I’m not happy in life

[alspancakeworld]

AIBU to not understand how people can just go about their lives mostly unaffected by everything going on in the world? My friend says I’m taking on other people’s pain as my own but how can you seriously not? People are starving, people are being bombed, there are homeless people on every corner, women are oppressed, beaten, raped. I’m not taking it on as some sort of martyr - I genuinely don’t understand how people can put it out of their minds. Whenever I am with friends having a drink or go somewhere nice I’m thinking to myself “what right do I have to pretend that stuff isn’t happening and just enjoy myself?”

The news is so depressing but I refuse to not take it in to satiate my own peace of mind.

How many people will wake up today and take great care of somebody who is vulnerable, or nurture a growing mind, or run towards danger to save people who are weaker, or stop to help a stranger, who will be warm with the people around them and brighten their day, who will fall in love, who will be brave and will step into the uncomfortable to honour their principles, or bring new life into the world, or break their hearts as they say goodbye to somebody who they love?

The meat of goodness is done quietly. There's no news for humdrum acts of love and kindness. You won't see it in the rolling coverage of doom. If you insist on absorbing this pain so you can assure yourself that you have seen it, then you could rationalise that you must, at least, start to see the good too.

I can't do anything about it so I'm not going to waste my time alive being miserable.

We might be next in line for something terrible, if that makes you feel better? And that's even more reason to enjoy yourself while you still can.

How does your breast beating sadness help ANYONE? How?

If you can do some things to help others (which you are) then that's wonderful

But constantly creating performative deep depression and sadness for people who you can't help .... is literally useless and simply performative

Sad and bad things happen.

1 more happy person in the world is a good thing so try and find ways of staying positive ( it isn't easy i know).
Start baking, hiking, painting...whatever floats your boat.

@alspancakeworldthere is nothing new under the sun. There has always been wars and been famines and been greed. You didn’t start it. You can’t end it. But YOU can make a difference and help in your area of influence. People choosing not to dwell on it - is frankly out of your control. Nothing you can do will change that. So please influence where you can and Enjoy your life as you can. I’m speaking as someone who lives in West Africa with all the Boko Haram kidnappings

I was like this briefly after dd was born (pnd).

Any bad news story, especially about children, would have me ruminating for weeks and crying. I couldn't understand how everyone else could be normal about it.

Thankfully my mental health improved. You are not responsible for, or in any way capable of stopping the evils people do.

What you are in charge of is the quiet good you can do for those around you. Protect loved ones and try to make them happy, help strangers if they have fallen on the street in front of you, make the world a better place for your small bubble. Try to practice kindness and understanding.

Because that is what you wish others did.

Well it may be you have no problems in your life. If it feels so strong be proactive and do something meaningful to help. I find that most people are inundated by problems and have not time to even know what is happening to others.

Humans are very good at not thinking too much about tho gs which cause mental discomfort. It's how we can eat hamburgers, while simultaneously thinking that cows are cute!
This ability helps us to survive and stops us from becoming crushed with stress or frozen into paralysis. It's necessary.

Sounds like you need to find a sadist to make your life a living hell. That should cheer you up a bit. 😉😁.

I believe it’s inherently wrong to ignore for my own happiness

Interesting. It sounds like you are doing a lot within your community to help people so I am wondering why you feel that its wrong for you to ever feel happiness.

Were you taught that growing up? - what was your childhood script around this issue- you'll find insight there

Even if it's not intentionally performative, the fact is the OP and, I suggest, most of us on MN are privileged compared to people in war torn countries, or where there is illness and famine,

we get to sleep in a bed, and can walk out of our houses, get into our cars or on the bus and find a supermarket with food and water on the shelves, at close reach.

that's privilege. I see not point in hand wringing at this time of global threat and turmoil, time to be thankful in a constructive way, with volunteering and just generally being pleasant to people around us. That's empowering.

i heard a great maxim the other day:

The more privileged we are, the nicer we should be.

I’m just wondering whether you have people around you that are affected by your unhappiness @alspancakeworld

I can understand the news is always grim, bad news sells but as a poster upstream said, there’s plenty of people quietly doing kind, joyful acts. There have always been bastards in the world, ever since we were in caves. Often the ones that climb to the top of the pile are the worst of us but to put it bluntly, we’re animals, albeit clever ones, and we do bad shit to each other. Always will. We will also nurse, nurture and love each other. Focus more on the good bits.

