To just stop offering DD breakfast and lunch?

[turkishdeelitee]

Because she literally never eats breakfast, just point blank refuses. Also refuses lunch for five out of seven days a week. She does eat an OK dinner if it’s something she likes. I’m fed up and worried. She’s nearly 3.

Back in the 70s my friend had a child (No.3) who, on the face of it, ate very little. Dr asked specifically what she ate: Porridge at some time during the day, some cooked bacon occasionally, vegetables most of the time, some bread and butter plus whole milk. When added up it was quite a lot for a very little one across a week. Dr said it's not a problem looking at the whole picture. Child thrived and DM relaxed, child ate more a few weeks later.

For him it will most likely continue long term, there is no plan to change anything. He eats a lot better orally than he did but nowhere near enough calories to sustain. It doesn’t help his main oral intake is fruit so nowhere near enough calories

Poor love and poor you. How does he manage at school?

Please, please don't do the "sit there until you eat it" method.
I was a very picky eater as a young child and was subjected to this. As an example Sunday lunch was at 1pm and I would always be still sat looking at a cold plate of food at 5pm and then not allowed any other food for the rest of the day.
All you will achieve by this method is create food issues and a very stubborn, determined child. Just keep offering food that she likes, if she's hungry she will eat and if she isn't she won't. You sound like a lovely caring Mum OP and I realise how stressful this must be but don't make this a battle as it's likely to be one that you won't win x

I now 78, was a very fussy eater. I would eat loads at my Aunts, for my Mum very little. Aunt was short of money (4 other children) so much was watered down. My DM made sure every thing was the richest in cream, cheese, very rich in fat/oil. My stomach could not tolerate that so I rarely ate and worried my parents. Try not such fatty/rich food. Porridge or cereal with more water, same with potatoes, gravy/sauces with some water added etc. Stop adding calories is the message really and don't fuss. Children live/thrive in less affluent areas. Put a plate of food down and walk away or sit and eat with them, stop fussing.

Fine, he has full time 1-1 anyway due to other needs but both his primary school and secondary have been great with it. He doesn’t pump at school so just goes somewhere quiet and uses a large syringe to do it. It’s one of those things that’s terrifying at first but after a while it just becomes normal.

Firstly I would raise this with a Dr - not eating for what could be 24hrs on a regular basis is not normal and should be monitored.
Let go of what foods should be for breakfast, lunch - offer whatever she likes best ( within reason )
can you get her involved with prep of food - pouring cereal , buttering toast etc
offer choices ( but limited ) eg - do you want jam or peanut butter on this bread
try setting up a buffet type breakfast or lunch - fruit , crackers , yogurts , then let them graze
offering choices and encouraging independent choices can make some children more interested in the process of eating
Its a very trying and worrying thing when children refuse food - but try not to let your worry show .

A bit left field, but how are her bowel habits? Does she ever say her tummy hurts? Any auto immune conditions in family such as arthritis, diabetes, asthma etc?

My youngest was a bit like this, she would have a couple spoons cereal , a couple bites of lunch and then say 'I'm full'. We could coax a couple more spoons/bites in but nowhere near a full meal, the biggest anount eaten was at dinner. She ate a good variety of food but not much of anything and had slow weight gain. She got quite constipated so I eventually took her to gp, and after blood tests she was diagnosed as coeliac.

We cut gluten, and within a month she was eating 3 full meals, plus snacks. I think her tummy was so uncomfortable that she just didn't want to eat. She got a bit less bloated as day went on so was happy to eat a bit more at dinner, so this just made me think your daughter sounds similar.

She might when see sees others eating. Stop sweating about food. That is what she is picking up. Young children will not be starving themselves to the end. That is what teens do and she doesn't have that mindset at her age.

I don’t think the pp was taking the piss. You can soak, then slow cook a gammon joint, then roast and slice - not as easy and nipping to the supermarket and getting some from a packet or the deli counter but a way to get something the child would eat in a less ultra processed way

And like a pp said just try coco pops or something for breakfast, absolutely fine

Perfect. No fuss. Nothing. Just perfect.

