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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

It’s a wedding one…

111 replies

PartyOnPlatformOne · 03/05/2026 23:33

What is the etiquette for a UK wedding on who pays for what. The bride & groom or the guests:

  • Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits
  • Bridesmaids hair and makeup
  • Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)
OP posts:
Asunciondelaflata · 04/05/2026 19:53

Ally886 · 04/05/2026 19:51

Amazing how many people get married at venues that charge £350 per night and reserve rooms for the wedding party.

One wedding abroad too, funnily enough that's the one we had to pay for dresses/suits!

Show quote history

It's crazy when you think about how cheap rooms in these chain hotels can be. A fraction of that cost!
Weddings abroad are very expensive - did you have to pay for accommodation as well as flights?

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/05/2026 19:57

PartyOnPlatformOne · 03/05/2026 23:43

I have no idea what their budget is.

Ok so, sorry if a drip feed.

I am a bridesmaid. Expected to pay for my dress £90. I can’t get something cheaper, we all have to match and have the same. My makeup will be £70. Apparently the makeup artist is popular on instagram. Not sure how much hair will be.

I will need to pay for a hotel room, I am a single person so no one to share costs with. Looking up to £200 for the night before the wedding and the night of the wedding. I feel cheeky asking any of my family for lifts as I need to be there early morning for hair and makeup.

I can’t afford this 😪

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I had this @PartyOnPlatformOne.

Honestly say youncannot afford this and need to declined the "honour" of being Bridesmaid and go as a regular guest or just dont go.

If you go wear something you already own and share a room with 1 or 2 mates.at a travellodge

JustGiveMeReason · 04/05/2026 19:58

Therapyboop · 03/05/2026 23:37

Depends entirely on the budget for the wedding.

Edited to add that etiquette doesn't trump what someone can actually afford. So just because bridesmaids are expected to pay their own dress/hair/makeup, that doesn't mean the bride is unreasonable.

Edited

It really does mean the B&G are being unreasonable.

The B&G need to plan a wedding they can afford, not the one they would like to have but can only afford if they push the cost onto other people.

Asunciondelaflata · 04/05/2026 20:01

JustGiveMeReason · 04/05/2026 19:58

It really does mean the B&G are being unreasonable.

The B&G need to plan a wedding they can afford, not the one they would like to have but can only afford if they push the cost onto other people.

Show quote history

This ⬆️.

magiciansgirlonce · 04/05/2026 20:03

SalmonOnFinnCrisp · 04/05/2026 19:57

I had this @PartyOnPlatformOne.

Honestly say youncannot afford this and need to declined the "honour" of being Bridesmaid and go as a regular guest or just dont go.

If you go wear something you already own and share a room with 1 or 2 mates.at a travellodge

Show quote history

I'm the older generation band until now only being part of a small family, I had no idea a bridesmaid paid for everything was I have just read.. It's not an honour if you have to pay out like this.. Actually never heard of it..I agree. Go as a guest in something you already own..

magiciansgirlonce · 04/05/2026 20:04

Asunciondelaflata · 04/05/2026 20:01

This ⬆️.

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Totally. It's in my book, ridiculous.

Ally886 · 04/05/2026 20:53

Asunciondelaflata · 04/05/2026 19:53

It's crazy when you think about how cheap rooms in these chain hotels can be. A fraction of that cost!
Weddings abroad are very expensive - did you have to pay for accommodation as well as flights?

Show quote history

Yes. Again not a huge choice in a small remote town. Food was cheap though and the wedding itself was incredible. Far better than a UK wedding for a third of the cost for the bridge and groom.

tnorfotkcab · 04/05/2026 20:59

Opentoconvo · 03/05/2026 23:42

It isn’t normal practice tbh.

If you can’t afford the wedding basics, then don’t get married. Dresses and suits for bridesmaids and groomsmen are basic wedding costs. Otherwise don’t have any.

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There's no law... So what suits you best

godmum56 · 04/05/2026 21:02

Excited101 · 04/05/2026 09:10

The other 3 bridesmaids are ‘happy’ with it (obviously one can’t really complain because it’s what she did) and it feels insanely petty to pull out because of it. I’d rather suck up the cost so I can A. Avoid a huge fallout and B. support my friend on her big day.

I wouldn't consider the bride a friend or care about the fallout. No friend does that to another friend.

godmum56 · 04/05/2026 21:02

JustGiveMeReason · 04/05/2026 19:58

It really does mean the B&G are being unreasonable.

The B&G need to plan a wedding they can afford, not the one they would like to have but can only afford if they push the cost onto other people.

Show quote history

This

Abso · 04/05/2026 22:42

Bride and groom for the first two.

Accomodation is guests BUT only if there is choice in where they stay. We went to a wedding in the middle of nowhere, the hotel the wedding was at was the only place to stay unless we wanted to fork out £50 in a taxi. The bride and groom subsided the guests rooms and guests were invited to "pay what you can".

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