To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

You are 100% correct. I wish people would stop saying this. My son did after following poor advice from the health visitor. Another came out weeks later to see him and saw the weight loss and apologised for the poor advice. He was given food he would eat no matter what and gained back to a Healthy weight. With appropriate advice his diet is now varied.

I thought you were going to say she’s 15! At 3 her appetite can change when she has a growth spurt so you should still offer her something.

If you’re fairly certain she won’t eat it just offer simple food like fruit and a sandwich, so you haven’t had to spend too long on wasted prep time.

I thinks it’s a bit risky to not offer a three year old a meal more than once a day.

I made a comment re being coeliac a bit earlier and my daughter presenting quite similar to OP's, so it's interesting you have mentioned this too. Thinking back she naturally refused bread etc, eating veg, mash, egg, fruit etc very happily, but wouldn't eat a sandwich apart from the middle. Just like OP's daughter with a ham sandwich. She also refused milk and turned out to be dairy intolerant. Children seem to know what's good for them and not good for them

I don’t think I’m controlling about food unless not wanting her to have a diet of ham and crisps is controlling in which case yes, I’m controlling.

That is absolutely controlling when the alternative is her going without food for long periods of time.

@turkishdeelitee - hopefully you will be able to come back to the thread and find the good advice you’ve been given - like letting her have ham if that’s all she will eat, because UPF calories are better than none.

Sticking with what she will eat will help you too, I think - if you feel that she is getting some nourishment, even if it’s not ideal, that may help you worry less, and taking the worry and stress out of the whole situation for a while may give you both the break you need, and later on, she will start to widen her range of foods.

That said, I really do understand how difficult it is not to worry about something as fundamental as feeding your child. I had major problems with breastfeeding - in fact, ds2 ended up in hospital with a chest infection, but when he was there, they said that he was failing to thrive, because at 6 weeks old, he hadn’t regained his birthweight despite me feeding him almost constantly.

In fact none of my dses ever gained weight until I started formula feeding them, and I felt like the worst failure as a mum because I literally couldn’t nourish my children. But I learned to look at it as a phase, and as a part of parenting, not the be-all and end-all - and now they are all healthy, flourishing adults.

So I do understand that saying ‘don’t worry’ is easy but doing it isn’t - I hope you can find a way through it.

My daughter born back in the eighties was horrendous for refusing food. She was very small and undernourished. I found that just leaving a single bite of food on the edge of the table where she could see it worked as she would take it as she wandered by on her way to something else. She vomited a lot and preferred smooth textures so I would purée a batch of fruit into tiny ramekins and she quite liked those. She seemed to turn a corner at three and a half and found her appetite more often and finally grew out of her baby clothes.

I would give her easy things like toast , cheese , boiled egg, yogurt and fruit/veggie sticks. Things that can go back in the fridge for later or that you/her brother can have. Less frustration over waste/time spent preparing it. Let her pick at it . Same for lunch. Always served at the same time and always given so she can get used to that routine. She does eat at dinner so it’s not the end of the world. As she develops better habits/starts recognising hunger you can swap to whatever you consider to be better meals.

Don't stop offering.
Do stop putting pressure on her. She won't eat when she doesn't feel secure and pushing a child to eat produces the opposite. I suspect there's an anxiety-based reason for not eating. Is there uncertainty about the day ahead that means she only feels secure during the eun up to bedtime?
For no pressure eating - stop having sit-up-at-table meals. Put a choice of nutritious non-snack foods that you know she eats nwarby to her while she is relaxed, but don't insist she eats, tell her she can if she wants but it's ok if she's not hungry. Tell her about the day ahead and what will be happening when right up till bedtime.

now normally as regulars /oldies/moldies of mn know , I’m fairly chilled (apart from spoilers) 😜 and give fair but honest replies on a variety of subjects but esp on children /childcare posts - as that is my profession for decades

but as op kept going on how rude I was and making stuff up and inventing things if you read all her replies

The funniest thing is at 16.31 op herself actually said she offers snacks

I said she had no breakfast and then had a snack of strawberries yes.
She is offered
breakfast
mid morning snack
lunch
mid afternoon snack
dinner

I wouldn’t remove the after dinner milk. That can’t possibly be the reason she’s refusing to eat lunch (at least imo).

