AIBU to think 13 is still young enough for a “childrens” birthday party?

[Iyamnotayam]

DD is nearly 13. She's medically complex and has had multiple surgeries the latest of which was a minor surgery last week. DD also has SEND, and even though she's into makeup and music etc, she can sometimes seem a bit younger than her peers socially. DD has never had any issues retaining friends and has a good mix of friends both in mainstream and specialist provision.

As it's DDs birthday soon, my mum kindly offered to pay for her birthday party. Before getting a surgery date, DD initially chose to go to an inflatable park and my mum said there's no limit on friends. However we had to change plans and dates due to DDs surgery recovery. When I asked DD what she wants for her party instead, she asked if we could hire a hall, get an inflatable "disco dome" that has a Bluetooth speaker and lighting and if we could hire a slush machine.

When I told my mum, her reaction was to poo poo this and make comments about how you don't see village hall parties anymore, and how DD is turning 13 so should do something more grown up. Unfortunately this was on the phone and DD overheard. Even though I shut my mum down, DD became upset and decided she no longer wanted a party.

Once she calmed down, DD told us she does still want a party, but she wants to be a kid, and doesn't want to be forced to grow up too quickly.

AIBU to think the type of party DD wants is still totally appropriate for a 13 year old, and pay for it myself so I can ensure DD gets the party she wants?

I had that for my 18th, was great.

OP, let her be her. If she thinks her friends will come then go for it and I hope she has a lovely b'day.

Thankfully the company we plan to hire from has a list of suitable halls - it was a lovely surprise finding out they'd done all the leg work and all we need to do is pick a hall and book it

Well, now I want to come to the party too - looks fab and fun! :-)

My NT 14y old and her mates would love that! I wish I’d known about disco domes when we organised the Y11’s leavers do last year as it would have gone down a treat! As it was, we had an inflatable assault course thing which they loved letting some steam off on. Slush machine also sounds fab. Let her have the party she wants, she knows her friends better than your mum and what they would enjoy.

Funnily enough, that's what happened to us. My mum nit picked so much about the wedding we were planning that we scrapped it because we couldn't be arsed with drama about guests we were being pressured into inviting and wedding packages we weren't bothered about having.

My 14yo twins would love this for their 15th! There’s a group of girls in their year “too cool for school” but mine don’t give a crap and like to have fun.

I’m looking at videos of disco domes now - could you get some UV make up/face paint so they all glow in it?! Or glo sticks/glo glasses etc could also be cool!

Most adults I know would think that party sounds fun! I’m not sure why we get so boring as we get older. Afternoon tea is all well and good but imagine how much fun it would be if there was an adults party with inflatables, pizza and slushy drinks!

@Iyamnotayam a disco dome with karaoke and slushie machine sounds perfect for a 13 year old's party. This is exactly what a classmate of DD's had for her 14th and it was a big success.

I think it sounds fun but I could be out of touch! Definitely call it a disco. What's wrong with an inflatable anyway? When I used to go to a nightclub back in the 90s they did house nights and there was a bouncy castle in it.
My son went to an 18th in a church hall recently, although they did take alcohol to it.

Her birthday, her choice. Sounds great. My DD24 ladt week, had 5 friends round to her flat, played pin the tail on the donkey, pass the parcel and other "kids" game(sure their was drink involve though!) At Christmas we still do silly games and only have one young child now in a v large family, Everyone loves it.. Hope you DD has a great time.

I'm really surprised by the responses on here!
All these 12/13 yos that are too cool and sophisticated for a disco in the local hall

My DD is 13 and would love it. Not 'babyish' at all but she's not the type to mock others for their party choices anyway.

My DD had a similar disco party at 13 in a village hall but without the dome (which she would have loved). She’s 19 now, it’s not that long ago she was 13, she and her friends had a great time.

Your mum needs to watch her mouth.I think it's great that your daughter wants to embrace her childhood whilst she still can, although actually I don't think the idea sounds particularly childish for her age anyway!
Its too common for kids to be pushed into being mini adults too soon now, worrying about their appearance and forgetting how to be playful.... its awfully sad that so many parents are following the trend and if not so many did, we would still have a nation full of fun loving and carefree kids, but sadly too many are sheep who get obsessed about their kids fitting in.

My mum and I don't see eye to eye on a lot of things. She's clearly neurodivergent herself and has admitted so, but has a very rigid idea of how people should be and what they should do.

She wants DD to like what she thinks a 13 year old should like. She was the same with me, so thankfully I've had years to practice setting boundaries.

As long as nothing DD is doing is harmful, then I don't mind leaning into what she likes. Everyone accepts her for who she is so it's not like there's any reason to change her

Oh this sounds like great fun! Glow
sticks and neon face paint are a necessity, maybe a mocktail station with cocktail makers and fancy plastic glasses - you could even hire a proper mixologist to add to the grown up vibe.
Also, a chill out zone with soothing music videos and comfy beanbags and maybe temporary tattoos/nail art - both to add to the ‘90s nightclub’ vibe and to give ND people space to have a break - we can only dance for so long 🤪

She’s so lucky to have found her tribe - don’t let her change who she is for the sake of pleasing her grandmother and/or a minority of girls who might turn their noses up. They’re not the ones she wants to be friends with anyway!