It’s a wedding one…

[PartyOnPlatformOne]

What is the etiquette for a UK wedding on who pays for what. The bride & groom or the guests:

• Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits
• Bridesmaids hair and makeup
• Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)

I let my bridesmaid choose her own dress- colour and style- and I paid for it.
Paid for her dress to be altered, paid for shoes, hair, make up, room the night before- pretty much everything I could.
If people want an Instagram style wedding then they need to pay for it.
Im very traditional so I don’t think that bridesmaids should ever have to pay for their own dresses, ergo groomsmen shouldn’t pay for suit hire.
Guests at a wedding shouldn’t be responsible for paying for the brides dream wedding. It’s tacky as fuck imho.
@PartyOnPlatformOne in your shoes I would decline the invite and say I can’t afford to be your bridesmaid so please give the honour to someone else.

This notion of bridesmaids paying for their own dress, hair and makeup is an import from American weddings where the wedding business is an unbelievable money-squandering endeavour. Couples spending just outrageous amounts of money, far beyond their means. Bridesmaids in the states also have the "honour" of being expected to pay for hugely expensive destination bachelorette parties, covering what is essentially a full Carribbean holiday for the bride. Plus paying for the bridal shower closer to home.
I think there are some UK brides looking at Reddit, US wedding websites and blogs etc and getting sucked into the notion that the most important consideration for their wedding is making it Instagram-worthy.
It's definitely not a tradition I'm keen to see established here.
I've had my makeup done by a professional makeup artist when I've been a bridesmaid, the bride paid. They plastered it on with a trowel, false eyelashes the lot. I couldn't stop giggling every time I made eye contact with my husband but told the bride how much I loved it of course (it was much more her usual look).

Yeah, I suppose it works both ways.

Unfortunately though, I think most would say yes not even considering having to pay for the outfit. I’d feel had and really put out!

When my friends got married, the hotel rooms were part of the package, but the couple actually then charged guests more to stay in them than the hotel usually did.

The responses on this thread about the bride and groom subsidising the rooms reminded me of this and made me laugh. My friends did the opposite!

I've never been to a wedding where my accommodation was paid for. I've always paid for it myself.

Bride and groom pay for BM's clothes, hair and make-up if they are dictating what they need to have.

My BMs were encouraged to wear clothes they already had (two of them did) and do their own hair and makeup (three of them did). One chose to use my hairdresser so she paid for her own hair. If there are no particular clothing, hair or makeup requirements I think it's reasonable for the bride and groom not to pay.

You need to tell the bride. If you’re close enough to her to be a bridesmaid, then you’re close enough to let her know you aren’t able to spend what she’s expecting you to.
I think it’s unreasonable for BM to pay for their own dress / hair / makeup unless it’s been discussed and fully agreed before hand (so, small wedding on a tiny budget and the BM’s are able to afford it with no issues plus have a say in the actual dress and it’s cost)

Rooms - I would expect to have to pay for this, but would see if there are any other single women whom I could share so split the cost with.

The cheek of asking you to be bridesmaid, then expecting you to pay. Of course the B&G should pay for your dress, and hair and makeup if they want you to use the ones they've chosen.
Accommodation I would probably pay for myself.

As the bride with agreement from the groom. I considered the financial circumstances of the individuals.
Accommodation was a set price for the property on the grounds. As the Bride and Groom we had to foot the bill for the house. We divided the costs per room. Some guests have executive level salaries. We added an additional £20 each to their rooms to help cover the cost for other guests. Those travelling at a distance of two hours or more were offered the accommodation first. The night before the wedding I stayed at a local hotel, We funded the accommodation cost for bridal party and my friend travelling from outside the UK.
Matron of Honour choose to fund her own dress, her and her husband paid for their accommodation. This was their choice (we offered to pay for the dress).
Bridesmaid (a) and flower girl (did) Bridesmaid (b) we funded the dresses, shoes, coats and some of the travel expenses.
My MUA, did kindly include Bridesmaid (a) as MIL did her own make-up. We would have happily funded the MUA to do Matron of Honour and Bridesmaids. Bridesmaid (b) did her own make-up.
Hair (was a little different for us) Bridesmaid (b) is my hairdresser and did my hair (yes she was paid her usual fee, we would never have accepted her not being paid). However, she did not charge for flower girl or Bridesmaid (a) who had a simple bun style.
Our view was if we request our Bridesmaids to wear particular dresses then we fund them. I was fortunate that the dresses we agreed as collective were from Coast and all ladies are happy with the choice and said they would wear them again. The flower girls dress is to be made into a bear for her to treasure. All costs were factored into the wedding planning and budget.

