Cards, private or not?

[impatientfury]

Not something I have a bee in my bonnet about, just a thought really.

MIL turned up for son's birthday yesterday and within 5 minutes, told us she was going to go and read the cards (in the living room, we were all in the kitchen). It is also our anniversary and SS 18th birthday v shortly so a mix of cards out.

I just wondered if you would consider cards a free for all or private? To my mind, they could have sentimental words meant for you personally in them, for instance our anniversary cards. And I guess the answer would be not to display them, but this is our home, I'm not pinning them to a notice board on the village green, I should be able to put a card on the window cill from my husband? I guess I just find it slightly intrusive, to not even check first? Am I weird?

Probably stems from the fact I find her very unaware of herself. We get on very well but she is quite oblivious at times.

Anyway, cards, private or free-for-all?

Modern times, free for anyone to read especially at the birthday party.

Back when front rooms were the posh bit of the house, and you’d be invited into it, then only family.

I think a free for all if they are in family spaces? I keep cards with more personal, sentimental messages in my bedroom. Like anniversary messages from DH etc.

Free for all. If you didn’t want them read why put them out on display?

I keep private things private anything else i dont care

It is absolute lunacy to complain about people looking at things that you've put on display.

It never occurred to me that cards were private before coming on MN and finding that some other people do.

That said, I would only do it with family and close friends so clearly I have recognised there is a boundary.

I wouldn’t be happy if people read my cards from my husband and grown up sons because they tend to write something very personal and heartfelt and therefore private.

I’d never make a point of doing more than looking at the front of cards on display in a home.

I think it’s rude to read the inside messages without asking. It’s very obviously the pictures which are on display, not the messages which were intended for the recipient. I wouldn’t be angry as such, but I would definitely consider the person ill-mannered.

i t hink she should have asked

Free for all we always display cards and they are for people to look at. If dh or I wrote a card not for others eyes I wouldn’t display it I’d keep it in our bedroom.

I guess that's me told then, I just have never picked up cards in someone else's home, family or not. You display them to my mind for the event, and as a sort of thank you for receiving it.

It's not something I'm deeply offended by, it's just at odds with how I personally behave I suppose.

The inside is private, that's why it's inside! The outside is the bit on display and is fine to read

I dont do it to other peoples i just dont care who does it to ours

This.

I'm with you @impatientfury MIL used to do this and it crossed a boundary. The picture is to look at, the message is inside. I wouldn't do it at someone else's house. I might say "what a nice card" and my mum might respond "oh yes, that's from George and Val" and tell me their news.

if you've left them out on display then they’re not private. If you don’t want them read by others put them away or in your own bedroom.

I personally would find it rude to read cards in someone else's house without asking first. A simple 'would you mind if I read the cards in the front room' would go a long way. But it seems that politeness, which oils the wheels of social contact, is pretty dead these days.

Oh! I read cards. I didn’t realise I was being rude

Every day is a school day on mumsnet 🤣

Or, another thought way to look at it is that everyone is different and that you don't need to be condescending just because you don't agree.

I’d look at them if it was a family member, a friend or acquaintance I wouldn’t look.

No, I don’t go into relatives’ homes and assume I can pick up and handle their personal possessions and read what’s inside them, simply because they are visible.

Where does it end? Address books? Journals? Work files? Keep your beak out of my stuff. Ask first.

Not sure. I understand why you feel this is intrusive, but I’m embarrassed to admit that I think that I have looked at people’s cards that were on display.

I imagine it’s an age thing? Reading cards is definitely something people do but I don’t think younger people do really.

It wouldn't bother me but I’m wondering what people write in birthday cards for 5 year olds that would be so private?!

My mother would come in and read all my birthday cards inside and out. That’s why I have to hide half my cards from my close girl friends before she arrives as some are rather rude (the cards, not what’s written inside)!