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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think there will be many more disabled adults in 20 years?

655 replies

Walkyrie · 03/05/2026 22:04

I’m disabled myself, just to put that out there.

It just seems like the number of people with a disability, usually a psychiatric one, is going through the roof.

40% of disability benefit claimants are claiming for mental health related reasons. The number of anxious children and teens on here, and that I know in my own life and family, is really really high. So many schools refusers and kids in need of extra support, special school placements and so on. It seems there are a lot of unemployed young adults living at home who simply don’t have the mental acuity to get a job, live independently, have a life of their own.

3 children in my family are currently school refusing, one we only found out about today but it was not a surprise as she’s always been very anxious and has selective mutism.

My AIBU is, should we be doing something to prepare for what may be a very high number of adults not working in years to come? How will we sustain them all?

OP posts:
Thread gallery
9
Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:26

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:18

Firstly if that happens I'll eat my hat.

Secondly I can't help but feel older people, and I'm talking older than me (I'm 43) who parented harshly want validation, want those parenting kindly to ultimately be harming their children.

Because I know if I'd parented harshly, if I'd parented like my parents and their parents, I'd carry enormous guilt but if I was emotionally unable to deal with that guilt I'd be looking externally for validation of my methods.

And if that's you, which si how it sounds, or alternatively you're potentially a grouchy non parent who doesn't want to be bothered by people entertaining their kids having feelings then I guess we just see how it pans out

Was that a response to me? Because if so it made zero sense.

Secondly even if it was, people parented ‘harshly’ as you put it seem to have fewer mental health issues and are more likely to be in work than those raised more recently. So your argument fails.

OP posts:
SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:26

LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:18

We don't manage it. Not properly. My wife can hardly walk at night when she gets home, and she's still in mourning, to an extent, due to her mum's death last June. We're in turmoil if I'm being perfectly honest with you. I'm 60 in two months, and I've been looking for a job I can do at night or weekends to help make ends meet, but I need to be there for my wife as well. I don't know what to do. Everything's a mess.

Im genuinely sorry to hear that. You should apply for adult disability payment if you can. The first step would to be to go to your GP and get a fit note - you don't need to leave work or be unemployed to apply for it . You would be applying for the daily living component if you have MH issues

I went through the process two years ago. It wasn't horrible. It can help people with certain conditions stay in work. You can apply online. You could also see if you would be entitled to a UC top up if your wife had to drop hours because of her health. If she's really not coping - citizens advice might help you or there are websites where you find out what your benefit entitlement would be if she had to work part time because her health is suffering.

GininMcGlass · 04/05/2026 12:27

Glowingup · 03/05/2026 23:12

No but it didn’t have an impact on the number of people born disabled did it? We’re talking about people born disabled, not people who lose a limb in a workplace accident aren’t we?

Every pregnant woman should have a risk assessment at their workplace so that they can avoid any duties that might affect the foetus. For example working with chemicals or radiation, heavy lifting or working long hours without scheduled breaks.

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:28

Allisnotlost1 · 04/05/2026 12:11

I don’t know how old you are but phones and other devices weren’t around when I was a teenager so I had to leave my room to do all the things listed. But now, teenagers can do them at home.

So what’s your point? You want them to things that aren’t boring? You want them to leave the house? What evidence is there that doing that would result in fewer disabled adults (your starting point)?

You seem to be trying to aggressively chase me down 1 narrow school of thought so you can go ‘SEE’ and then declare my entire thread invalid. You clearly have some kind of sore point regarding kids in burnout at home on tablets. I think we can all agree this is no life for a human being, and more to the point if they’re expecting financial support how the heck will we manage it with so many

OP posts:
chaosmaker · 04/05/2026 12:30

Charlize43 · 04/05/2026 00:15

There is a dehumanising zeitgeist aimed at anyone who is "costing too much money".

But where does the money come from? If everyone stops working because of MH issues, they'll be no tax, eventually the pot of hand outs will run out because no one is putting anything in.

This is what mystifies me about Universal Basic Income - No one works and everyone is handed enough money to live off and poverty is eradicated. But where is the government going to get the money from? Where does the money come from? I'm not getting it.

