AIBU to feel uneasy about MIL wanting one-to-one time with baby?

[Mamibaba]

I only saw MIL twice in the three years before baby was born even though we live in the same town. Didn’t see her whilst pregnant but she expects to now have access to baby and one to one time. Is it right that I don’t feel comfortable with that as I don’t feel I know her wel enough.

You aren’t being at all unreasonable. What does your partner think?

She's practically a stranger by the sound of it. So YANBU.

Hard to say without knowing you all

How old is your baby and what exactly is mil saying?

Fwiw never leave your baby with anyone ypu dont want to.
What has your dh/dp got to say about it?

No relatives needs "alone time" with a baby.
All other things being normal/ equal... A baby should be with its mother and the mothers needs should be centred.

YOU are the baby’s mother not mil and if mil wants to visit BOTH of you then that is what you need to consider but he’ll no to the one on one time!

But surely your partner/husband knows her well enough? The baby is his child too!

Depends what she means by 1 to 1 time! Like sitting in your house with baby and you go for a nap or bath? Or she wants to take the baby out and away from you for extended periods?

The idea is certainly an unusual one, in the circumstances. I’d have a think about it, for about eighteen years or so.

And if I were in your shoes, my OH would be telling his mother to sort herself out.

How can she be a stranger when she brought her husband up?

Nobody gets to demand one on one time with your child at this stage. It’s effectively telling you to go away so they can have your baby to themselves. Completely intrusive and inappropriate.

No relative needs one to one time with your baby irrespective of how close you are to them

Another overbearing grandmother!

It's not her baby. She doesn't get to have the baby all to herself like she did with her own children. She doesn't get to pretend she is the mommy again. How presumptuous, especially given your history.

For those saying she isn't a stranger since she raised the husband, true, but she's made no effort to get to know her DIL and now she wants the DIL out of the way to have one on one time with the baby?

When your child is four or five, it's different. But I don't like these grandmothers who can't wait to get their grandbaby all to themselves, regardless of how close they are to the parents.

Stay firm.

I think it's very entitled for someone that could only be bothered to spend time with you twice in three years to expect cute fun times with your baby. If you want to have a relationship with someone else's baby then the minimum is to have a decent relationship with the parents.

I’m a MIL and grandparent and would say it’s what you feel comfortable with.
However, should you ever need her to look after the baby, eg if you had an appointment it wasn’t easy to take the baby to or in an emergency, it’s far bettte if the baby knows her and is settled with her one on one.
Maybe have her round with you and see how she is with the baby?

The MiL is a stranger to two out of three of the parents/baby trio. At her own instigation.

She doesn’t need to spend time alone with your baby. I would ask her directly why it’s so important to her, but then again I don’t mind asserting myself.

Just say sorry it's not somerhng I want right now but I'm sure when baby is bigger I will.

Whereas no parents has to leave their baby with anyone, I presume his mother is known to your dh ?

I need to know why you have had no relationship with your MiL when you live in the same town.
I mean, presumably at least one of them was her wedding day.

How has it come about that you've married someone who hasn't been prepared to introduce you to his (locally living) mother ???

Why does she want 1:1 time with your baby? Just say no.

Partner had a better relationship with his grandmother than mother and went to live there as a teenager.

Just say no. She has no rights to any sort of relationship with your dc whatsoever.. If she gets to see your dc you need to be there.. She isn't getting a second chance at motherhood through your dc...

That says a lot about her parenting skills

This seems like a pretty relevant thing to have put in the OP.

She doesn't get to redo her experience of parenting by using your baby as a replacement, they are not a doll and I doubt she will be someone you can rely on in the future so make sure she understands.the answer is no thank you.

What does your MIL want to do with the baby that she can't do with you and your DH being present?

Pushing for one on one time with a baby is very strange. This would make me never want to leave my baby alone with her. It's just... odd