AIBU to think 13 is still young enough for a “childrens” birthday party?

[Iyamnotayam]

DD is nearly 13. She's medically complex and has had multiple surgeries the latest of which was a minor surgery last week. DD also has SEND, and even though she's into makeup and music etc, she can sometimes seem a bit younger than her peers socially. DD has never had any issues retaining friends and has a good mix of friends both in mainstream and specialist provision.

As it's DDs birthday soon, my mum kindly offered to pay for her birthday party. Before getting a surgery date, DD initially chose to go to an inflatable park and my mum said there's no limit on friends. However we had to change plans and dates due to DDs surgery recovery. When I asked DD what she wants for her party instead, she asked if we could hire a hall, get an inflatable "disco dome" that has a Bluetooth speaker and lighting and if we could hire a slush machine.

When I told my mum, her reaction was to poo poo this and make comments about how you don't see village hall parties anymore, and how DD is turning 13 so should do something more grown up. Unfortunately this was on the phone and DD overheard. Even though I shut my mum down, DD became upset and decided she no longer wanted a party.

Once she calmed down, DD told us she does still want a party, but she wants to be a kid, and doesn't want to be forced to grow up too quickly.

AIBU to think the type of party DD wants is still totally appropriate for a 13 year old, and pay for it myself so I can ensure DD gets the party she wants?

Does she have a good strong and wide friendship circle with similar interests that she could invite?

Maybe I just don't know what an inflatable disco dome is, but honestly I thought it sounded more "grown up" than an inflatable park? Is it not like an inflatable igloo where you have a disco inside?!

I think if she's got lots of friends, then it shouldn't be an issue. But what do I know. I'd probably still worry incessantly, I know when mine were small I did a lot.

If her cohort are into it then go for it.

My DD doesn't want that though. She wants the (adults) disco dome and slush machine. I suppose my thought process is that I don't understand why my mum sees inflatanation as acceptable when it's literally a room of inflatables, but an inflatable disco room isn't acceptable because it's in a village hall as we don't have a big enough garden 😅

Nah DS is 13 and his 13th Birthday Party was at a trampolining park, and then coming back to our house for Pizza and cake while chilling with music. Disco dome would have been fine. He's very mainstream and bright. Maybe some year 8s would mock DD for this, but I'm sure loads would be fine.

I think it sounds brilliant!

My daughter just turned 13. She is NT and probably too grownup for her age, but she would love this party if you called it a disco! The slush/ popcorn/ pizza would be a hit. Throw in a can of Coke and you’re laughing. I’d maybe consider karaoke too! Just avoid any type of game. I like the idea of a Photo Booth with props too, and maybe a chill out area for when they get hit and sweaty, could you have a screen playing music videos?

I agree with this. In fact when I worked at a university the students around 18 to 25 would have loved this. Mocktails, nails, pizza, popcorn, maybe a candy floss machine. He’ll, I’d go for that!

It’s a disco and a slush machine, what’s not to love?! Some girls this age are more ‘grown up’ but a huge chunk would still really enjoy it.

Is your mum thinking it is like a bouncy castle? (Actually, friends of my DC hired a huge bouncy castle for their garden for an 18th and it was great fun). Call it a disco party, because it is. You know your DD will enjoy it and her friends seem to have similar interests.

I think an inflatable disco dome would be cool at any age. If she wanted a princess bouncy castle I'd probably try and sway her to something else but a disco dome is fine.

I think you could have that and pitch it older with the music choice etc. Also unless she has close male friends, I would not invite any boys. It changes the dynamic.

This looks great! My Year 8 is turning 13 soon and her friendship group would definitely enjoy this. They're at a mainstream school and she's AuDHD but I have no idea whether any of her friends have a diagnosis.

Depending on how many kids your daughter is thinking of inviting, the KS3 discos in our area usually have a DJ, glo-sticks/temporary tattoos and a pop-up/inflatable photobooth. This might be a twist on her original idea that would appeal, if she's worried about broader appeal or bigger numbers.

13 is a tricky age. I remember being very upset when my grandmother bought me a lipstick when I turned 13 and I felt pressured to grow up quicker than I was. It's your daughter's party so of course she should have the celebration she wants!

A disco dome isn’t soft play

My teens would love this.
Go for it OP

It's your daughter's birthday and she should decide what she wants, it's actually sad how quick we want them to choose grown up activities....it's our expectations only...let her be a kid and enjoy herself on her birthday 🎂 forget what other ppl think, it's not about them...Go for it I'm sure her and her friends will have an amazing time 🥳🎉

My daughter is 13 and is young for her age. Also autistic but in mainstream. I think she’d love this sort of thing. Can you do it in the evening? That would sort out the young kids party vibe. My daughter had a massive party for her 13th (we are Jewish) and we had a ceilidh in a church hall. We decorated all the walls with metallic tinsel and kept the lights down a bit and it changed the whole feel of it.

No, my mum just has a weird thing about how things affect her image, and anything that could influence how others view her. She's quite well off, and loves expensive things, and I think she thinks that people will think she's poor if DD has a party in a "village hall" type place.

She also got really weird when my husband and I got married in a country house on a cliff, and only had 8 guests. Amongst other things.

I usually ignore her, but for some reason she made me wobble about DDs birthday

I thought it was kind of like a bouncy castle - maybe your mum thought it was that because it’s inflatable? But now I’ve seen pictures and know what you mean I think it’s a great idea along with mocktails, slushies etc.

Edit: cross posted and see it’s about the village hall not the dome itself

Thank you for all these extra ideas! I'll speak to DD about them.

13 is definitely proving to be tricky!

It's birthday party season round here and 14 Yr old dd has been to a 13th or 14th birthday party seems like every weekend recently. She and all her friends would love what you describe. No one would find it babyish. Sounds like a blast.

Some of the parties she's been to recently:
Trampoline park
Treasure hunt
Tent sleepover
Painting in the garden
Party games in the garden
Leaping around to music in someone's living room
Outdoor challenges in the garden run by someone's dad
Races and silly competitions at a local park
Making kmart craft kits at someone's house

I don’t know why you’re describing it as a children’s party. Those disco things are aimed at adults. It’s completely age appropriate. I suspect your mum hasn’t really understood what it is.

I think the mention of a village hall makes people think of kid’s parties, but I agree OPs hour sounds totally appropriate for that age.

I agree with others, if you frame it as a disco and steer clear of anything that feels too young, like balloons, it sounds like a great idea. A slush machine and popcorn would be a big hit too. It could also be a really positive experience for her in learning that she doesn’t have mask who she is and hide the things she enjoys just to fit in, especially as it sounds like she’s chosen friends who are are well matched to her and will enjoy it.

It's very different to a kids' hall party, I think your mum has been too harsh.

That said, expecting them to dance can be hit or miss at this age so I would be a bit hesitant. But DS's resource base is mostly boys, which might make a difference.