It’s a wedding one…

[PartyOnPlatformOne]

What is the etiquette for a UK wedding on who pays for what. The bride & groom or the guests:

• Bridesmaid dresses and groomsmen suits
• Bridesmaids hair and makeup
• Hotel rooms for guests (if wedding venue is 2+ hours away for most, and in remote location)

I am a bridesmaid in a few weeks. The bride has bought my dress but asked if we want hair and make up done we pay for our own. She has 8 bridesmaids. She’s paid for our stay in the hotel the night before the wedding but if you want to stay night of then you pay. I’ve booked a cheaper room elsewhere. It’s a large wedding with over 200 guests and 2 ceremonies ( the groom is African)

I have been a bridesmaid 7 times.
Never paid for dress or hair and makeup.
Always paid for accommodation.

Normally didn't stay for 2 nights in the hotel just came along on the day

I'm old - so my opinion may not be that relevant.

If you expect people to wear what you want them to wear/look how you want them to look, you pay for it.

Weddings are not just about the bride and groom, they are also about the family and friends who are to be invited as well, so you don't deliberately choose somewhere that you know a lot of them won't be able to afford, or you give them the option to stay somewhere less expensive. (Yes, darling stepdaughter.... looking at you. Your choice to have your wedding in Mauritius meant that none of your family could attend)

When I was first married you cut your coat according to your cloth... meaning that if you couldn't afford to buy bridesmaids dresses etc. for 6 adult bridesmaids you didn't have 6 adult bridesmaids! And it certainly wasn't necessary to insist on bridesmaids attending a hotel early to have hair and make-up done professionally.

We were poor. I had one child bridesmaid.

If I was asked to be a bridesmaid and expected to pay for a dress, hair, make-up and accommodation chosen by the bride, and which I knew I would find very difficult to afford, I would have to decline.

I paid for my bridesmaids dresses but asked if they wanted their hair or make up done that they paid for it. I didn’t mind if they had it done or not! I think it was about 50/50 in the end, some paid for make up but not hair, some paid for hair but not make up etc. I think I paid for the hotel too but I can’t remember!

My dd has been a bridesmaid numerous times and never bought her own dress. As far as hair and make up goes, the bride pays if she’s insisting you get it done by the professional.

Hotels, there’s not much you can do about that cost. Could your family give you a lift if you weren’t having your hair done at the venue?

If so, I’d have a quiet word with the bride about the costs and either do your own hair/make up so you don’t have to be there so early, or ask if you can be last in the queue so you can get a lift? The hair and make up by the professional shouldn’t be obligatory, especially if you’re expected to pay.

Re accommodation- have you checked air bnb? We are going to a wedding away from home in the summer and the local hotels are all expensive. We booked a room on air bnb (just an en suite in someone’s house, a nice middle aged lady with good reviews 😂) and it’s £55.

I was a bridesmaid, I was told to just wear whatever dress I wanted that was black, no worries. Then she decided she wanted to pick them, £200 each (20 years ago) and that we were paying..annoying.
Then I find out they had paid for all the groomsmen suits...really fucking annoying, shit like this made me get married abroad without any of the wedding politics! Good luck.

When I wrote that, I didn't realise OP was being told she had to have the £70 dress etc....
The bride is being unreasonable in OPs scenario.

I have to pay for my own bridesmaid dress for a wedding next month. The brand, colour and length is fixed but we can choose the style we want- I’m pretty unhappy about it. One of the other bridesmaids had our bride as one of her bridesmaids last year and did the same thing but the other times I’ve been bridesmaid, the cost has been covered so it’s not the norm.

Of course you shouldn’t pay for the make up because she wants some insta person. Just say no and you can’t afford it. Time to be assertive OP or use your words (hate that phrase!)

I absolutely wouldn't pay hundreds of pounds to be one of 8-10 bridesmaids (with a similar number of groomsmen) in an American-style wedding photo.

Just tell the bride this.

Standard etiquette is that the bride pays for your dress and makeup. If the bridal party are also required to be staying in a particular venue then imo she should also pay for that as you don't have the option to choose somewhere cheaper.

Conversely the hens should pay for the hen party and often it is bridesmaids who wind up covering costs of extras.

Dressed and suits - the bride and groom
Hair and makeup - depends if the b&g are happy for bridesmaids to do their own. If not they should pay. If a choice then it’s fine to offer as an option.
hotel room - I’d say the guest.

B&G
B&G
guests.

I think either the B&G should pay for the dress/hair etc if they want a certain look. Or they should let you wear what you want and do own make up if they expect you to pay.

mad to prescribe certain a things and not offer to pay. I think that’s really selfish

I think you just have to tell them OP. Don’t get into debt over some insta make up. A wedding should be about love - not a fashion parade.

Its 2026! Not everyone wants bridesmaids and ushers in the same cheesy dresses and suits.
And “bridal” hair and makeup absolutely can be ditched. What if the bride doesn’t wear make up. Most women can do their own hair surely and each others.

It’s perfectly acceptable to say, thanks for asking me to be bridesmaid but I can’t afford that. I’m happy to just be a guest. Then the ball is in their court.

Ideally bride should pay for bridesmaids dresses, also hair and makeup if she wants bridesmaids to have hair/makeup done to match.

I don’t think bride and groom should have to cover accommodation costs. If it’s too expensive for guests then they can just decline or stay at a cheaper hotel further away.

OP, if you don’t want to pay then tell the bride and groom. It’s crazy to be struggling to pay but not to say anything. If she is a good enough friend to be a bridesmaid for then she is a good enough friend to be able to talk to. Just drop out.

ah....no that's not on. Baseline so far as the wedding party is concerned, who calls the tune pays the piper. If it was me I would decline the "honour"

If you aren't happy then why do it?

pretty much this for me too. The best man wore his own suit. My only bridesmaid was a family child. The church and the reception venue were local to me and nobody needed a hotel.

The other 3 bridesmaids are ‘happy’ with it (obviously one can’t really complain because it’s what she did) and it feels insanely petty to pull out because of it. I’d rather suck up the cost so I can A. Avoid a huge fallout and B. support my friend on her big day.

The only time I have seen bridesmaids / groomsmen expected to pay for themselves is when they haven’t been given anything specific to wear. So just asked to wear a dress of x colour.

If they’re asking someone to wear a specific thing they should be paying.

I’ve never been to a wedding where the accommodation was paid for and I’ve been to some weddings by some very rich people. That being said I paid for my MOH room because she was the only single person at my wedding and it was expensive. I had a tiny wedding so also was the only person getting my hair and makeup done because I couldn’t be arsed with all of the getting ready faff, but I paid for her to get her hair done too as she mentioned she’d like it done.

If I expected her to get both her hair and makeup done I would be paying.

The bride and often parents should pay for your outfit. And hair and makeup.

And personally I think your accommodation too. You are a bridesmaid. So one of the bridal party.
It should not cost you a penny.

Then you cut your cloth to fit your budget.

If you expect people to wear what you decide and have the make up you decide then you pay for it and cut down on bridal party to fit your budget.