To report colleague who offered to buy my underwear

[Colleagueissue26]

NC for obvious reasons!

Work night out the weekend before last. There was a drunken/joking conversation between several of us about onlyfans. Consensus that no one would go the full way on there but selling clothing would be an acceptable way to make money. All lighthearted discussion of course.

One of the (male) colleagues involved in the discussion was on holiday last week.

At the weekend, I received a late night DM on social media from him along the lines of ‘if you were being serious about selling your underwear, I don’t mind paying. Our secret’

I ignored it. The next morning, he messaged to apologise and said his friend stole his phone and sent it as a dare.

I don’t believe him for a second.

Would you report to HR? He is younger, early 20’s.

Report if it makes you feel uncomfortable to work with him now.

Personally, if I was willing to have the initial conversation then I wouldn’t be offended given his prompt apology so I wouldn’t report. I’d remind him to be more careful though as comments like that aren’t acceptable. I actually don’t think the initial conversation was acceptable in the workplace, but again I wouldn’t have reported it as it wouldn’t have offended me - I just would have been concerned it was inappropriate.

If I was worried about being near him again at work though I would definitely report.

Naaaaahhhh this thread is a wind-up, obvs 🤷🏻‍♀️

A young lad in his early 20's who's been out getting drunk with his female senior and some other senior colleagues is then told by said female senior that she'd sell her used underwear on OnlyFans and he won't tell his mates about it... aye right!
For most young men of that age it would have been first topic of conversation on "lad's night out".

I’m sure the first question will be “he starts the message with ‘if you were serious’ - what is he referring to?”

no real way to get out of that without blatantly lying.

Well, quite. But I thought we weren’t allowed to say that 😂 I am in full agreement though after the updates today.

So you want to report him for sending you an inappropriate message outside of work hours regarding a conversation you had outside of working hours, yet you would like to keep it hush hush, how the conversation came about in order to preserve your self respect?
Wow.

Yeah I don’t buy it either.
Snr team members having an inappropriate conversation with junior team
members and then deny said conversation ever happened in an HR investigation. Nah

Ignore now. His mate was having a ‘joke’ 🙄

You engaged in drunken OnlyFans chat with junior colleagues in the pub – as a senior colleague, you should've put a halt to the conversation due to its inappropriateness. I'd love to hear HR's response to your complaint. Have a feeling it might not go all the way you want.

Presuming you tell them the truth, that is.

Oh dear so you were talking to a junior colleague about being ok with selling your underwear on OFs and you've formally reported it. I hope you've been honest about the background to this or they will find out and then there's two dodgy issues on your record.

I assume that you mean 'corroborate' and that your senior colleagues have agreed lie about the conversation that sparked your junior colleague's inappropriate email to you? What an unprofessional shower you all are. He was a total dickhead but you and your colleagues are being deliberately dishonest about the situation.

I hope that’s bravado. A senior person telling junior staff they want to sell their dirty underwear and then going to lie to say you didn’t say that and get your colleagues to back you up.

what part of that do you feel deserves respect. Because I’m not seeing it, I’m embarassed for you.

Yes, no one's that stupid.

That is exactly what some of my colleagues would have done if they’d got hold of someone else’s phone.
Just in case he was actually serious. I’d have charged a fortune and then sent a wrapped packet of Tesco cheapies! I’m not easily offended by stuff like that but I like to have the last laugh.

Agree. IF any of this is true – I have my doubts now too – and the lad gets a warning, he could decide to appeal on the grounds that OP deliberately omitted the OF pub chat context. Would be very interested to see if her colleagues continued to back her lies then.

So you would lie to get him into trouble. Aren't you a peach.

You had the conversation with him about doing only fans and saying you would sell your underwear. If you report him then expect to also be facing investigation.

You do realise that if you report this then the wording of the text from him (which you will have to disclose) will make it clear that you were discussing selling your used underwear on only fans anyway.

Lying about this sort of thing can result in dismissal. Even if he did send an inappropriate message.

Yeah I’m not sure about this.

If you report this, no one that you work with will ever trust you again. No matter what they may say to you. You let yourself down already. Stop digging

Being a "senior" colleague you really should know better. But nothing you've done deserves respect, if it is in fact true, which I'm also doubting now. But if it is, reporting him and getting the rest of the team to collude with you is absolutely disgusting. Abuse of power, or a power trip, either way, you're really not a nice person are you? I hope karma catches up, it usually does in the end.

Well I suppose they MIGHT be... it's just hard to imagine anyone with real authority describing themselves as "a senior colleague who deserves respect" - especially when they clearly don't!

It sounds like an incel experimenting with a fantasy about some dystopian post-#MeToo world where crazy women act purely out of hypocrisy and spite in their stampede for the moral high ground.

Telling the truth would not be twisting the story it would be adding context.
You joined in happily, he should notbhave messaged ypu, but you were part of the whole discussion, which imo was grim, and didnt mind that. Now you want to lie, why?

Im not convinced a ‘senior colleague’ would be so upset by this to the extent that they conspire and lie to get someone fired…

All after clearly showing they’re happy to commit workplace SH by discussing sex themselves with colleagues.

If you’re genuinely doing this, you should be ashamed.

This is either ragebait or you are well, deluded. No class and tbh I would report you for sexual harrassment if I were him, which I hope he will do if this story is even real.

😂 This is definitely a wind up. Engage no more.