AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

Been on the PTA when I wasnt working, now work 4 days and don't want to. Pisses me off that schools are so underfunded but that's by the by.

People have many commitments, circumstances, priorities and demands in their lives. It used to wind me up why some on the PTA would not.get.this. OP you sound very (over?)invested in this, which suggests that you have more time and energy than many, plus probably a low demand job. I am a teacher and after spending 4 days with kids am often happy to not spend my downtime at bottle stalls and guess the number of sweets in a jar amongst toddler meltdowns and 10 year old boys wrestling. My son put my name down to help on a catch the ball in a cup at Christmas. 2 hours of pain.

I have 4 kids at 2 schools, a husband that works away weekly, marking for 90 kids most weeks, elderly parents (one with a recent heartbreaking diagnosis), 6 extra curriculur activities to run my kids about to, including running one of my own, and a hobby that takes up a fair amount of time. Oh, 2 dogs and a cat, with the admin of dog walkers and going home at lunch time when my husband is not wfh. Cooking, cleaning, food shopping, helping one of my kids with GCSEs. Homework, social life, trying to keep fit. So. Yes. Id have probably missed the school fair email.

The school is not the centre of the world.

Well if you feel that way don't say it. But don't think you have the right to tell others what to say

I always thought mufti was old army slang. Not sure why it’s offensive unless you are offended by the army?!

Mufti has always meant a non uniform day in the UK, in australia and in new zealand. For me, and for my children.. and I've always known what it meant and where it came from.

Maybe people don't watch army films or carry on films anymore?

This has all been said, but…

‘Mufti’ is old army slang that’s been used in general life for many years. Anyone who usually has to wear a uniform but is allowed not to is ‘in mufti’.

It’s not regional. To go by this thread its use is dying out, except if you’re in the military. That’s probably an age thing.

’Fayre’ is a stupid spelling. It’s twee rubbish, like Ye Olde Tea Shop. Why schools call their fair a ‘fayre’ is a mystery. You’d hope that teachers and heads are smart enough to spot a pretentiously archaic spelling.

Mufti day shouldn’t be used anymore. I am in my 50s and when my 5 kids went through school (2 still at school) we called them non-uniform days!!

I’ve definitely been that mum. Different schools, full time job, breastfeeding and exhaustion. Also in the end (this is more recent) a feeling of not give a fuck. But that may be menopause related.
I never judge. It happens and people have more important things to think about than a school fayre/fair/fete.

editing to add, I used to work in military hospitals and heard mufti a lot. It’s colonial and generally shouldn’t be used anymore. It’s of Arabic origin. Let’s all move on like society does.

I grew up in the west country and had never heard it until I moved to london and was an adult. We are now london/Surrey and it is used.

Why is it colonial? The origin seems to be a reference to officers wearing dressing gowns, smoking caps and jackets in the mess, who looked a bit like Islamic scholars. It’s not derogatory about (Islamic) muftis or anyone else.

Is that you Amanda?

I went to schools in London, worked in schools in Yorkshire , County Durham and Northumberland and have never heard the term ' Mufti'.

It's not as widely known a term as people on here are professing.

Yanbu. I was the PT working lone parent who knew the school calendar like the back of my hand. I never forgot a thing, even with a child with SEN and peri-menopause.
Some parents are odd.

This could easily be me. There are so many chats with different things going on and 2 schools worth of things to manage. And a full time demanding job.
I missed a concert at the end of last school year, only found out as I was picking a different DC up from school to take him to an appointment at the same time and wondered why there were so many parents about in the middle of the day 🤦🏻‍♀️

Again, that’s fine but the school fayre isn’t the most significant event for most people and if their child doesn’t mention it, it’s understandable. That’s aside from the day to day stresses of most people.

no matter how many comms a PTA does there’s always one (or more) parents who just don’t read it and then complain they were never told! Baffling!

’Fayre’ and ‘mufti’ are very much alive in the Home Counties and I fight them as much as I can. Mufti really puts my teeth on edge. Horrible word. You don’t hear either in London.

Again with ‘baffling’… is it so difficult to understand why there are millions of reasons that events aren’t top of the list of things to deal with?

Got to admit that “fayre” gives me the rage and I always wonder what it has that a “fair” doesn’t.

We always called it a fête, rhyming very
flatly with rate, so not much better really!

I mean, it's fairly easy to look up the Wikipedia page for this term ... I don't think it has anything to do with schools issuing a fatwa! As the page says, it's a British army 19th century usage which references the Islamic scholars known as Mufti who apparently wore, in some parts of North Africa, long gowns and caps. The attire adopted by army officers on their days off seems to have adopted some local style in these areas and - to their eyes anyway - looked a bit like that worn by the Mufti. The term spread from the British army to other institutions like schools.

It's not a unique example of how our language adopted, changed and disseminated a term that it took from another culture.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mufti_(dress)

Do you wear pyjamas to sleep in?

I don't think you ought to call them that any more.

it’s a left-over from British colonial days in India, I think. Meaning civilian clothing worn by officers when off duty and not in uniform.

And there’s me following a similar trajectory and I know exactly what it means. To be honest, I’d have had a quick Google before asking on here what it meant though, as so many did (and were happy to derail the thread by).

im baffled why you dont know how to spell fair?

There’s a mother in my school who sends a WhatsApp asking about uniform. Twice a year

is it shirts and ties or polo shirts this term?

How do you not know the difference between winter and summer uniform? It’s in the school website

That happened to me a few times when kids were younger. They would always remind me it was a non uniform day the night before but I wouldn’t know about fundraisers etc.

Life was too busy to read daily emails from school.

I think schools and businesses nowadays misunderstand communication- effective communication is not about spamming others telling them about everything you are doing , it’s about being selective and communicating the really important things. Otherwise it all becomes just a pile of nonsense announcements.

Mufti is army slang for non uniform. My dad used to use it a lot for 'plain clothes' - he did national service. I think it's just a hang over from those days.