local gym, for example, is £40 month - not bad - but offers no such classes (offers Les Mills, spin etc, mainly in the daytime Monday to Friday) and personal training is £40+ an hour.

David Lloyd is within driving distance but costs much more.

I’d love to but the price is prohibitive.

There is a small group, weights, type gym too, offers small classes. Think that’s around £100 month and again most classes in the week.

This is such a strange thread.

Some women (me) don't go to the gym or lift weights at all and we could be doing more. Some women only run 5k's and really they could be doing a marathon if they just tried a bit harder and what's the point of buying proper running shoes if you don't or wearing walking boots to walk one mile.

If you are so offended by the women in your elite weight lifting class being to genteel and not lifting heavy enough like you then I suppose you could tell them. They might tell you to fuck off and mind your own business....and I suppose then you should. I expect posts like this won't make some women feel more confident to go and join a gym because they will feel like more experienced women will be judging them now.

Because no one is going to pay to sit on a shoulder press machine to socialise only. Especially when you’ve walked past a coffee shop to go in.
People go to do exercise.

In a gym no one is sneering at someone who is trying to get themselves into shape and improve their perfomance and health.

And yet, @BunnyBunbunbun, that's exactly what you are doing. Along with the OP.

“You’re not going to get those results if you don’t challenge yourself a bit” Actually you are quite wrong.
Lifting lighter weights to tone, rather than build is quite often the point of going to the gym for some women.
You do you, and keep your judgment in your head. Not everyone has the same goals as you, and your opinion is not relevant!

Depends on what muscle groups you’re talking about though.

Like I said, myself and my friend went ‘to exercise’, but really it was just to hang out together, do a little bit of exercise and have a break. Sometimes it’s easier to justify ‘me time’ to yourself (and others!) when you have young kids by saying ‘I’m off to the gym’ than by saying ‘I’m off to sit in coffee shop for an hour’.
I had no desire to change my body.

Just back from the gym
Tried a higher weight for dumbell chest press...nope, couldn't lift it. Tried some triceps dips on the machine...christ I was huffing and puffing and one chap was smiling as I got off.
See...Tried, thats all I do
I try each time to better myself and sod what anyone is doing!

Exactly this. Many of us feel vulnerable exercising in public, for all sorts of reasons, such as age, size, ability, clothes even. It's bad enough that men judge us all the time, really upsetting that other women join in with the pile on. Just horrible. Now i remember why i no longer belong to a gym, too effing stressful - i do a lovely tai chi class with lots of older people, mostly women, and there is zero nasty competitiveness.

I wouldn't thank anyone for this other than my PT or the class instructor.
They could have their own issues stopping them from going heavier that they don't want to share with you

What do you think of my weights? I’m relatively new and want to be strong with visible muscle:

Lat pulldowns and seated rows = 32kg
Chest press = 30kg
Leg press = 80kg
Bicep curls = 7kg
Lat raises = 3kg

Ive not seen any visible difference yet. How heavy do I need to go?