We paid for bridesmaids dresses, we chose the colour they chose the style they liked.
Groomsmen we just asked for a blue suit which they all had already except my brother who was adamant his grey suit was blue! It was one of my 2 bridezilla moments so we got him a cheap blue suit from Asda and added it to our wedding budget!
We paid for bridesmaids hair & makeup
Guests all paid for their own rooms.

Just seen your update, I would just be very honest with and say you just can’t afford to be a bridesmaid. For the record I feel she should have known that you wouldn’t be able to afford it! My cousin and her 2 daughters were my bridesmaids and I knew full well I couldn’t ask her to pay for their dresses and hair & makeup so we factored those costs into our budget as I wanted them by my side on the day!

Dresses and suits we paid. My bridesmaid and I got our hair done together, I paid. We both did our own make-up.
We didn't pay for anyone's accommodation and I don't know anyone who did. We have been married 24 years so this all may have changed.

sorry everyone, i literally butt-dialled the thread!

We paid for bridesmaids dresses and grooms men’s suits. Paid for hair. They did own makeup.

We paid for close family’s accommodation.

If they can’t afford to pay for the outfits then they either don’t have bridesmaids or they relax the dress code so you use a dress you already have.

Accommodation - there should be a variety of options for all budgets.

Then, if after this, you can’t afford it then you say you can’t go.

In this position I would be sending a text to say, 'Sorry Sarah, I'm afraid I can't afford to be your bridesmaid, I hadn't realised that I was expected to cover the costs'.

I wouldn't go, probably. If you can't afford £400 for the hotel rooms and for the cost of travel/drinks plus a wedding present I would gracefully decline. FWIW I couldn't afford to spend that amount on someone else's wedding, not matter how good a 'friend' they were.

Bride should NOT specify any particular outfit, hair stylist, or makeup artist if she’s not paying for it - that’s outrageous. Bridesmaids are doing you a favour, they shouldn’t be out of pocket for it. When my best friend got married she didn’t pay for bridesmaids, but let us choose our own dresses - subject to approval, which is fair, and we all did our own hair & makeup.

In this position I would be sending a text to say, 'Sorry Sarah, I'm afraid I can't afford to be your bridesmaid, I hadn't realised that I was expected to cover the costs'.

This.

You shouldn't be out of pocket for supporting someone else's wedding.

You can't afford it.
Don't go.
The bride is massively selfish. That's £360 before the hairdresser cost.
£70 for make-up? Ludicrous.

She shouldn't have given "approval". She wasn't paying. Cheek.

Bridesmaid and groomsmen outfits plus hair and make up should be covered by the bride and groom. Equally if you're expected to stay at the accommodation the night before the wedding then the bride and groom should cover that too. Accommodation for the night of the wedding I would expect to cover that myself as a guest. You should only have the amount of bridesmaids you can afford to clothe.

Dresses and hair/make up should be paid by the bride/groom.

I think it would be nice to pay for 1 night's accommodation for bridesmaids that need to be there early in the day to get ready, but I don't think it's unreasonable to expect guests to pay for themselves for the night after the wedding.

Then don't have bridesmaids and groomsmen if that's your view.

I had one year where weddings alone cost DH and I over £6k and that was with every bride and groom paying for our outfits if we were part of the wedding party!

I would have to decline explaining I simply couldn’t afford it

What did you spend the £6k on?

Amazing how many people get married at venues that charge £350 per night and reserve rooms for the wedding party.

One wedding abroad too, funnily enough that's the one we had to pay for dresses/suits!