There is no money though. Money is just the poor relation of bartering. My care work should be worth far more than some middle management person's is. My skill is real where middle management is not. I am definitely worth more than those paid 100's of thousands at the highest levels that grift from top job to top job.
Money is basically figures on a monitor somewhere and when the machines fight back we'll all be digitally erased anyway.... to begin with.

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:30

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:26

Was that a response to me? Because if so it made zero sense.

Secondly even if it was, people parented ‘harshly’ as you put it seem to have fewer mental health issues and are more likely to be in work than those raised more recently. So your argument fails.

You are clinically entirely wrong.

A huge risk factor for mental illness and disease is ACEs or adverse childhood experiences. A child needs a LOT of protective factors to survive a harsh childhood unscathed.

Clinically children raised with supportive parents, parents who listen and support through childhood mental health difficulties are significantly less likely to have mental health difficulties in adulthood.

Your anecdotal evidence is nonsense and the opposite of what is seen clinically.

MistressoftheDarkSide · 04/05/2026 12:30

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 11:57

I think if Nazi Germany is the aim, they’re not doing a good job with it - disability benefits are very very very high (this isn’t a value judgement this is factual), the NHS remains free at point of use, no abortions are forced but are offered and so on. None of this points to Nazi Germany to me.

The drip drip drip of propaganda is speeding up. Tried and tested methods. Pick a group of people and slyly imply that it is because of "them" that your life isn't what you want. The broadest group is "the poor" who neatly sweep up swathes of different demographics in one nice shiny package, because until recently, discrimination due to sex, age, race or disability had been rightly taken off the table, as personal responsibility for accident of birth is difficult to master without considerable resources.

Now we are being encouraged to adopt an immature mentality beloved of our school days - punishing the many for the alleged actions of the few, with extra tools to manufacture statistical bogey men. We are encouraged to fight among ourselves at the bottom of the heap, while those at the top hoard wealth and literally reach for the stars. We become our own solution to the problems created by a capitalist system that rewards psychopathy, the obscenely wealthy just have to sit and wait, unaffected by it as their wealth buys them the privilege of isolation.

We begrudge the non working disabled on subsistence benefits having Netflix through careful budgetting, yet shrug off nepo babies swanning from Coachella to Burning Man on money that creates itself through "the markets".

The creep towards a Nazi mindset is happening. In my town we have a literal vigilante group, all nicely marketed, to fill the imagined gap left by inadequate policing. Their main interest is a handful of "immigrant hotels". They are promoting a surveillance app to assist their efforts. Our police and council are not happy. There are plenty of people applauding them and egging them on.

The "eye watering" benefits bill isn't the fault of recipients, it reflects the ever rising cost of living. It exists partly to keep the majority just comfortable enough to hang onto hope and hold off bloody revolution, which was part of the reason for the creation of the welfare state in the first place after the world wars. Its founders may well have had some empathy for disenfranchised soldiers returning home, but the lessons of the Russian Revolution were also in play.

In this thread quite a few solutions to economic problems have broadly been eugenics adjacent.

Trouble is, at some point those in favour may well fall into a goal post shift themselves, by bad luck alone, or simply by aging. Do we really think a society where euthanasia at the first hint of long term defect is going to be safe, secure and generate Utopia for all, or will we just revert to open master / slave dynamics, where the poor have no option other to serve the rich with little hope of improvement - or die.

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:31

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:26

Was that a response to me? Because if so it made zero sense.

Secondly even if it was, people parented ‘harshly’ as you put it seem to have fewer mental health issues and are more likely to be in work than those raised more recently. So your argument fails.

So now you are suggesting that people with mental health issues have them because they weren't parented harshly enough? I'm sorry but this just seems to be yet another thread of we can't afford the benefit bill and as usual it's people with mental health issues in the firing line.

Pip accounts for 6 - 7 per cent of government spending

Newstartplease24 · 04/05/2026 12:31

Someone said something about being forced into work making coffees and fetching and carrying, despite poor mental health and being very disinclined to, and ultimately qualifying as an accountant. This route into work - start at the bottom, no qualifications, benefit from routine and people relying on you to improve health and resilience, increase the demands on yourself as and when you feel ready - has disappeared. I have benefited a lot, despite a lot of qualifications, at times in my life, from friendly and not too demanding office work. Yes it paid the bills but it also pulled me out of a funk more than once. It’s a huge problem that you can’t get jobs like that any more.

