To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

If she’ll eat ham just give her ham. Go with whatever she will eat rather than what you think she should eat, is my advice

Let her graze, put out a tray with little bite sized bits of the food she does like, tell her it is there for when she wants it. Don't let her have free access to drinks as sometimes they drink so much they fill their tummy. Give her a small drink ever hour.

You have to pick your battles in a timely way though.

if she’ll only eat ham then stopping her doing so is counter productive.

It’s highly unlikely your child is restricting herself through sheer choice. This is food issues (arfid or otherwise) so shouldn’t be treated as a simple behavioural issue.

I worry about the UPF thing with ham. And if she fills up on ham she’ll just demand it all the time and I could do without her diet being more restricted.

I do know what she’s like so while I am sure the advice is well meant I do need to focus on her health.

But a diet of ham and crisps is better than a diet of nothing at all.

Firstly what’s wrong with ham?

Secondly, get her to eat more fat containing foods like eggs as they are more calorie dense. Eggs are about the best food you can eat, they contain everything a human needs except for vitamin c. So you can live on eggs and berries alone and be very healthy.

Can you list what your child will eat?
Have you kept a food diary? she may be eating more than you think. Include how much milk you give and any other drinks. Have you monitored their weight?
Do you eat as a family? Be the detective and then ask for help via your doctor.
Don’t give up.
I have a friend’s child who simply never liked eggs, now as an adult they still can’t eat them. Another friend’s child just can not eat bananas, despite other siblings liking them, same now that they are adults.
My daughter was very fussy as a young child, and ate small portions of food. Now 18 and I have just made a new salad from green lentils and various bits - ‘ I’ll give it a go mum’ was her comment. 5 years ago I would NEVER of had that response.
Good luck

Agree, if she will eat ham, give her ham.

I would work on the regular eating first and not worry about what she's eating for breakfast and lunch. Then when she is eating think about adding bits to balance it.

Have you tried talking to her about food and energy. In a positive way about how food gives us energy to play, so mummy is going to eat x (something small and easy to eat) to give her the energy to take child to the park. Then give her some to give her the energy to play.

How does she get on at nursery? They don’t comment that she’s weak? Lethargic?

The UPF of ham is considerably healthier than just offering her nothing and leaving her hungry.

Why don't you get her involved in making things. Ger her a kids knife and get her cutting up strawberries/banana/mushrooms etc. Make some breakfast muffins or something together. Get her mixing eggs and make an omelette etc. Make it exciting to try what she's made. Take her to the supermarket and let her pick a few things. I have a super fussy 4yo and doing things like this has always helped.

Does your child only eat certain foods and is scared to have anything else? Keep trying to offer different foods but if this continues it might be worth a trip to gp to rule out arfrid. If she's losing weight I'd be concerned. You are wrong to say you can't force, obviously not physically force but my dd had an Ed she was older 11 but we had to sit there until she did eat, it could take hours, lots of crying and tantrums but there isn't really any other choice otherwise they will starve and you can't allow that to happen. Arfrid is similar really but not well understood, the treatment is the same, you need to make them eat. It's really really hard. Hopefully this is not the case as your child is young. Please don't hesitate to get advice if you need it as It is very stressful when your child can't eat. Some people can just think your child's being fussy but you know your child and if you are worried or things are getting worse then seek help.

well...how do we know. One person I knew was breastfeeding a large girl at the age of 3 and said her child eats nothing. So after the breast milk, she pulled a pack of crisps and an ice cream and gave it to her. Well, I said: this is already a lot for a small child....and the child was fat on top of this. Some women!

I've been pretty sympathetic to your situation, as I said, one of my DCs was similar, but I think you're making a rod for your own back here. Either you're worried because she's not eating anything or you're not that worried. If it's the first, just give her the ham for now. She's 3. It's very likely a phase that she'll move on from soon. You don't want to draw this line in the sand because it will be the start of a much bigger battle for control over her food.

However, you clearly are only looking for people to agree that it’s ok to only offer you 3 year old food in the evening rather than any interest in people who’ve been through similar

good luck

@turkishdeelitee are there any concerns around autism at all? I ask because my dd is almost 13, currently undergoing assessment and was the same as yours as a toddler. We have been told it can be an early sign. Especially with the restrictions she is placing in herself.

What is your routine around breakfast and has something changed recently?

Ham is highly processed and there are issues with the preservatives use. Unless you are buying high quality ham on the bone.

Are you the Op that has had some issues with your child’s nursery in the past?

I have a bit of a fussy eater too, I find it's textures for him. Does she struggle with chewing or seem to not like to chew? Easy to swallow or soft to chew helps, so for breakfast for example my son has weetabix but it has to be heated in microwave so it's like a porridge texture with a bit of honey. Or ready brek, or he'll eat toast with peanut butter on and loves pancakes, I make tiny ones and he dips in yoghurt.

Lunch he will eat spaghetti hoops and scrambled or poached egg, again things that will just slide down his fussy gullet!

For dinner I really have to hide his nutrients so I make a mild curry and blend it and make flat bread which I toast and chop into fingers so he can dip in his daal textured curry, or lentil and veg sauce blended mixed into macaroni pasta.

Its a pain and I'm alway having to be creative to get nutrients in him but we've found those solid things he will definitely accept, and still try and offer fresh fruit and veg but he won't touch them, I have to hide fruit by making it a coulis or stewing it and putting with yoghurt. A pain the bum and I wasn't fussy so wasn't expecting it!

Ah. Stop stressing about UPFs and just offer anything, maybe mini pizzas, fishfingers, ham, sausages,: it’s much better that she eats regularly than worrying about other things just now

But it's still better than a 3 year going almost 24 hours on just milk.

My son is 4 and has never really loved sitting for a proper meal (will occasionally as he has gotten older), I make him a "snacky plate" that can just sit out so usually sliced cucumbers, strawberries, raspberries, crackers, yogurt tube, cheese etc that he can pick at between playing

As the parent of a child who has severe ARFID my advice would be to-

• don’t comment at all on what she does or doesn’t eat. Keep conversations on anything but food.

• focus on calories in, don’t worry too much about what it is as long as she is eating

• make sure she has access to “safe” foods throughout the day.

• try to find a multivitamin she will take

I would also talk to your HV or GP and get her properly weighed just so that is being monitored

Give her a tablespoon of whatever you're having on her plate and see if she eats it. Toddlers can get overwhelmed by portion size and refuse to eat.

Have you actually, seriously read the thread at all?

@Ihatelittlefriendsusan i think she’s probably a combination of picky eater and ‘normal’ two year old (contrary!) but I will keep an eye.

@user44455557621 it isn’t quite that straightforward. I am worried both about the quantity of food but also the type of food. Like I say I’m sure she’d eat a packet of crisps for breakfast and a packet of ham for lunch but we’re not there yet!

@TapestryNeedle but at the risk of another three pages of ‘how ruuuude’ that’s erm, nothing to do with me!

@Hereforthecommentz I’ve never got the impression she’s scared but it is hard to say. On Thursday she refused everything I offered until dinner time. Friday ate fine; yesterday wasn’t the best but I’ve known worse. Today looks like another refusal. I should chill I know, it’s just a worry when you’re trying to cook healthy meals and set them up for the best life and they refuse to eat it!

@sunflowersandsunsets i don’t agree I’m afraid but we can agree to disagree 👍🏻