AIBU to feel disappointed my husband invited friends on our “trip of a lifetime”?

[SleepySquirre1]

Recently paid the deposit for what feels like a once-in-a-lifetime family holiday to Kenya for a safari. Our two kids are absolutely animal obsessed and honestly so am I, so this has been a dream of ours for years.

It’s going to involve a LOT of saving, sacrifices and cutbacks over the next year or two. I’m the main breadwinner and I know I’ll be working incredibly hard to make it happen, so in my head this trip became this really special “core family memories” holiday for the four of us.

Last night my husband announced the “good news” that he’d invited his best friend, her husband and their children to come too, and they’re apparently joining us. Their children are slightly younger than ours but they all get on really well. For context, I genuinely really like them, they are good fun and we’ve had lovely shorter breaks together before.

I think part of what has upset me is that there was absolutely no discussion with me beforehand. It was presented as a done deal rather than something we decided together, which has made me feel a bit blindsided if I’m honest.

But instead of feeling excited, I just felt… flat. Sad, almost. I think because in my mind this was meant to be something really special for our little family. I love spending time with just my husband and with my husband and kids, whereas he’s much more of a “the more the merrier” type person.

And now I feel awful even admitting this, but some of the excitement has gone out of it for me to the point where part of me almost wouldn’t mind if the holiday didn’t happen at all. Which sounds dramatic considering it’s going to be such an amazing trip.

I know we’ll still have a lovely time and I know I sound ungrateful. But part of me feels disappointed that these big memories the kids look back on won’t just be ours.

AIBU to feel upset by this? Or am I being unfair because he just sees holidays differently to me?

He absolutely knew you wouldn't want them to come with you. That's why he didn't discuss it with you first.

And he doesn't care that you were upset when he told you.
He just wants you not to show it.

And pay up.

Sadly I don't think you'll say anything to him, and you'll have the 'family trip of a lifetime' with his best friend and her family too.

I would just tell him no!
He needs to uninvite his friend and her husband and explain that it was HIS mistake. and he got all over excited by jumping the gun. Its your dream, once in a lifetime holiday ffs not a jolly to benidorm!
If hes worried about upsetting his friends then it just proves whose feelings he cares more about hurting which speaks volumes to me.
He can fix his blunder simple as that or you're not paying for it!

This is not good. He wants her there more than he wants to be with you. Agree with other poster that you are being naive OP.

How about a catch up in person with the other couple? I imagine you would gauge who's plan this was... And just tell them dh was a bit over zealous handing out an invite without discussion...

She probably would feel bad, yes, she has doormat written all over her.

I'd have messaged them, in a group message including husband immediately and said "Oh I'm sorry my husband seems to have mistakenly invited you on our much anticipated family trip that I have been planning for the four of us for ages. I'm sure you'll understand that it's only the four of us going on our family trip, sorry for his misunderstanding"

But then there's not the tiniest chance my husband would ever have treated me like this because a) he's a decent husband and b) he knows I'm not a Stepford Wife who tolerates this sort of shit 😃

So basically shut you down immediately by being dismissive of the fact he'd fucked up?
This and the fact you didn't tell him exactly how you felt says a lot about your relationship, non of it good I'm afraid.
You stated earlier that he'd never intentionally do something to upset you but the fact he feels he can make decisions as big as this without speaking to you first and then essentially telling you to suck it up by being so dismissive says otherwise.

Yes, she has doormat written all over her to be honest, her whole post was pathetically apologetic for daring to have feelings and perfectly normal wants. I

I really have no patience for doormat women anymore, they make their own crappy beds, so they have to just lie in them.

Aren't you a little ray of sunshine. Didn't your mummy ever tell you - if you haven't got anything nice to say don't say anything at all?

I wouldn’t feel sad… I’d be absolutely furious.

Well, aren't you a little ray of sunshine who's derailing the thread because you have issues?

So you should just shut up then? Seeing you have nothing nice or even relevant to add. Going by your own rules of course.

It's weird you call your mother mummy by the way.

100% percent.

Be careful, he's having an affair with the woman friend he invited on holiday. Why would he want her there so desperately that he wouldn't discuss it with you before he invited this woman and her family? He couldn't bear to think of the holiday without her presence??? He'll manufacture opportunities to be with her on the holiday.

Are you completely financially dependent on him by any chance @SleepySquirre1 ?

My first thought was that he's probably fucking his "friend", yes, or wants to.

But even if he's not, he is placing his "friend" above his wife. Even if his "friend" was a man this would be totally unacceptable.

Idk if this is sexist or what but if the husband in a couple invited me and DH on holiday I’d check with the wife. Especially if I knew she was the breadwinner. My brother has a habit of randomly inviting us to things because he’s a “the more the merrier” kind of guy. He doesn’t do it to be inconsiderate he just does it without thinking because that’s very much how my side of the family is. I totally understand why you are angry though, I know me and DH have had a few misunderstandings and I’ve had to awkwardly univite people from things. Now I always check, but at first I didn’t really understand what the issue was.

😂 I didn't call my mother mummy, honey

She is the breadwinner

Honey? This reply sounds half daft and a bit deranged.

Stop derailing the thread. Seek therapy - or don't, I don't actually care about your issues 😅

He was bang out of order inviting people on your holiday without asking you!

You matter too and this would be a lovely family bonding experience. I definitely think you should share your feelings with him.

My husband and I don’t go on holiday with other people anyway because we like to please ourselves so it’s hard to relate, but we would never invite someone else to dinner, never mind on holiday, without discussing it first.

I’m sorry but it appears the thought of spending time with you as the only other adult is not appealing to him. Maybe he was just telling his best friend and it spiralled but he deffo wouldn’t have allowed them to come if he wanted 100% family time

Thanks for the love heart by the way, you could have just sent one openly.

First a honey, now a love heart - sorry I'm not into women. But here's a nice kiss goodbye for you since I matter so much to you 😘

So, OP, you going to be a doormat all your life? Or grow a spine and tell him not to be so fucking ridiculous.

Enquiring minds want to know.

Well then the insipid response (pulling a face) is even more baffled

Jesus the rage I feel reading this OP. I would be livid. And cancelling the holiday for sure.

But you don't have to pay attention to these other guests. You don't have to worry about their plans and entertain them. Apples and pears.
OP I am gutted for you and would be livid and sad.