To not consider this “family money”

[ImNotSharing]

I will shortly be receiving a large sum of money (large to me). It is a compensation payment.

Our finances are joint and DH considers it family money. I do not. AIBU?

Happy to answer questions but I’m mainly here for the vote.

You've obviously made up your mind so move on and stop wasting our time here.

My legal fight (like OP 's, not an injury) has taken a vast amount of documents, finding information (and finding said documents/proof etc), and several complex forms. And that was with solicitors representing me. It really has taken over my life.

Quite.

And you think you could spend that amount of money on clothes and hobbies?

You endured whatever happened though, not your family. You’ve been through something shitty so I think you should use it on yourself.

Wow. You really don't see yourself as a team in reality.

I cannot imagine wanting to keep mortgage level money to myself.

I genuinely think you should give a long hard think about whether your heart is truly in this marriage. You seem to have very little regard for your husband.

Is it an injury claim?

ETA: you edited after I answered you. If it's not an injury claim you can't really compare it.

Also, given that I've represented hundreds of people, you'd think I'd know whether they had to fill out hundreds of forms. They didn't. Not one of them.

Hell NO he’s not entitled to anything after hearing this!! Right when you needed him his job and career and HIM took priority over not just you but your kids and basic things like school runs?!? Nope you put that money away somewhere safe and lock it away forWHEN you need it - which you will when you’re older and the kids are older and your “d”h goes and finds a younger version of you and expects you not even to claim any more than basic child maintenance from him!

Im sorry you could choose to pay off your mortgage and give you both options when it comes to work but you're choosing not to? So you can...buy new clothes? Honestly can't believe anyone would be so selfish

She's a SAHP, if he doesn't work, there's no money. It's a horrible shit situation for everyone.

What would you expect him to do with the money if he (a) received similar compensation, (b) received a bonus at work, (c) won the lottery?

If you have joint finances, I’d expect him to share any of those.

And paying off the mortgage benefits everyone, leaving more money for things everyone wants , including you. Taking a huge weight / pressure off the DH as well.
Personally . I think you’re being selfish. If you could make the load go away for everyone and then have spare for everyone …that sounds like family. Mine mine mine isn’t family.

I think it's really odd to feel it's all "yours" and seemingly wanting to spaff it up the wall.

I think I'd have a percentage that's "mine" to do what I want with, and then consider family needs for the rest. Would it be useful to have savings for university? I'd want my children to benefit if the sum is substantial. It feels a bit off to take it all for yourself for no real reason. If you said "I need it all for rehab" or similar, that's different.

In your husbands shoes I would refuse to continue to pick up a higher proportion of bills while you sat on loads of cash unwilling to share.
Think carefully here, you have a good partnership going, don't let this money ruin it.

You want to spend mortgage paid off levels of money on clothes and your hobbies, and would resent having to spend any of it on things that would benefit your family as a whole? Righto.

You never know where life might take you. I'd rather have a lower mortgage and less day to day pressure if something went wrong. Sounds like you're going to spend it on shite.

Family money.

And if you've been awarded a large amount of money then I'd see it as it may have directly impacted you physically but also effected your family too.

I cannot imagine being the only one working for years, supporting a family and a sahp, then, when given the chance to pay off the mortgage and lighten the load, my partner would rather buy clothes.

It's really, really not easy to get awarded a six-figure personal injury settlement and it wouldn't be awarded for no reason. It's really not a lottery win to have a level of injury that gets you a "could pay off the mortgage"-sized settlement.

Because this is your house. Yes, you contributed by being a SAHM but he has kept the roof over your head. I would honestly be ashamed to keep contributing less than 50% towards to mortgage on my own house when I could have paid it of in full.

The PSLA/general damages element - yours.
Anything representing lost earnings - if your earnings would have been family money then that probably should go in the family pot
If any element represents care and assistance that he has provided to you gratuitously - his
Anything representing past payments made e.g. for medication/treatment should go back to whatever pot that came from
Anything for future care or treatment etc should go into savings

Being a SAHP allowed him to further his career, work without fear of needing to call in because the one of the kids was sick, ask for compressed/PT hours because of school runs etc. She absolutely facilitated him.

But she suffers something so awful that she gets compensation, and you think he deserves half because they made a decision, a decision many couples make, that suited their family?!

Wow.

Honestly, I think I would divorce my husband if he had this kind of attitude. You have been happy to live off his money for years, and you acknowledge that your injuries have impacted on the rest of the family and not just you, but you want to fritter away your compensation on new clothes and a hobby rather than doing something like paying off the mortgage?

You clearly don't see yourselves as a team, except when it suits you to do so. I would be seriously questioning my marriage if I was in your husband's shoes. What a horrible slap in the face for him after he has supported the family for so many years.

Of course men and their careers benefit - enormously - from having someone else take care of all domestic labour.

No, I think the money should go into the family pot, just like his earnings did when she was off work and he took on the full financial brunt for years (as she admits herself).