The only way to overcome anxiety is through exposure

[Passaggressfedup]

I recently overcome a massive anxiety of mine. I feel so liberated and proud. It has made me think of the other significant anxiety triggers I experienced in life and concluded that all have been overcome through regular, controlled exposure over time.

I read so many thread about children or young people experiencing anxiety, where the parent has opted to take the child away from the situation thinking it is what's best for them.

I appreciate that there was some specific instances where removal is the for the best, but aren't we, as a society, making things worse by not helping our children to face their fear so that they can not only gradually get over that particular fear, but also learn to build that sense of resilience, pride and positivity that comes with it?

Exactly. Every teenage school refuser I know has parents that let them skip anything that made them uncomfortable from a young age- sports days, swimming carnivals, school camps, cross countries.

The kids never got that invaluable life skill of “well that sucked. I’m glad it’s over. And nothing bad happened. Next time will suck too, but I know I can get through”

Instead they learn they don’t need to do things that make them uncomfortable and what’s more, they probably couldn’t do it anyway because mum and dad must agree they aren’t capable of doing it because they let them skip it.

So in your expert opinion, exposure to repeated violent rapes would help me?
Gosh, no, that's not what I'm saying, obviously. It's not the event you need to be exposed to but the triggers for your fears. What triggers the anxiety for you?

Because I wouldn’t feel any pride and confidence being violently raped?

That ‘get on with it, keep going no matter what’ attitude left me with fibromyalgia.

I kept on being responsible, powering through, until my body stopped me. Now I’ve learned to be a bit more sympathetic to myself, to rest when exhausted, to stop things that are causing me pain.

Banging your head on a wall and waiting for the pain to stop- and it will-, isn’t a long term strategy.

Tell me you know nothing about trauma…

Traumatic experiences are held in our body in different ways, when these are “triggered” they create the same, automatic, instinctive response that the original trauma did. Being able to recognise that you are being triggered, knowing what that feels like for you, and learning how to regulate that response is very careful, tricky work. Traditional exposure therapy can be very harmful because the trigger is located in the individual rather than the environment (although it can feel environmental), basically someone can end up deeply retraumatised if trauma response isn’t properly understood and supported.

The more you speak the less knowledgeable you appear.

Yes, in some cases a bit of “just get on with it” can help, in many others it can do lasting harm.

I'm not sure if a phobia is the same as anxiety but I'm exposed to spiders every time I open my garage and I'm in there daily
Well yes because it's not gradual exposure. That's the whole point, you don't get over a phobia by being thrown into the trigger. Gradual and control is key.

For spiders, it might start with just looking at pictures of them without getting the heart rate tripping. It might then move to knowing there is one next door but can't come in. Then being in the same room but not looking at it etc...it's finding out what would work for you. That's the journey parents need to take with their kids.

I'm really very sorry to hear what's happened to you and I hope perpetrators locked in jail till the end of time.

How are you living your life now?

It depends doesn't it. I'm never doing a parachute jump but it's not held me back. No plans to get a dog but I've gradually got more used to them over my life

Because I wouldn’t feel any pride and confidence being violently raped?
I think you are totally misunderstanding what this thread is about!

If the trauma of tape triggers a fear of the dark for instance, it's about learning to feel ok in the dark.

It's obviously not learning that it's ok to be raped!

Please be aware that the advice on this thread may well be dangerous, depending on you or your child’s level of trauma and the causes. It is amateurish at best and could well do more harm than good. You should seek professional support. If you are trying to help someone in your family.

I think you may need to spell out that you are talking about anxiety as it initially presents rather than PTSD, CPTSD etc.

People are rather talking at cross purposes.

You’re comparing cptsd to a fear of the dark?

wow.

I kept on being responsible, powering through, until my body stopped me. Now I’ve learned to be a bit more sympathetic to myself, to rest when exhausted, to stop things that are causing me pain
So not gradual and controlled exposure?

I have a disease that makes going out in public difficult due to the comments I receive from the general public. This causes me great anxiety.
It doesn't matter how many times I go out and how regularly because the anticipation for a comment is always there.