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:32

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:26

Was that a response to me? Because if so it made zero sense.

Secondly even if it was, people parented ‘harshly’ as you put it seem to have fewer mental health issues and are more likely to be in work than those raised more recently. So your argument fails.

How old are you? Are you a parent of adult children? How did they turn out?

Are you NOT a parent? Just someone who was parented harshly themselves so can't see why children nowadays deserve respect and care?

Where does your viewpoint come from? Given how statistically incorrect it is

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:33

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:31

So now you are suggesting that people with mental health issues have them because they weren't parented harshly enough? I'm sorry but this just seems to be yet another thread of we can't afford the benefit bill and as usual it's people with mental health issues in the firing line.

Pip accounts for 6 - 7 per cent of government spending

That’s massive!!! Just think of everything else we need to spend money on, PIP should be under 3% in my opinion. Of course we can’t afford it, if we had loads of cash sloshing about I would never have needed to ask the OP question

OP posts:
LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:33

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:26

Im genuinely sorry to hear that. You should apply for adult disability payment if you can. The first step would to be to go to your GP and get a fit note - you don't need to leave work or be unemployed to apply for it . You would be applying for the daily living component if you have MH issues

I went through the process two years ago. It wasn't horrible. It can help people with certain conditions stay in work. You can apply online. You could also see if you would be entitled to a UC top up if your wife had to drop hours because of her health. If she's really not coping - citizens advice might help you or there are websites where you find out what your benefit entitlement would be if she had to work part time because her health is suffering.

I can't get PIP because I don't have anything diagnosed. I'm in quite considerable pain from what I think might be arthritis, and I went to the doctor to get blood taken, and maybe get a referal, but I've heard nothing back since February.

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:34

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:32

How old are you? Are you a parent of adult children? How did they turn out?

Are you NOT a parent? Just someone who was parented harshly themselves so can't see why children nowadays deserve respect and care?

Where does your viewpoint come from? Given how statistically incorrect it is

As you seem insistent on finding a weak spot to make this all about me, I was parented extremely harshly (social services involved, violence), I am fully NC with my parents, I have a good job and have never been out of work but do struggle with MH. Work is a saviour in many ways. My kids are treated far better than I ever was, and have a much better relationship with me

OP posts:
SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:36

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:33

That’s massive!!! Just think of everything else we need to spend money on, PIP should be under 3% in my opinion. Of course we can’t afford it, if we had loads of cash sloshing about I would never have needed to ask the OP question

No it's not. It really isn't. I get just over 70 pounds a week for the mental health component of my adp by the way

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:39

LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:33

I can't get PIP because I don't have anything diagnosed. I'm in quite considerable pain from what I think might be arthritis, and I went to the doctor to get blood taken, and maybe get a referal, but I've heard nothing back since February.

If you suffer from mh issues (anxiety) which I'm sure you said you do earlier in the thread - go to your GP and get a diagnosis. You could apply for the daily living component - even if you are in work

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:41

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:34

As you seem insistent on finding a weak spot to make this all about me, I was parented extremely harshly (social services involved, violence), I am fully NC with my parents, I have a good job and have never been out of work but do struggle with MH. Work is a saviour in many ways. My kids are treated far better than I ever was, and have a much better relationship with me

So you were parented harshly and your MH suffered

Your children were parented less harshly and their mental health is better

The children in your family going through school refusal who are receiving support are therefore being treated and parented less harshly again, their boundaries and needs are being respected. The likelihood of them being unable to work as adults due to mental health issues or long term psychiatric conditions is therefore also reduced.

So the school refusing children in your family, the children receiving support and allowed to have boundaries. Teh children of today, are LESS likely to become disabled adults.

Which completely refutes your original point. I think you probably would benefit from therapy to unpack all of your childhood trauma properly and help you recover because your fear for the future nationwide disability has no reflection even on the reality you've seen in your own family. It's a continuation of the childhood trauma you suffered.

LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:45

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:39

If you suffer from mh issues (anxiety) which I'm sure you said you do earlier in the thread - go to your GP and get a diagnosis. You could apply for the daily living component - even if you are in work

Oh, that. I've never thought of applying for anything to do with mental health. I guess I'm from a generation or family that thinks that anxiety or worry is something you work through and just get on with. It just doesn't feel right to me somehow.

