Cards, private or not?

[impatientfury]

Not something I have a bee in my bonnet about, just a thought really.

MIL turned up for son's birthday yesterday and within 5 minutes, told us she was going to go and read the cards (in the living room, we were all in the kitchen). It is also our anniversary and SS 18th birthday v shortly so a mix of cards out.

I just wondered if you would consider cards a free for all or private? To my mind, they could have sentimental words meant for you personally in them, for instance our anniversary cards. And I guess the answer would be not to display them, but this is our home, I'm not pinning them to a notice board on the village green, I should be able to put a card on the window cill from my husband? I guess I just find it slightly intrusive, to not even check first? Am I weird?

Probably stems from the fact I find her very unaware of herself. We get on very well but she is quite oblivious at times.

Anyway, cards, private or free-for-all?

Were you not taught it's rude to be so nosy and prying in someone else's home?

It sounds as though you're normalising this behaviour!

I am, because it is normal in every household I know. Were you not taught not to be snarky and accusatory?

What? Everyone you know walks in and picks up other people's cards??? I'm sorry, I just don't believe that. I only know one person and some people (like me) make allowances, but take action to foil her, and others just tell her to stopl

You read the personal messages inside cards?? Cards are attractive and make a nice display - that's why people put them out - not so that nosy parkers can stride in and start reading them. Strewth.

No, rude, ignorant, intrusive, entitled....and not something I see very often.

I don’t think you should consider them private if you have them out on display, but at the same time I wouldn’t even think to read anyone else’s cards that were out on display in their home. The messages in a card are intended for the recipient, not for an audience, so I can understand why people would want - or feel entitled - to read them.

I put cards from my DH on my bedside table rather than downstairs, as he always writes heartfelt words that feel private.

Your mil is RUDE and needs telling!! Ask her if she would also like to read your private mail and your bank statements while she’s at it! When she said what she did you should say my house isn’t a library full of things for everyone to read what they want!

I think if cards are out on display then anyone invited into the home can read them , if something is private then don’t put it on display .

The cards are pretty - you can look at those and admire them!

But surely good manners would stop you actively getting up, going over and picking them up and reading personal messages to the birthday girl/boy etc? I'd just say 'Wow - some lovely cards!'

I've been really embarrassed when someone has done this to me. Those messages are personal.

I really think you’re blowing it out of proportion here. I’ve never strode into anyone’s home started reading cards.

Some cards have a punch line written inside, so you have to open it to appreciate it fully, so I have admired funny cards and laughed at the clever jokes or illustrations. And I’ve never seen it as a problem if anyone else does the same

I'm no contact with my mother now but she used to do this. Birthday cards I had on display would be picked up one by one and she'd read them all.
I wouldn't dream of doing the same. I display my cards because they're nice to look at for a day or two. That doesn't mean that I'm inviting people to read the messages inside.
If I left my bank statements out or my water bill should I expect that someone is going to pick those up and read them too?

My mum does this, makes a beeline for the cards as she wants to read them, in the same way she listens to other people’s convos at dinners. She once read a really personal and racy one from dh on our anniversary and I’ve put them upstairs ever since.

All those folk talking about it being rude and obviously bad manners to read someone’s DISPLAYED cards are not superior but simply grew up in a different culture to those of us for whom it’s entirely normal and not remotely rude. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I put out cards for me to look at. It’s my house. Just because something isn’t squirrelled away it doesn’t mean you can touch it without asking.

Wouldn't enter my head to read anyone's card nothing more than oh that's a bonnie card etc.

My df reads any card or letter lying around. I find it intrusive, but then i probably shouldn't leave them out.

I’m with you op. Your mil was rude to do that.

God - so rude. You shouldn't have to feel like that in your own home. These people are just rude and nosy.

So much justification on here! I'm amazed - it's a glimpse into another world.

Cards are on display for you to enjoy the designs, not read people's personal messages. As I said upthread, the breathtaking cheek of one visitor meant that my entire family changed the tone of their messages in cards to other family members to something very anodyne and formal, which is a shame.

Should leave out something like a love honey order form in Mil name with some huge sex toys..that'll teach him.

Free for all. You sound odd.