Your worries about UPF is understandable. But her not getting enough calories is (obviously) one of your worries as well, as you’ve already stated. What would happen if you did breakfast muffins with bits of ham? Or tempted her with a little ham for every bite of scrambled egg? Or pancakes with a few chocolate chips?

It wouldn’t be reasonable to stop offering breakfast imo. Even if she just eats 1 out of 7. 1 is still better than none at all…

Do you eat breakfast with her? Is she eating (or refusing to eat) what you are eating?

edit: I personally would definitely prioritise calories in this case, btw.

I would be looking at what she likes to eat and trying to find or make the very best version of it. Get some organic, nitrate-free ham cut off the bone. Roast or poach a chicken, shred it or cut it up small and keep it in the fridge. Make your own version of crisps or something close to it. Make chocolate puddings in little moulds, they’re mostly milk. Work with what she likes and make it the best it can be.

OP you can't just skip offering two out of three main meals of the day. She doesn't eat a lot I get it. I have a 12 year old who wouldn't eat a lot from around age 18months she'd have been happy eating barely anything if I allowed her to just not eat. She's still kind of picky now but a lot better than she used to be. You say she likes ham why not let her have it? She's at least eating something even if it's not really something you want her to have. My 12 year old even now some people wonder why she doesn't eat much cos she's quite happy with a plate of pasta with a dollop of ketchup to dip it in. It doesn't seem like much of a meal but is rather she eat that than sit there starving.

This is how I was brought up, my father used to make me sit there heaving and baulking as I wasn't allowed to leave till I'd eaten everything, including fat on meat! Iam 53 still don't like roast beef,the misrable memories of Sunday dinner still haunt me....iam.astranged from my father. His bullying and draconian ways

A troll. Who ?

i get you are worried as she doesn’t eat much - so to make yourself less stressed many have mentioned including myself seeing a nutritionist.

they will be able to help and advise and reassure

sit down and eat meals with her - I don’t know if you do as haven’t said

offer things you know she likes and will eat. Ham or try gammon but don’t restrict. This is really important

posters have asked what kind of things you eat

Yes, if she doesn’t eat breakfast.

I think this is me done with MN, actually. It isn’t just the ‘oh my god how rude’ stuff, it’s the troll shit stirring on the thread as well, but it isn’t helpful and it’s just upsetting me and making me feel bad. At one time you could get good advice here but now it’s just unpleasant for the sake of it.

Several hours after reporting MN finally banned the troll and now she is back again. I have a lovely husband. Who is probably dying. So fuck you.

I’ve Honestly missed the troll replies. Gone over my head

but I am sorry to hear that your dh is poorly /ill 💐

What shit-stirring?

Or do you mean the replies who don't agree with you?

So, I have asked the thread to be taken down. It’s just going to have the troll coming back and back and back and it’s turned into a stupid argument. It’s ridiculous that you can’t sharply point out to someone that they made an assumption that isn’t correct without it dissolving into pages of chaos. I am absolutely going to try to be done with MN though - it isn’t good for mental health at all.

Thank you Blondes. Troll was @Heisrevising and is now the above. I literally reported hours ago and I am annoyed it’s taken this long for it to be looked at. They’ve been shit stirring for pages. Obviously DH is nothing to do with this issue but it has made me terse and stressed and having a troll needle you is fucking awful. Trolls will troll but can’t we trust it will be dealt with?

No, I mean the troll. As I’ve said. And replies that don’t agree with me - we’ve had a long discussion about ham and you would give the ham and I won’t and that’s OK. We don’t all parent in the same way.

Are you fucking kidding me this troll still isn’t banned

Take a breath, @turkishdeelitee - ignore the troll, and focus on the helpful posts - you sound stressed to the max.