AIBU to think 13 is still young enough for a “childrens” birthday party?

[Iyamnotayam]

DD is nearly 13. She's medically complex and has had multiple surgeries the latest of which was a minor surgery last week. DD also has SEND, and even though she's into makeup and music etc, she can sometimes seem a bit younger than her peers socially. DD has never had any issues retaining friends and has a good mix of friends both in mainstream and specialist provision.

As it's DDs birthday soon, my mum kindly offered to pay for her birthday party. Before getting a surgery date, DD initially chose to go to an inflatable park and my mum said there's no limit on friends. However we had to change plans and dates due to DDs surgery recovery. When I asked DD what she wants for her party instead, she asked if we could hire a hall, get an inflatable "disco dome" that has a Bluetooth speaker and lighting and if we could hire a slush machine.

When I told my mum, her reaction was to poo poo this and make comments about how you don't see village hall parties anymore, and how DD is turning 13 so should do something more grown up. Unfortunately this was on the phone and DD overheard. Even though I shut my mum down, DD became upset and decided she no longer wanted a party.

Once she calmed down, DD told us she does still want a party, but she wants to be a kid, and doesn't want to be forced to grow up too quickly.

AIBU to think the type of party DD wants is still totally appropriate for a 13 year old, and pay for it myself so I can ensure DD gets the party she wants?

It's very sad, but if your DD is turing 13 that puts her in Y8 and unless she has a couple of friends who share her SEND preferences then a child's party will leave her being mocked by her peers. I do not think many mainstream Y8 girls will want to come to this type of event.

I say this kindly after 30 years of teaching this age group.

When my niece was that age (only a few years ago) she'd have loved something like you describe. I don't think it sounds childish for a 12/13 year old but maybe I'm out of touch, haha.

It's so hard isn't it it's a tricky age. My DD would love that she is 12 turning 13 in September but has Autism and ADHD although is in mainstream. I do however agree with pp that other kids might take the mic especially if she is the young end of y8 so some other kids will be nearly 14. You know the friendship group and what it would be like though. We did last year's at Lush.. that worked well and a hen do came in after us so Def not too babyish

Yh I wouldn’t agree to this either. Can you direct her to a cinema trip with a visit to a dessert place or something like that? Find a compromise activity if possible.

My DD threw a ‘kids party’ for her friends 17th. They all loved it and had a great time!

My DD is 13 and would enjoy that - so would I 😆

I think she’d be picked on and the mainstream kids would think it was babyish. My daughter is 12 and there’s no way she would go for this

The disco dome and slush machine make it sound more age appropriate.
You could get props so they can take photos/selfies.
My girlguides are age 10-13 and enjoy pizza, fizzy pop they can help themselves to and a silent disco.

I'd say what she wants is fine, just do it in the evening and call it a disco,

Mine had a hired hot tub party yr7 that was a big hit.

When I was 13 I had 5 friends over for a sleepover (the theme was pink) and we had mocktails and watched mean girls. I think if she wants it and kids will come then do it but it would be awful if no one showed up

DD attends a resource base and her cohort have similar interests to her. Her mainstream friends are all ND and also have similar interests x

I think your mum is right. Most girls on the cusp of 13 will be expecting something to reflect that age. They won’t want soft play as it will be deemed babyish.

A cinema trip or similar would be much better.

Op I think it's a lovely gesture but I agree with other posters unfortunately your dad would be mocked it shouldn't be this way, social media peer pressure etc make our children grow up far too quickly

If they all have similar interests then it must be fine, surely?

The disco dome is something like this, but it's black and silver on the outside. It's in the adult section and is aimed at weddings etc. It's got Bluetooth speakers and disco lighting inside. We were also planning on hiring a popcorn machine and slush machine and probably ordering pizzas for food.

The reason DD asked for a hall is because the size and layout of our garden means we couldn't fit anything like this in it.

If you just call it a disco. Well, I went to many 18ths that were discos…how can that be babyish?

I'm shocked by some of the answers... do 13yo's not have discos anymore?!

I'm not THAT old (27!) and it was all the rage to have disco-type parties when my cohort turned 13! I probably went to 15+ when I was in Y8!! Some in village halls, some in people's homes. A slush machine would have gone down a treat. We just had sweets and cans of pop. I know kids are growing up quicker these days, but my cousin is 8 years younger than me and she would have enjoyed the same at that age.

My ds is autistic and would love this but it depends on her friendship group they may well pooh Pooh it.

Some pizza, some mock tails,someone doing nails. Sounds like fun.

My dd is about to turn 13 and would love the disco dome thing!!! Unfortunately there isnt a hall big enough for one locally so we are hiring a hall and doing pizza, hot dogs and a movie. Kids are being told to bring cushions to sit on, come in pjs etc.

Yes brand it for a teen ,have whatever inside

Do what she wants with her friends! She/they will love it & the 'mean girls' at school can bitch their nasty mothers.

As long as it is intended for adults and has not got a age / weight limit then it will be fine

In that case just go for it! If her friends have similar interests then it will be fine and they will all enjoy it.