Velumental · 04/05/2026 12:46

LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:45

Oh, that. I've never thought of applying for anything to do with mental health. I guess I'm from a generation or family that thinks that anxiety or worry is something you work through and just get on with. It just doesn't feel right to me somehow.

Ok
See how harmful that has been to your wellbeing?
Attend your GP for help, your health is your responsibility

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:47

LoyalMember · 04/05/2026 12:45

Oh, that. I've never thought of applying for anything to do with mental health. I guess I'm from a generation or family that thinks that anxiety or worry is something you work through and just get on with. It just doesn't feel right to me somehow.

Maybe you are and that's fine. I'm in my late 50s and I get adp for mental health - because I was stalked and I ended up pretty much at crisis point. I couldn't have worked through it. There's no shame in trying to claim if you have MH issues -and that also goes for your wife if she's struggling with her MH just now

TigerRag · 04/05/2026 12:48

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:26

Im genuinely sorry to hear that. You should apply for adult disability payment if you can. The first step would to be to go to your GP and get a fit note - you don't need to leave work or be unemployed to apply for it . You would be applying for the daily living component if you have MH issues

I went through the process two years ago. It wasn't horrible. It can help people with certain conditions stay in work. You can apply online. You could also see if you would be entitled to a UC top up if your wife had to drop hours because of her health. If she's really not coping - citizens advice might help you or there are websites where you find out what your benefit entitlement would be if she had to work part time because her health is suffering.

You can't use a fit note as evidence for adult disability payment

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:48

TigerRag · 04/05/2026 12:48

You can't use a fit note as evidence for adult disability payment

I was asked to send mine and any other evidence I had

TigerRag · 04/05/2026 12:50

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:48

I was asked to send mine and any other evidence I had

They want evidence of needs. A fit note just recommends what restrictions you have in relation to work which isn't relevant to ADP or pip

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:50

Walkyrie · 04/05/2026 12:34

As you seem insistent on finding a weak spot to make this all about me, I was parented extremely harshly (social services involved, violence), I am fully NC with my parents, I have a good job and have never been out of work but do struggle with MH. Work is a saviour in many ways. My kids are treated far better than I ever was, and have a much better relationship with me

That's completely fine. But work isn't a saviour for a lot of people. I got to a point where I literally could not work. I worked until I couldn't work anymore. Im sorry you went through those experiences

SpryTaupeTurtle · 04/05/2026 12:54

TigerRag · 04/05/2026 12:50

They want evidence of needs. A fit note just recommends what restrictions you have in relation to work which isn't relevant to ADP or pip

I'm on adp. I was asked to send fit notes to them along with other evidence of my health issues because it gave details of my condition and limitations on work that I was capable of doing

Everlore · 04/05/2026 12:56

Badbadbunny · 04/05/2026 11:48

But death in childbirth was higher, as was infant mortality. Quite frankly, disabled children were less likely to survive, so, no, we didn't see large numbers of disabled because they didn't make it to adulthood etc. Modern medicine has made a lot of previously untreatable illnesses treatable.

My grandmother also always maintained that midwives would often "make the decision" themselves if they were delivering a seriously disabled child, and would "help" it on it's way and then say it was still born!

Wow, I am very glad that no over-zealous midwife was present at my birth to 'help me on my way', by which, of course, you mean murder a newborn.
I was born severely disabled, with no eyes and multiple joint deformities. I have, however, enjoyed a rich and rewarding life. Did very well at school, achieved a first class degree from a top university, have a fulfilling career I enjoy and, most importantly, am very happily married with a perfect baby of my own. None of this would have been possible without my wonderful parents, especially my dad, who did absolutely everything they could to ensure I had a happy and enriching childhood and as many life opportunities as possible.
I am very grateful that a midwife didn't take one look at me when I was born and decide my life would never be worth living and it would therefore be the kindest thing to 'put me out of my misery'.
I would be horrified to live in a country where babies were routinely killed at birth because someone had made an instant decision that their life had no value and that they would never amount to anything due to their disability, I am dismayed that you seem to be looking back on a time when such things may have happened with misty-eyed nostalgia.