OP, the taking the ham out of the sandwiches and leaving the bread resonated with me - it's what I used to do when I was a child. My Mum got so angry with me. But 40 years later I was diagnosed coeliac. The bread didn't make me particularly unwell, but my body clearly didn't want me to eat it. Just a thought?

Yeah weirdly my dd was similar with cheese and yoghurt. I mean what child won’t eat petit filous and babybel?

it got worse as she got older. Until she broke out in awful acne at 12/13.

eventually we put 2 and 2 together and came up with a dairy allergy. Explained so much about her weird eating and “sickness bugs” she kept getting.

it wasn’t until she cut out the dairy completely she was able to articulate that she always had a low level nausea and reflux- it was so normal to her she didn’t realise.

You sound rude.

The PP was asking you a question!

My son was exactly like this and it was stressful tbh so I feel for you.
we started asking him what he wanted to eat, and whatever he requested we’d give (within reason) also started getting him involved in making and plating the food helped.
for a good 18 months he literally ate brown toast, rich tea finger biscuits and fruit. It was hard!! He’d often have rice for breakfast because that’s what he wanted. The docs said as long as they eat, it doesn’t matter what. Obviously not sweets etc
give it a go tomorrow asking what she wants.
my son is so much better now but still doesn’t eat as much as a typical kid (but I have a small appetite too)

Only read a few comments. Could you do breakfast a bit later? My little one wouldn’t eat breakfast (still doesn’t as a teenager) but will eat around 10/11 in the morning. She prefers eating later. She’s still not had tea yet she’ll eat that about 7 and she’s always been like that. Also if she’s eaten breakfast dinner and tea 1 day she might not eat proper meal for another 2 days. Drives me insane but she’s always been happy and healthy and never lost weight so no one would do anything about it xx

Mine did that at your daughter's age and still does. I had so many people telling me that she'll eat if she's hungry. She didn't. She has now finally (at the age of 15) been diagnosed with ARFID and possible coeliac disease. Probably ND too.
Your DD may grow out of it but it may be indicative of other issues. The one thing you can't do is force them to eat - it just doesn't work.

My DD was never a breakfast fan. I used to package her toast up and we’d sit in the car before nursery so she could eat some then. You’ve probably tried this but maybe leaving some plates with different snack-type foods for her? Or if you’re really concerned, kids in my experience often chomp away without even noticing it while the tv is on…

If she regularly eats nothing until teatime I would speak to your GP. They might tell you she's fine and getting enough calories from her evening meal, or she might need to see someone.

My niece is under a pediatrician for this reason. He prescribed a special milkshake to try and get the correct nutrients into my her, but he also advised them to forget about UPFs and offer anything she might eat (only limiting sweets). His reasoning was that it's more damaging for issues around eating to persist than to allow less than ideal foods. It was tricky for my niece's parents who naturally want her to eat healthy food, but it does slowly seem to be helping her eat more.

Hi OP sorry I haven’t read the whole thread but I’m wondering if getting her involved in making the meal in an age appropriate way might help? My step kids, albeit a few years older at the time really started eating more and a wider variety when we got them helping in the kitchen. Good luck x

A friend said her child was a poor eater, she’d invited my son for tea with his friend's, and while I was there, her son went into a cupboard in the kitchen by himself and helped himself to lots of chocolate.

I asked him if he’d asked his mum, and he said he was allowed.

Hence why he didn’t each much real food.

Would she eat it if she helped make it

OP. All you have to remember, is, no child ever starved themselves.
when she’s old enough get all the checks done.
How are her teeth? Always a good indicator if something is not as it should be.

My son basically got through childhood on grazing plates that are left out whist he was playing/tottering around. He's 11 now and not great with food but had a solid set of meals and snacks he will eat thankfully.
Mealtimes used to be frustrating, he wouldn't eat anything but when I was just left out he would grab bits every now and again.