I imagine this is like being a child and going into school where you are being bullied.
You know you are going to get comments from your bully/bullies every day because the past has told you that much. Therefore you withdraw.

You then build yourself up to go at it again but continue to receive insults or violence. The anxiety surrounding school is now immense, doesn't matter how few lessons you do, different start times, the thing that is causing anxiety is still there.
There are some awfully behaved children with some disgusting behaviour towards teachers and students attending schools. They can't be expelled yet continue to disrupt and upset all around them.

Yet we expect the children to just tolerate this and carry on. In my day children would be disciplined and expelled for persistently bad and bullying behaviour but now they just get negative marks on a computer behaviour system and then sent back amongst the general population.

I think you may need to spell out that you are talking about anxiety as it initially presents rather than PTSD, CPTSD etc. People are rather talking at cross purposes

Indeed!

Thank you so much for this. I have a child who was significantly re traumatised in the way you described. It has caused significant life changing damage and the need for lengthy treatment.

Just knowing there is an awareness of this helps me trust the better informed professionals he is now with more.

Indeed!

You’re comparing cptsd to a fear of the dark?
No I'm not but I get the feeling that you are just posting to just elicit outrage knowing that what I'm saying is not what you are choosing to interpret it as, so I won't engage further.

This is very true. I’ve been generally anxious for as long as I can remember, and sometimes it has been made worse by forced exposure to things when I’m already on the edge. Not everyone realises that I’m already doing well to be up and out of bed; I’m facing a fear just by getting that far. Then they try to get me to do something like going to a busy train station and it’s just too much, so I go into meltdown and that just makes it harder to do anything at all.

i absolutely agree that parents need to encourage their children to develop resilience; in most cases (absolutely not all) they should be encouraged to work through nervousness and anxiety rather than being removed from the situation.

I agree broadly, op. Years ago I started experiencing panic attacks and reacted by making my world smaller and smaller. Susan Jeffers' book 'Feel the fear and do it anyway' really opened my eyes to try and keep challenging myself and helped me open up my world again. It's an old book now but its message still resonates.

Absolutely this!!!

Please, please don’t follow the advice on here.

You’ve no idea what you’re talking about when it comes to actual diagnosed anxiety and its comorbidities.

A lot of anxieties are trauma based.

you might be surprised how many people there are out there who have been raped or sexually abused.

the best estimates we have on a population level (Sweden) suggest that by the time they are teenagers about one third have been abused.

sexual abuse is incredibly, incredibly common, and as you say earlier in the thread you are fully aware that being anxious as a result of being g violently raped will not be solved by being repeatedly violently raped.

a LOT more anxiety than you might think is driven be very violent and traumatic events.

sure, phobias of flying etc might be dealsble with y fear of flying courses and the like.

but many many many people are scared of men or just people in general as a result of violent or sexual abuse and exposure therapy is not going to fix that aswell as being immoral.

I agree, obviously there are people dealing with serious trauma or ptsd who are dealing with severe anxiety. But for ordinary children we need to stop labelling feeling a bit nervous as anxiety. I notice it in schools now. Teen feels nervous about the fact the didn't do their homework. Someone well meaning sends our an email saying "X is feeling anxious' please don't question them about their homework. Next week, X decides to tell the kindly person they don't like it when the teacher asks them questions. So next email " Due to x's anxiety please don't cold call", the week after it's must sit next to bff the week after it's must have a movement break. Before you know it X is at home refusing to come to school. If X had just turned up to my lesson and accepted that they were going to be moaned at for not doing their homework then none of this would've happened. Some parents and staff in education think that students shouldn't experience any sort of discomfort but this means they have no resilience.

What seem to come out from this thread is that some people interpret exposure with being thrown in the lion den and expecting to be fine with it.

I just want to make it very clear that what I'm suggesting is adaptive controlled exposure.

It took me over 10 years to get to a point that I can cope with my fear. I'm not fearless. I can just cope without feeling overwhelmed. I would still rather not be exposed, but I'm okay when I am. I have a some form of ritual to get through it, one noone would be aware of. I've gone from utter panic to okay.