You have the ability to spread a tiny bit if happiness in the world today. Take a break from all the news (that’s what I’ve done) and start looking for the happiness and good bits in your everyday life. Smile as much as you can today without looking like a lunatic. That’s the big one - smile and spread some joy.

I spent 25 years working for the emergency services so I’ve certainly encountered some grim stuff. I did my best to make a positive change but whether I did remains to be seen. I also met some exceptional people - kind, funny, generous and thoughtful. Being present when someone dies and seeing the professionals doing their absolute best to save them. What an absolute privilege. We only pass through this way once and if this is how you want to embrace it then I guess that’s your choice to make. Maybe this is a sign of depression that you need to address with your doctor. Maybe some daily practice or time with a journal will help focus your mind on all the great stuff in the world too.

There's millions of wonderful things in the world and millions of awful things. You could equally say:

"How can you possibly be miserable when there are beautiful sunrises, friends laughing, kittens playing, grandparents meeting their first grand child, the miraculous fact that life somehow exists in the first place".

There's enough good things, theoretically, to merit constant happiness and there are enough bad things to merit constant misery. Realistically, we end up somewhere in between.

It's good to make positive actions, but there's no moral good in feeling constant sadness about the misery in the world, it just adds one more miserable person.

It’s an anonymous forum. There’s nothing performative about writing anonymously to a bunch of also anonymous people.

High time Mumsnet got over criticising everyone’s emotions as ‘performative’, simply because they feel them. It’s getting rather boring.

There's many things in this world you can't do anything about, twats on the roads and twats going to war.

Unless you're going to broker peace you may as well get on with enjoying life. Your tears and wallowing are no good to the people of Ukraine or Iran.

I've just had an awful few months where my elderly father collapsed and was rushed to hospital multiple times. It's made me realise life is short, embrace those around you and enjoy the world (the beauty of nature is such an amazing thing).

I get where you are coming from OP. I am still haunted by an article on Animal Testing I saw recently - to the point I spent most of that day sobbing (privately - nothing performative about it!), couldnt concentrate on work and the images taken undercover of the poor monkeys being pinned down by its limbs looking utterly terrified haunt me as I try to fall asleep.

I know that me being affected this bad doesnt stop it happening, but that argument doesnt really stack up when your next thought it "but it's not about ME is it? I'm not the one suffering."

No advice other than solidarity. Most of my horror comes from knowing Animal Abuse is out there and happening right now

Maybe it’s just empathy and sensitivity?

OP, if you are taking various actions consistent with your beliefs then you can do no more for the time being.

Outside of the news, ther world is full of beauty and magic and every day small kindnesses. I’d say just try to keep a balance. All through history there has been violence, cruelty and injustice but things can shift and they have in the past.

If I feel down I take heart from those changes for the better that have taken place in history and the courage of those involved.

Life is short and those friends in front of you are a good thing right now that should be enjoyed and celebrated.

It is called balance. Bad things happen and good things happen. Do you appreciate the good things as well as commiserate with the bad things?

The truth is that human beings are flawed but we have also done the most amazing things.

Looking at life abstractly it is clear that we still do not understand why we even exist.

I live a good life in order to achieve balance. I appreciate the good in life because there are
many lovely, wonderful, caring, benevolent people, acts and situations that take place every minute of every day.

Have a lovely day x

You may be feeling bad because simply feeling bad is not working. Do something that has a tangible result for alleviating/preventing suffering.

Give money, enough to be painful

Be a good role model

Be the person who steps up when there is something going on in the street and someone needs help, because no man is going to do it.

Switch off the news.

But you’re not happy because of other people’s pain and suffering, not your own and I don’t think that’s normal tbh. It’s ok to feel sad about the state of the world and reflect on that, help out where possible even (soup kitchens, food banks, charities etc) but going around feeling depressed about it day to day won’t help anyone.

If you feel like that , match what you spend on enjoying yourself by donating the money to a charity that works in those areas .