AIBU to think 13 is still young enough for a “childrens” birthday party?

[Iyamnotayam]

DD is nearly 13. She's medically complex and has had multiple surgeries the latest of which was a minor surgery last week. DD also has SEND, and even though she's into makeup and music etc, she can sometimes seem a bit younger than her peers socially. DD has never had any issues retaining friends and has a good mix of friends both in mainstream and specialist provision.

As it's DDs birthday soon, my mum kindly offered to pay for her birthday party. Before getting a surgery date, DD initially chose to go to an inflatable park and my mum said there's no limit on friends. However we had to change plans and dates due to DDs surgery recovery. When I asked DD what she wants for her party instead, she asked if we could hire a hall, get an inflatable "disco dome" that has a Bluetooth speaker and lighting and if we could hire a slush machine.

When I told my mum, her reaction was to poo poo this and make comments about how you don't see village hall parties anymore, and how DD is turning 13 so should do something more grown up. Unfortunately this was on the phone and DD overheard. Even though I shut my mum down, DD became upset and decided she no longer wanted a party.

Once she calmed down, DD told us she does still want a party, but she wants to be a kid, and doesn't want to be forced to grow up too quickly.

AIBU to think the type of party DD wants is still totally appropriate for a 13 year old, and pay for it myself so I can ensure DD gets the party she wants?

Sounds perfectly age appropriate. It’s a disco party that happens to be held in a village hall. Nothing like a kids party. I think if you got one of those selfie booths with props that would work well too. Organise the party and I hope your DD has an amazing time!

My DD is 13 this year and I’ve asked her if she would have this for her birthday and she said yeah looks fun. She is NT if this is what your DD wants then screw it. You only live once xxx

Exactly this! Get a DJ, invite the year group (or a large portion) and throw an evening party.

I know someone who was so worried what her friends would think about her daughter's proposed wedding that the daughter decided to elope. The planned wedding was perfectly sensible, in a lovely barn venue, but not as posh as mum wanted. She didn't get any wedding as a consequence.

I think it sounds amazing and not childish at all. What you've described is more of a disco anyway. If her friends are similar age and like the same things then sounds like they're on the same wavelength as DD and would relish something like that

What a great idea from your daughter.
This looks great! The disco theme with the slushy and popcorn machines etc. make sure your playlist is suitable for dancing and singing!!

Top tip on the photo booth which is a great idea...you can easily set up your own backdrop with some props (silly inflatables, hats, big sunglasses etc) and take photos with your own phones and share.

A floor disco ball (easily bought for £9.99 online) would also add to the atmosphere.

I would just go for more adult type decor rather than very young type.

My teen and most of their friends would love this!

I hope your daughter has a lovely party.

It’s fine though you may struggle to find somewhere to hold it, it looks high and most halls have noise limitations. If it’s pizza not sandwiches, that means it’s less childlike too. Do pick and mix sweets rather than party bags etc

Ahhhh…ignore your mum, we all know the type. Throw the party, and spam the family group chat with loads of photos to show her how much fun your daughter and her friends are having. It sounds ace!

I have a 13 year old and while we haven't done that type of party since she was a primary child, it sounds awesome and she would definitely go to it!

It’s common to have 13th birthday “disco parties“ at my DC school at a village hall or similar. DJ, pizza and soft drinks

My DD15 would love this! Watching a movie afterwards with a projector and popcorn could also be great! You could say it’s a disco and movie and if her friends are normal nice children they’ll love it!

My DD would have loved this and wanted exactly this at her 13/14 and even 15th party but in our garden. Her friends were excited for it too but the disco dome company wouldn’t do it the month of her birthday as too cold/wet unfortunately so we ended up with indoor disco parties.

I think this sounds lovely for your DD and I bet her friends will love it too. I feel sad for the posters with 13 year olds too grown up for a disco dome and a slushy!

Id absolutely go for it! It’s a real shame she overheard your mum. It’s great she’s able to articulate what she likes. Resource bases are completely different and if she’s inviting just the kids from there is sounds brilliant.

My NT DS14 went to a girl’s 14th bday party in a local hall with full on disco theme only a few weeks ago. Massive turn out of roughly 80 kids, all 13 and 14 year olds.

We had a disco dome two years running (summer birthdays in the garden) but I think slightly younger than this, maybe it was 11 and 12. It went down really well! They have Bluetooth so you can make the playlist whatever they want through a phone. I would have thought this would still be ok at 13 but you’d have to check out who your dd wants to invite. If you need to hire a hall too
it won’t be cheap at all and no/shows would be bad. I’d find a subtle way of trying to check if the ppl she likes will come. But I don’t think it’s an inappropriate idea at all.

My soon to be 13yr old dd would love this as would her friends!! If we put it in our communal garden, it would soon fill up with adult neighbours too. I'm just going to Google this and see if I have the budget for it😁

My DD opted to have an ‘at home’ party when she was 13 - silly party games (i can’t remember exactly what, we found some on the internet, several involving balloons , ‘party food’ (in pizza). They all seemed to thoroughly enjoy being allowed to still be kids.

No SEND - they were a couple of local friend and the rest were classmates from her girls’ GS.

Your idea seems relatively ‘grown-up’ OP😂

Wow the messages have shocked me. Honestly call it a disco, add props for photos, “mocktails” and some good lighting- it’s not like you plan on playing baby shark.

My cousin had a disco for her 13th in a church hall, it was amazing, we all danced to cha cha slide and las ketchup. I think times have changed though and this would now be deemed embarrassing. The cinema or bowling would be a better idea.

I just asked my 14yr old, disco dome and slushies sound ace....but only if its evening and discodome is UV/glowing...... would make for awesome tik toks apparently.....

My daughter and most of her friends had a 13th birthday disco in a hall. One of them had a ‘dress
up as something starting with the first letter of your name.’ Not babyish at all although don’t expect them to Dance they’ll likely just congregate and take selfies! A Photobooth always goes down well

In your circumstances I'd go for it, it sounds like her friends will all love it so why not!

I think this should have been in the OP. I’d say it sounds fine for them. Enjoy!

This looks really cool and If the girls would all enjoy it then why not?
music and mocktails could make it really fun and if it won’t fit in the garden then a village hall venue is a good option.

Sounds so cool! Your DD seems really fun 🤩
For my 18th we had a water balloon fight. At my sister’s 21st we played pass -the-parcel.
”Teenage” parties are a bore, and it sounds like she doesn’t have any boring friends anyway.