To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

I don’t get cross. I possibly have occasionally let worry take over and tried to persuade / encourage but mostly I am hands off apart from ‘the broccoli looks nice’ or ‘would you like some chicken or potatoes next’ (no cheeekin! No taytoooos!’)

One of my DCs was like this. I would treat it as a phase and not stress. I would lean into just having some things she likes out and easily available and having very little discussion over it. Keep letting her have some milk after dinner - it's calories, protein and fat, which she'll need, and, for the moment, I'd look the other way on the ham. I have to say, my DC who was like this never wanted breakfast and still doesn't (and neither do I), so it could just be her.

Have you tried making mini muffins? You can use whole grain flour and fruit and apple puree and very little sugar, which isn't the worst thing. I remember my paediatrician (we were in NY) telling me that getting calories in was the most important concern at that age.

What I would do is put three things, including at least one of her favourite foods, at breakfast and lunch time. Just put the food on the highchair tray in front of her and ignore her for 10 minutes while I potter about in the kitchen. No pressure. No encouragement. After 10 minutes, I’d take it away and go about the day cheerily. Removes all pressure and expectation but maintains the normal routine of the option to eat three times daily.

You need to keep offering her. Whilst the food waste is annoying she needs to have the opportunity to eat on the days that she’s hungry.

If she’ll drink milk and eat ham I wouldn’t stop them either.

At 3 she doesn’t have the language or understanding to explain that some days she’s hungry and some days she’s not. Or that some days the strawberries look good and other days they look too slimey/dry.

One of my DDs has serious food issues because of a health condition. At 1 she’d chuck the plate if it wasn’t right. At 3 she’d say no. At 4/5 she’d say no but ask for something else. At 8/9 she’d be able to explain that she wasn’t hungry because her mouth was dry or the berries looked too slimey or she only had one as the texture wasn’t right.

This is bad advice. It is very worrying. What does your dd eat to ensure she has enough calories and not losing weight. Going all night up til pm the next day with zero food is really bad. My dd had anorexia it started by skipping lunch. It sets things off in the brain once they start skipping things. Your body needs to fuel regularly. My child said she wasn't hungry you need to reset by making them eat 3 meals and 3 snacks a day regardless spread out in the day resets hunger cues. If my 13 year old wasn't eating anything until late in the day I'd be very, very concerned.

I have a son who was a bit like this and was what doctors would call a happy starver. I carried what I called his “gateway foods” everywhere - things that he liked so much that he would start eating, discover that he was actually hungry once he’d eaten the favourite thing and probably eat something else on his plate after that. It’s very tricky when they don’t have strong hunger cues. My son does eat well at school as everyone else is eating and there isn’t an alternative activity, but breakfast is still a struggle and I have to work hard not to get sucked into battles (I used to go everywhere early as he would have a sandwich in the car on arrival - being strapped in doing something quite boring I think gave him time to pause and realise he might be hungry). Solidarity. I hope it gets better for you, but it has for me!

YABU

There is a big difference between not giving your child breakfast and lunch and preparing breakfast and lunch but your child not eating it. My friend got in trouble at school for not providing her dd with a packed lunch because "she never eats lunch".

Just offer it - you've offered breakfast and you've offered lunch - you've done your job as a good and responsible parent. If she declines there isn't much you can do except encourage and cajole.

I had a tot that could eat enough at one sitting to last several days. We were going to Macdonald’s with the rest of his toddler group once a week. He’d eat enough there to last him until we went for Chicken rice mid week. We had to stop the meals out for him to get hungry enough to eat at home.

Try sitting her with you, maybe on your lap, every time you eat. Let her pick pieces off your plate. Obviously taste things yourself and comment how nice they are!
I’d do little picky plates for mine, things like a few peas, a couple of chopped grapes, tiny cheese squares, a strip of chicken.

I’d make a flat omelette out of an egg, and use it as the ‘bread’ in a sandwich. Roll it up with fillings inside.

I would do the little bowls idea, then if it’s not touched it’s not wasted
cut up fruit, a boiled egg, some ham or cheese cubes in separate bowls and just leave them out on a table “food there if you want something later”

smoothies? It sounds weird but oats, warm milk, banana, honey blended is really nice

I also gave my son milk with every meal - it was important to me that he did get protein even if he didn’t eat the protein on the plate. My view is that overall nutrition trumps perfect meal until they are old enough to explain the concept of food waste, manners, trying things and reasoning things out

I offer offer offer and reinforce you need weetbix /veggies to grow big and strong! After months of only eating the sultanas out of her milk and weetbix as breakfast she’s started to eat the weetbix. For ages it was just a little but this week she ate most of the bowl once. She comes to me and sticks out her arms to show how big and strong she’s gotten when she’s had some. I will caveat she does have big sporty brothers so that makes big and strong very much a goal but we also bring it up at the park and outside running around.

Also consider letting her serve herself where possible.

it wasn’t perfect and instead of chicken, potatoes, peas and corn it meant that some days DD had a plateful of potatoes and corn, but it meant she ate something. It meant the battleground of meals ended, and gave control. It also helped as she got better at explaining “I don’t want the corn as x reason” or “I don’t want the chicken because it touched the broccoli/touched your fingers/it looks funny”. I also used that as a chance to teach her having more of one thing is ok “mummy is having extra peas as she doesn’t like corn” if there’s something you don’t like.

Very rude

Problem with the little bowls is she would just eat the ham, then demand more ham. Yesterday we were at a party and she had a ham sandwich, took the ham out of the sandwich and ate it then kept saying ‘more ham, more ham!’ That’s the main reason I don’t want to include ham. She’d definitely eat it though!

Don't worry, it will improve! Keep offering, that is all.

It was very rude to invent things I hadn’t said, wasn’t it? I don’t think we need to dwell on it though.

Thanks - I hope so!

You are rude.

It's better that she eats ham than nothing at all. The most important thing is that she gets calories into her.

Is she eating too much in the evening which makes her feel full? Is she having milk overnight? Sorry if I missed that!

Is she just keen to go off and play? My eldest ate very little at times because he was just so desperate to get down and do something more interesting. Do you eat with her? It's stressful when they don't eat, but it's important to keep offering, maybe if it's just small stuff and make it interesting. Maybe 'can we count how many mouthfuls?' or 'I bet you can't eat that bite of banana before I eat mine.'

Hopefully it's just a phase, infuriating, but a phase.

(Sorry if I've missed something, been typing while being talked to so might have missed some updates!)

FGS just report it then

You're worried she's not eating but then stopping her eating? She feels safe eating ham so what if she eats a lot of it, surely it's better than eating nothing?

Also I'm just checking as I don't believe you've answered yet but have you sought help from the GP/health visitor?

If she wants more and she’s not eating much else then why not give her more?

even if it means for a while buying a better quality ham.

She’s found something safe that she likes. Roll with that for a while and let her have that safety while trying other things in her own time. I was told by DDs specialist that a lot of the children he sees with food issues have ham as a safe food (DD at 4 would have ate her own body weight in ham!).

we also used that to test out new things. Warm ham - bacon. Big ham - gammon sliced. Didn’t always work every time, but helped.

I don’t want her eating just ham. Which I think is reasonable enough - I know she would eat crisps, ham and lollies so obviously I don’t offer them because I’d rather she ate a slightly more balanced diet!

I would definitely see the doctor for advice. My dc ended up in hospital twice with dangerously low blood sugar after barely eating anything for tea and it was difficult to rouse them the next morning. I was told to ring 999 each time it happened.