It’s a wedding one…

[PartyOnPlatformOne]

What is the etiquette for a UK wedding on who pays for what. The bride & groom or the guests:

• Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits
• Bridesmaids hair and makeup
• Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)

i ended up paying more for my sisters wedding than she did herself (ie for her own wedding!) My dad paid all her bills, but I ended up paying for my own bridesmaids dress and make up and accommodation!

on other occasions where I was bridesmaid, in one the bride paid for the dress, on the other I did. It varies, but accommodation I always covered. I have shared rooms with other single women to reduce costs though.

• Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits

These absolutely should be paid for by the bride and groom, unless they are happy for their bridal party to wear dresses/suits they already own.

• Bridesmaids hair and makeup

If bride and groom want their bridesmaids to have hair and make up done professionally then they should pay for it. If they’re not fussed but bridesmaids want it, then bridesmaids should pay.

• Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)

Usually guests pay for their own accommodation and travel. However, if bride and groom are getting married far away or in the middle of nowhere, they should consider that guests may leave early and refrain from drinking alcohol so that they can drive home. It might be cheaper to pay for taxis or even a private bus to transport guests back to the nearest town/hotel at the end of the night rather than paying everyone’s accommodation costs.

They should be paying for your dress, the choice of whether to have hair and make up done should be yours - I always think it looks rubbish anyway as you know what suits you best. I would expect to pay for my own accommodation though.

“etiquette doesn’t trump what someone can actually afford”

Manners and consideration for others absolutely trump what someone can actually afford. It is not the job of bridesmaids, groomsmen or guests to subsidise someone else’s dream wedding… If you can’t afford matching dresses/suits or professional hair and make-up then you simply don’t have them!

When DD got married last year, her and her fiance paid for bridesmaids dresses, hair, make up and dress alterations. They paid for groomsmen suit hire and bought the ties. Everyone wore their own shoes, no rules, whatever you have is fine.

They did also pay for the hotel the night before for the wedding party, but not the night of, as some guests could go home and others could stay cheaper close by.

Some brides have mastered the art of spending other people's money. Tell her you can't afford it.

I think I’d just say to the bride that you can’t afford all this.

The b&g should be paying for your dress and hair and makeup imo, and probably your room as you really need the two nights if you’re bridesmaid

these bloody remote location weddings are a total pain in the arse!

You need to say no, this is unbelievably cheeky from the bride. If they can’t afford to cover bridesmaid costs, they should have less/no bridesmaids or economise elsewhere. I’m all for a budget wedding, if that’s what’s needed or wanted, but expecting a good friend (several good friends, actually!) to be ££££ out of pocket because of your demands is so wrong.

We paid for outfits, they did their own hair and makeup. Guests paid for their own hotels rooms.

if you are insisting people stay or wanting specific styles then I would pay.

Bride and Groom
Bride and Groom if expecting something fancy or specific
Guests

I absolutely disagree I’m afraid.

If the bride can’t afford the costs involved with having bridesmaids then she either shouldn’t have them at all (if she wants to dictate the dress / aesthetic) or she needs to have zero expectations that they PAY for the dress / hair / make up. If it’s on their own dime, the bridesmaids should be able to wear whatever they want as long as it’s appropriate thereby giving them the choice to either wear something they already own / can borrow or to buy a dress that suits them (style, budget, ability to be worn again); they also should be given the choice to do their own hair and make up if they wish - anything else is unreasonable in my opinion.

If the bridesmaids want to voluntarily take on any costs then that’s great but it shouldn’t be expected nor should the bride be dictating how they spend their money.

Or if you can't afford the suit decline the offer.

If you can’t afford to pay for the outfits and makeup have fewer bridesmaids and groomsmen.

id expect to pay for my own room ….but id be annoyed if there were no cheaper options near by.

if you are the b&g then totally it up for guests with family etc or single people and have a long hard think about whether you’d pay that to attend a wedding….

@PartyOnPlatformOne you are going to have to politely decline being a bridesmaid. That’s all ridiculous!

I would say:

Bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits: bride and groom - unless they tell people that they can wear whatever they like.

Bridesmaids’ hair: bride and groom.

Bridesmaids’ make up: bride and groom if they want everyone to look professionally made up.

Hotel rooms for guests: guests.

I agree with those who said that the bride and groom should match their wedding to their budget. If they can’t afford to pay for 6 bridesmaids’ dresses, they should just have 1 or 2 bridesmaids.

Did the bride tell you when she asked you to be a bridesmaid that you would have to pay for your dress, hair, and make-up? And give you a ballpark figure?

If I were you, I would have a quiet word and tell her that you were honored to be asked, but you can't afford it and you are respectfully withdrawing. You look forward to celebrating with her on the day as a guest...

Can you just go for the day, without staying at all?
Or just stay the night of the wedding?

Out of interest, how many bridesmaids is she having?

Could you do your own hair and makeup, why does it have to be a certain make up artist, no one is going to notice on the photos you did your own. Is she known for being a bridezilla.

You don't have to have bridesmaids and ushers so if you can't afford to pay for their outfits and hair etc then don't have them. It is so rude to expect someone to pay to have a role in your wedding.

We paid for all outfits, hair, makeup, shoes etc. We also paid for hotel rooms for bridesmaids, ushers and our parents the night before.

We got married where we live, which is where my husband is from, and is 60 miles from where I'm from. So we put on transport for my family and friends to bring them over and take them back home. Because again, I think its rude to expect people should be delighted to travel for your wedding.

What do you personally feel about the wedding - do you still want to go but maybe as a guest? Or dip out altogether due to costs, or try and make things work?

Have you checked all options, would a taxi be cheaper than the hotel, if booked in advance?

Bride and groom for all of those in my experience.

I’d be mortified if I was putting that kind of expense on a friend. If she’s a proper friend you’ll be able to talk to her and explain. If she’s not a
proper friend, why are you spending so much money? Don’t go.

It is up to you - we bought the bridesmaids dresses and groomsmen suits. The dresses were from Monsoon and suits from Next, so fairly cheap. Due to the time of year we also bought them shawls/wraps and umbrellas. We paid for the bridesmaids hair but no make up - I also did my own, and instead looked at it as a learning opportunity to buy quality make up.

We got married in my (northern) village church and had the reception a few miles away. The vast majority of our guests travelled and needed to stay overnight but we did not pay for accommodation. We signposted to local Premier Inn/Travel lodge etc and to local taxi companies. There were 10 rooms at the reception venue, where we prioritised the wedding party then friends who had arrived on trains/flown in from Europe so did not have cars they could leave at other hotels. I have never been to a wedding where the accommodation was paid for by the couple getting married, including when I have been maid of honour, or the reception was in remote "pricey" hotels.

We paid for everything; dress (and I let BM choose her own dress/colour because I wasn't fussed), makeup etc. We also paid for accommodation. If the bride wants you to stay at a specific hotel, she pays. Otherwise you find yourself a cheaper alternative if there is one.

Honestly? At >£500+ this is a ridiculous spend, and I'd back out.

I don't think there's any firm rule.

Our wedding -we paid for the dresses/suit hire and make up. Bridesmaids did their own hair. Didn't require accommodation but I don't think you need to cover this as a bride as long as plenty time to budget.

I've been a bridesmaid where I've bought my own dress but we all had different dresses and could pick (colour theme matched). Bride paid hair & make up.

Also been a bridesmaid and bride covered everything including weekend accommodation.

OP I think in this case your friend shouldn't have bridesmaids if they can't afford to cover some if the cost. Hard position.

Just tell your friend you can't afford it then and ask if you can just come as a guest.