The only way to overcome anxiety is through exposure

[Passaggressfedup]

I recently overcome a massive anxiety of mine. I feel so liberated and proud. It has made me think of the other significant anxiety triggers I experienced in life and concluded that all have been overcome through regular, controlled exposure over time.

I read so many thread about children or young people experiencing anxiety, where the parent has opted to take the child away from the situation thinking it is what's best for them.

I appreciate that there was some specific instances where removal is the for the best, but aren't we, as a society, making things worse by not helping our children to face their fear so that they can not only gradually get over that particular fear, but also learn to build that sense of resilience, pride and positivity that comes with it?

Oh my kids did and do that. I was flexible but didn’t realise however that it was causing huge MH difficulties and overwhelm- until it was too late.

It's some years ago, as I said, but yes, pretty sure it was just anxiety.

No, I don't think he was "trying it on", but yes, I do think he was pandered to by parents and the school to an extent.
He didn't cause me any issues in class. A lovely boy who was never once rude or disruptive to learning in any way. I felt sorry for him that he was burdened with so much anxiety. But I also felt that it was made worse by the constant hand-wringing of many of the adults around him. I personally think a bit more jollying along would have done him the world of good.
Just my opinion.

have you heard of masking? It’s what very anxious and/or autistic young people do to survive in school. When you say the parents pandered to it, do you mean they came in to school to ask for reasonable adjustments to be made?

Hmm - I've heard the phrase 'jollying along' used so often by well meaning people - often in teaching and support roles. In fact, we heard it so much we took it to heart and sent our Y7 child to school every day without fail for a year under the completely misguided notion that it was just a case of him learning to adapt and manage his anxieties - essentially exposure would do the trick with a few basic support strategies in place.

We were constantly warned by the GP and head of year that if we took him out we'd never get him back in school. When we finally got to see a CAMH's child psychiatrist (after jumping through endless hoops - Ed Psych and MAST interventions, CBT programmes etc) we were told this had been entirely the wrong approach. His anxiety was so extreme, his mental health and resilience so stretched to breaking point, he should never have been put through that year. The psychiatrist basically told us what we had known all along in our gut but had quashed out of fear of somehow letting him down - that no adult would have been made to suffer in this way and yet children are routinely forced to endure extreme pain under the umbrella of resilience building. What he needed was time out, medication, and then once stable, therapy to address the causes and work out a support strategy.

I get that teachers have lots of experience educating and supporting kids but they're not child psychiatrists or psychologists. Their focus is limited (as it has to be - teaching is a huge job in itself). However, with the best will in the world, this means teachers are not going to have any real insight into the child's life outside those 6 hours a day and the assumptions they make about what is or isn't happening in terms of causes, parental inadequacy etc are just that -assumptions based on their own experiences (or lack of).

We've learned the hard way - yes listen to experts but make sure they really do have the relevant experience and expertise needed and most importantly, as parents, listen to your gut when it comes to your own child's needs. Ultimately, you will be held accountable and left to pick up the pieces whatever happens anyway.

I am afraid of heights. I have tried flooding after studying it in psychology. I have been up various heights like the Whispering Gallery in St Paul’s, the Eiffel Tower, glass lifts - I have been nearly hysterical with fright, and only the thought of being an adult, and the embarrassment, stopped me from screaming out loud hysterically.

All it did was confirm to me, I am quite right to be terrified of heights!

I have this experience - I think I'm probably autistic and have severe social anxiety. I go to every social event required of me - parties, weddings, volunteering, the office twice a week etc but it never gets any better, in fact, it's got worse, so it's interesting to hear you feel the same about anxiety triggers. Obviously I'm sure exposure does work in a lot of other circumstances.

YABU
How do you overcome anxiety due to sexual assault via exposure?
Or due to ND?

I'm autistic. Exposure doesn't lessen anxiety because the cause is.npt psychological,.it's neurological. The advice Ive had from two separate therapists is to avoid certain things that give me anxiety and not to force myself to push through.

"Everyone can learn/change. Everyone. Autistic people might find some things harder. They might really not like some stuff. But with repetition everyone can learn and adapt to some degree."

I think that's the point. People with ASD need:

• much more time spent laying foundations for the work that needs to be done,
• much more time to ensure a shared understanding of the issue, language, definitions, etc.
• much more time working on a solution to the issue
• much more time to understand how the situation that is worked on relates to other situations that are similar but different

-much more time learning to adopt a new pattern of behaviour -much more time practicing it (overlearning) -much more support to generalise the skill so it becomes the default behaviour pattern, replacing the old behaviour.

DD1's Consultant Clinical Psychologist (NHS) has been working with her for two years. Today is the first day I've seen her meaningfully engage with the concepts that were being worked on, and tbh, I suspect her willingness was more to do with the colour coded paper and pens rather than the concepts. It is very unlikely that she will be able to retain what the psychologist was saying, recognise that a situation fits the criteria they agreed on, remember the new response, make the response and be calm.

6 or even 10 sessions would do nothing.

goodness, that sounds like a total waste of time and money. Shouldn’t you or the therapist call a stop to it?

How charming. No. She has complex needs. If the psychologist can help her to work on her thought processes, the country will save money on medical hospital admissions, the level of social care she requires, psychiatric inpatient care etc., and the NHS will save more than it spends. If the psychologist thought it was a waste of time, she wouldn't offer weekly sessions. She's plenty busy enough without DD1.

Maybe I misunderstood, I thought you were saying she won’t retain what the psychologist is saying at all. If it’s working in some other way great.
If not the waiting lists for any help at all via CAMHS are just impossible. Never mind getting any kind of psychological help for adults with extreme needs (which is my experience for a family member)

agreed. My DD has anxiety and has really struggled with school, but today finishes 6th form with some amazing results already in the bag, and hopefully great A level results. Letting her not attend would have not helped her long term, only hindered.

Well done to her!