I’m not happy in life

[alspancakeworld]

AIBU to not understand how people can just go about their lives mostly unaffected by everything going on in the world? My friend says I’m taking on other people’s pain as my own but how can you seriously not? People are starving, people are being bombed, there are homeless people on every corner, women are oppressed, beaten, raped. I’m not taking it on as some sort of martyr - I genuinely don’t understand how people can put it out of their minds. Whenever I am with friends having a drink or go somewhere nice I’m thinking to myself “what right do I have to pretend that stuff isn’t happening and just enjoy myself?”

The news is so depressing but I refuse to not take it in to satiate my own peace of mind.

This isn’t healthy at all. It might help to think that you are basically overloaded with news. In the past you would never have heard about most of the things you’re worrying about. In the gentlest way you might like to look into speaking to someone about processing this

I think the distinction would be the stuff going on in the news having a permanent effect on your ability to feel joy about anything.

I think a lot of (most?) people will feel a certain amount of depression and despair listening to certain news stories - but it will be fleeting, they are able to process it and then find some joy in their lives - in the OP's case, this would mean going & enjoying a lunch with friends, and seeing that there is good in the world too. She's unable to do this.

First noble truth:

Suffering exists. Humans are of the nature of beings who suffer.

There are three more noble truths, though. So, yes. Bad stuff happens. So does good stuff. It's the nature of the world.

That does make sense. Thanks!

The world is also full of amazing things. Amazing people.

What good is it doing the world obsessing over the bad. Is it making the world any better?

but I am sensing that you don’t have anyone close in your life @alspancakeworld . No partner? No children? No close friends? I too wouldn’t be happy in life and would be seeking the negative if was alone.

When I’m laughing about something with my teen son, or swimming in the sea with my DD, or chatting with a close friend or at the theatre with my sister - the last thing I’m thinking about is a famine or a war

It sounds as if @alspancakeworld has lost touch with her own joy. As pp said, we can’t take on the world’s sorrows and remain well. It does sound as if OP isn’t well at the moment. Depression is a horrible illness and it really does do odd things to your thought processes.

I honestly don’t know. My brain isn’t wired that way. Everything ‘out there’ I don’t have any control over, so there is no point in worrying about it. Yes it’s terrible, yes life is unfair and cruel etc . It always has been, always will be, and anyone who told you otherwise was lying.

what age are you OP?

That isn’t going to change the fact that I can’t stop children being bombed or women being raped and I believe it’s inherently wrong to ignore for my own happiness.

This is what comes across as performative.

Crudely, we are animals, and although we have empathy and some of us have a moral compass, it's not natural to be feeling things on such a level.

Do you suppose that during the second world war, people never felt happiness or got on with their Iives, despite their husband's or sons being involved on the fighting and the contact threat of being bombed?

More generally speaking, people lose loved ones every day and move on with their Iives.

Terrible things happen in the world beyond our control - that's a reason to be grateful if you are fortunate enough to be safe and not squander happiness.

OP- I find it interesting that several people have offered thoughtful, kind and genuinely constructive responses on this thread, yet those replies seem to have gone completely unacknowledged by you.

I’ve actually enjoyed reading many of them - there’s been a really good balance of philosophical perspectives, practical approaches and positive personal experiences.

What stands out, though, is that you seem very resistant to any viewpoint that challenges your current outlook. At times, your responses to people trying to offer a different perspective have come across as almost irritated, which makes me wonder what you were hoping to gain from asking the question in the first place.

It feels less like you’re exploring ideas and more like you’re determined to hold onto the belief that the world is entirely bleak, and that any attempt to see nuance or hope is somehow invalid and even makes you angry for some reason and only you know why that is.

But there’s nothing admirable or productive about immersing yourself in misery indefinitely. It doesn’t help other people, and in many ways it leaves you less able to support them because it places you in a completely powerless position.

It’s a bit like believing that the only way to empathise or help a friend who has a broken leg is to break your own leg too. That wouldn’t help them heal or walk again, all it would do is leave both of you struggling.

This is why I don’t watch the news. It’s depressing and infuriating and there is nothing I can do about it. Got enough going on to worry about in my own little bubble - may be a selfish approach but you can’t take on everyone else’s problems. Have you thought about some sort of therapy if you really can’t switch off from it all?

I'm not sure if you're are reading replies now. I have only read your posts and a couple of pages of comments.

I remember feeling much the same way as you do now a while ago. I don't feel that way now because of choices I have made and make today.
I choose not to continually retraumatise myself.
I know that I am not God and I am not responsible for everything happening everywhere. I have some responsibility for what is happening where I am.
I am at the centre of my own universe, or near it, but I am not more important or more moral or more right than everyone else and that means it's not possible for me to insist that no human being has a right to happiness if any human being anywhere is suffering.
I do believe in the Buddhist idea of the existence of suffering and the other three noble truths.
If it is right for me to want my children to be happy and to want to lessen their suffering then it is also right for me.
I hope you find a way to grow from your awareness and find a perspective and way if being that lessens your own suffering and that of others.

You sound depressed @alspancakeworld . Very depressed.