Cards, private or not?

[impatientfury]

Not something I have a bee in my bonnet about, just a thought really.

MIL turned up for son's birthday yesterday and within 5 minutes, told us she was going to go and read the cards (in the living room, we were all in the kitchen). It is also our anniversary and SS 18th birthday v shortly so a mix of cards out.

I just wondered if you would consider cards a free for all or private? To my mind, they could have sentimental words meant for you personally in them, for instance our anniversary cards. And I guess the answer would be not to display them, but this is our home, I'm not pinning them to a notice board on the village green, I should be able to put a card on the window cill from my husband? I guess I just find it slightly intrusive, to not even check first? Am I weird?

Probably stems from the fact I find her very unaware of herself. We get on very well but she is quite oblivious at times.

Anyway, cards, private or free-for-all?

Anything productive on the thread or just in search of bun fights?

In fairness, you were the one picking a fight. Her initial comment was perfectly innocuous. Your reaction was very snarky.

I'd just look at the outside. I'd assume the inside was private (especially anniversary cards, or an older child's or adults birthday card) or just a boring 'To x, Happy Birthday, from Y' type thing. I don't have much interest in the inside.

But I'm now wondering if it's because I like art so the outside is the interesting bit to me - when I buy cards it's all about the design, writing inside is a bit perfunctary for me. I wonder if it's different if you're someone who really values the word / message inside more.

Free for all. If you don’t want folk to read them, say so.

Two different things really looking at her GS's cards why not, I don't suppose there is anything she shouldn't see if you have seen them. Anniversary cards could be more personal but if you left them out for your 18 year old to read I doubt they were that personal, they would be hidden somewhere if they were embarrassing.

My MIL would have been checking to see if the aunts and uncles had sent birthday cards and would be annoyed with them if they hadn't!

I wonder if it's different if you're someone who really values the word / message inside more

My family tend towards humour, and often on-going family in-jokes. We read each other's cards on the mantle piece because that's how you get the punchline.

If it's a particularly beautiful card, I might pick it up to see who it's from - "ah, of course, your cousin Nigel in the Hebrides. What a stunning view!"

But maybe it's a class or northern thing? Or an age thing? Definitely all of my parents generation would look at cards on the sideboard for one another. My cousins and siblings do (40s to 60s). I don't know if our children do (teens to 30s)

Anything a bit personal (or rude) would not be in the rooms shared with friends and family.

Well it’s a thread about reading cards so unlikely to be productive anyway. But no, I just think you are being necessarily sharp with people ..then I noticed your username!

This has been debated a few times on here. I think they are private, and think it’s unbelievably rude to read them. I wouldn’t dream of doing it but my FIL loves nothing more than reading all of our cards and then asking detailed questions about the contents. Now I clear away all cards before he arrives, which is a bit sad really.

My Dad used to read all cards and then moved on to reading the household post. I asked him not to, he would reference private things in conversation, so clearly hadn’t stopped. I downloaded Australian visa applications and put them into the pile. One awkward conversation later and he never did it again. 😂

But maybe it's a class or northern thing? Or an age thing? Definitely all of my parents generation would look at cards on the sideboard for one another. My cousins and siblings do (40s to 60s). I don't know if our children do (teens to 30s)

I had never seen anyone do it until my MIL did it to ours. She's the same generation as my parents (late 80s now). It wasn't something any of my grandparents did. None of my friends, or my children's friends do it.

I think it's a manners thing. And it's rude to nosey about in other people's things.

Way back in the dark ages it was normal to show off cards and visitors used to read them. In those olden days we had a "show of presents" a few days before our wedding, took place at the mother of the brides home, only women were invited and a lovely tea was laid on. All of the presents were laid out along with the gift cards.

I would go read my mum or dads cards, see what my siblings bought and wrote ye

Is it rude? I've never written anything in a card that is private

ETA - 34, down south.

When cards were expensive and people had less disposable income, in the 70s, we would visit people and they show off their cards and you'd be invited to read them. People would have their Christmas cards on string or holder on the wall and they'd ask you if you had read them, expecting you to have done so. I don't think there's a right or wrong way. I would possibly only look at my grandchildren's cards, but I'm busy, so I don't. I'd just say how lovely a card on display was, out of politeness.

I thought you meant Tarot readings !

I think it's really rude to read someone else's cards. It's the pictures on the cards that are on display, not the messages inside.

My SIL has a clever way of dealing with this; she displays them on a ledge above her kitchen window so you'd have to climb on a chair to be able to read them. Now that would be incredibly rude!

Me too. I thought, great a fortune telling relative at a party.

Most of the cards I send or receive are jokey so you'd need to read the inside to get them. I wouldn't bother reading boring ones in someone else's home but I'd definitely read the joke ones.

I read cards. If it were a friend then I might say “… ooh do you mind if I read your cards?’ But a 5 year old grandson? What on earth could be so controversial? Jeez, talk about precious. It’s nice that she’s interested in who is wishing him happy birthday.

This.

If on a window ledge, surely they are there for family to read if they want. I see no harm in this.

If they're on display it's a free for all for anyone close enough to be invited in.

You’ve answered your own question. Don’t put them out if you don’t want them read.

the alternative is to tell people that they are not allowed to read them.

I would never read the insides of cards people have put on their shelves. The fronts are for display and the messages inside are the equivalent of letters. I’m surprised more people don’t know the etiquette around this. Picking up other people’s cards and reading the insides is like unfolding a letter and reading it. You don’t do it unless you are rude.

I think it’s nosy, rude and odd. Not sure how bothered I’d be if it happened - not very probably but I would find the behaviour odd.

I have a friend who does this. She comes into the sitting room and just reaches for the cards and reads them, sometimes commenting. I think it's very rude, but she's a good, kind person who was perhaps not taught good manners as a child. She should have learned by now, though!

We now put our cards way up high on the shelves and sadly we also tailor our messages to each other in case she gets them.

I've also known people who come into your home and pick up items - ornaments etc - and turn them upside down and look for marks etc.

Very rude, but if the person h as redeeming qualities, I overlook it and just keep personal stuff out of their reach.