Friends going out and sending pics to the uninvited 😵‍💫

[BrownEyedLassie]

Can’t quite understand what’s going on here. Genuinely perplexed.

We are a group of 6 neighbours. We only know each other because we’re neighbours, no other connection besides that.

We have all known each other a number of years. We have a group chat where we chat and share photos etc. We go out a handful of times a year and have girly nights in too. But keep in touch every few days via the chat, and in person as we all live close, so see each other in the street.

Tonight, 2 of the women have gone out together. I certainly wasn’t invited and I know that the other women in the group are all at home alone. The 2 who are out, are sending multiple messages, photos and videos of the night out to the Group chat.

No idea what to make of it. I’m a bit 😵‍💫 as I’m sure the other women and me would have loved a night out rather than sitting in alone on a Saturday night.

What do you think is going on here?

I know everyone is entitled to do whatever they want. But it’s a bit odd, no? To exclude others and then send all the pics. It’s not something I would do.

I’d not be fussed about this but I have an active social life and am able to organise stuff. So I’d likely say looks brill have fun, and then a few days later say something like Jenny and Sarah’s night looked fab, shall we do a group one?

but I’d not get worked up by two of 6 going out, nor would I perceive it as sending to the uninvited. They are just sending to all the neighbours.

if you want a night out, then organise one. Don’t complain as others have one and you wanted an invite.

It’s more common than we like to beleive, loads of threads around about school mum cliques etc, always people wanting to be invited, thinking they are entitled, they’ve been left out. But do nothing to sort stuff themselves. Always.

Do none of you socialise as pairs or 3’s? Does it always have to be as a group?

But that wouldn't be a joke, would it?

It would be snide, sarcastic, irritating, awkward, possibly lead to unravelling of the friendly rapport between neighbours. It would achieve nothing positive

OP, I hope you have the sense to ignore people who just like to stoke up drama

You know people are allowed to go out as twos right, and that it’s not a situaon where everyone else is entitled to go too?

Yes this, I dont know anyone in normal life that acts like this but if i got a reply like a 12 yo I would not invite them to anything again

Don't do that!!
It's not a group outing that one or 2 have been excluded from. I really think it's normal and natural that pairs within the group should be able to make deeper friendship and do things together occasionally, without inviting an extra 4 people. I think they are sending the pics so that you dont think they ate going behind your back.

I’m not seeing the issue

if 5 of the 6 had gone out fair enough but just 2 not a problem

some of the replies in here are ridiculous snide comments and the other 4 getting together because the other 2 have gone out

make an issue of this and you will definitely damage the friendship group

in a group you will naturally be closer to some than others

Yes! Why not? Wouldn't you hope your friends are having a good evening?

it doesnt seem very inclusive

It is not a Benidorm hotel it ia people doing normal things with each other

I'm surprised at the number of people who think this was wrong, and who would be sending passive aggressive messages. Immature.
A group of friends will go out all together for sure, but there's also nothing wrong with a couple of them deciding to do something smaller scale together. They shared their photos because, like me, they see nothing wrong with what they did. You're supposedly friends who might enjoy seeing what they've been up to.
I'm reminded of the time when a friend and I (part of a larger group who often do stuff together) went off in my car to an event. We were camping and had my little Honda crammed with gear to suit all weathers. Got a txt 'It looks lovely, I wish you'd told me you were going, I could have come with you'. We felt really uncomfortable and actually thought it was a bit rude. If we'd wanted to invite anyone else we would have done, it was just fun to go as a pair for a change.

@Yeseyeam so why did you share the photos, why didnt you invite them?

to my thinking a whatsapp group is for shared events, if you are branching off, you can share on facebook, rather than sharing in the group, imo

Why wouldn't we share photos? No secret. Full story - We went half way up the country to camp for a horsemanship clinic. Everyone in the group knew it was on. I booked up to go alone, discovered my friend had done the same, so we decided to go together in my car. Even if anyone else decided to go there wouldn't have been room in the car for them and camping gear.
It's not unknown for some of the group to do stuff without the rest, usually they share photos on our WhatsApp and others make nice comments about them.
We're a group of friends, not joined at the hip. Maybe we come from a tougher generation not so easily offended.
The person who passively aggressively sent the text could easily have asked if anyone was going to the clinic and would like to car share.😂

Op's group isn't for 'shared events'.
"We have all known each other a number of years. We have a group chat where we chat and share photos etc. We go out a handful of times a year and have girly nights in too. But keep in touch every few days via the chat, and in person as we all live close, so see each other in the street."

@Yeseyeam i guess that is the difference, Everyone in the group knew you were going.
this scenario seems like bragging

Perfect, this is what healthy friendships look like. I find clingy friendships very icky. And yes I am not invited to everything, it's normal, but maybe some people are more focused on patterns and appearances than genuine experiences of friendship.

Or, as seems to be the case, some are not dealing with unprocessed child/ teenage experiences or something, hence all that insane stuff about school run ‘exclusions’ and ‘cliques’ and ‘Alpha Mums’. God help their children if that how they’re modelling friendships, is all I can say.

If you want to be in a larger friendship group you need a thicker skin.

Many are like this now, mums and their offspring. And the ones that complain the loudest about being 'excluded' are the ones who are happily being not inclusive when it suits them. It's all main character syndrome and social media has a lot to answer for. Most people don't have the resilience or maturity to engage on social media. Personally I find whats app and stuff like that has ruined so much personal freedom.

Nope they didn't know. They knew the clinic was on, but I didn't mention to anyone that I was going. I can be a bit of a loner sometimes to be honest. It came up in f2f conversation that my friend was also booked on, not on the chat. As adults, if they'd wanted to go and have some company, they could have said so on WhatsApp.

perhaps they were all insulted in truth @Yeseyeam

Don't be daft, I know my friends, most of this gang for 10+ years. We're too grown up to take offence at nothing.
Shock horror - 3 of us have just arranged to meet for lunch next Saturday! I doubt there will be photos taken, we're not numpties who photograph our food, but if there are I'm sure we'll share them.

keep in touch every few days via the chat

So what are they saying in this "keeping in touch"? I'm going to guess it's talking about general things going on in their life. If they got out for a meal for their birthday with their family, are they allowed to mention that, or not because it didn't include the whole group?

Chat groups of friends normally cover things that the friends are doing, whether together or separately.
Chat group of friends that are just to organise getting together often don't.

I'd assumed OP's group was the former.