AIBU to be baffled a mum had no idea the school fayre was happening?

[xAwaywiththefairiesx]

Today my daughter's primary school had a spring fayre after school on the school field. Ice cream van, face-painting, various stalls with games, the usual. All arranged by the PTA to raise money for the school.
There was a mufti day today, and the children were asked to bring a donation to the school as an exchange for the mufti, something like cakes to sell or a teddy for the tombola or a bottle of wine as a prize or something.
One mum wanders onto the field after school, with both of her kids in mufti, looking around bewildered saying "What's this? Is this a new thing they're doing? Will it be every week?"

And this is so weird to me because the spring fayre has been organised for months. We have lots of emails asking for donations, several more asking for volunteers, we've had at least three leaflets home about it, and she obviously got the memo about mufti, the whole point in which was for the school fayre!

My phone own child has been banging on about it for three weeks.

How can she get so unaware? I'm not judging, honestly, I'm just baffled how it got past her.

Is it just me? Could you miss something like this after all that communication?

A scholar in Islam, specially one who can issuea fatwa, so yeah, I’m confused as to why it would be a thing in school.

I have had two children go through primary/high-school and can count on one hand the number of newsletters I have actually read!
I skim read emails to see if anything jumps out as 'important' (rarely) and both children knew if they wanted to attend a fair/fete etc they needed to tell me.
I have worked full time since my children were 6 and five months old respectively so had relatively short maternity leaves with both. I had a job to do, children to keep fed, clean and entertained, pets to deal with, a social life to try to maintain and even occasionally try and fit in some sleep/rest.
Unfortunately school shenanigans were very, very low on my list of priorities. Ideally if they wanted 'donations' a quick email with a clear and concise subject header would, in my opinion be better than a flowery newsletter asking for a tin of tomatoes 2/3rds of the way down!!

It's so easy to tell when someone is really small minded.

I was at school in Kent the 90s but it was never called mufti. My child is now at school in Kent and their school doesn't use the word mufti either. I'd never heard of the word until I saw this thread

Also, why do so many Mumsnetters get 'baffled' by such insignificant things? I never hear anyone in real life say they are baffled.

Why would op be frustrated? I am on a PTA at the moment. It doesnt mean I think everyone else's lives should revolve around school events. Even my own doesn't!

Things people might have going on that mean school correspondence fades to background noise

• caring for children with complex health conditions or SEN
• caring for parents with serious illness /dementia/who are terminally ill
• an abusive partner or difficult divorce
• their own health battles
• a particularly stressful time at work

just mind boggling that anyone would be even the slightest bit judgy because someone forgot something as trivial as a school fair.

Mufti means wear own clothes not uniform.

I have done this too🫢😆 Twice. Both times there were a couple of other parents there as well!

Would be interesting see a map of the use of mufti vs. non-uniform day vs. any other term. I’ve lived in the north and east of England and both have used non-uniform day, yet other people have clearly done differently, both in these and other regions.

Next will be knock down ginger vs. knock-a-door run vs. all the other variants of that!

Well, every day is a learning day as they say and I feel many of us have learnt about the use of ‘mufti’ for a non uniform day now! This must be regional, I’m in Yorkshire and have never heard this used in my life.

I’m baffled as to why you care so much about this in truth. Her kid might have casually mentioned the ‘mufti’ day but not said anything about the fair. People don’t read the newsletters. I remember the headteacher at my older DC’s primary literally shouting at parents for not reading it once, he got so angry!

I've heard of mufti day, but never known a school use it. I think I know it from reading a lot of old books set in the 50s or earlier when I was in child.

Mufti is regional. I was brought up in the Midlands and we always said non-uniform day. I brought my kids up in Surrey and everyone here says mufti day.
To answer the original question- I’ve come to the conclusion over many years that lots of people just don’t read or take notice of information sent to them. This is true in schools, work places and voluntary settings e.g. scouts, sports clubs etc.
I’m currently a university lecturer and volunteer leader for church activities. I massively over communicate anything important. In both contexts, lots of people claim they weren’t told things when they 100% were sent the information in numerous ways.
Can you tell I’m a bit jaded with that attitude?!

I've always been a bit like that, known for it in fact.

There could be so much more going on in her life right now. Maybe her boiler broke down, maybe her husband is abusive, maybe a family member is in hospital, maybe she is about to be evicted from her home. There could be a hundred different reasons why she missed the info about the fair. You don't know what her home situation is like.

I think this was my face when I read it for the very first time today, I’m heading towards 50, live in the south East (outer London /Kent) and haven’t heard of tag days either. Always been non school uniform day when I was in school and with the kids. I also like a pp thought it sounded like a reference to a lady garden! Am going to use this now ant home and see what reaction it gets!

I do think knowledge of the mufti day is different to the fayre as kids don’t want to be left out for mufti days and are maybe reminded to bring their donation in?

Presumably the school officially call it a non-uniform day when communicating with parents?
Otherwise I wouldn't have a clue what they were telling me!

Lecturer here too so understand the pain, students do not read their emails. I think we need a different method of contact, emails just aren’t very Gen Z.

This thread is pretty wild! Mufti day was definitely a thing in the area I grew up, though my kids school does now call it non uniform day. Clearly it's a regional thing.

I also think the attitudes towards the OP being on the PTA also seem quite rude. Do not underestimate the impact of a good PTA. Our PTA has ups and downs based on volunteer numbers. When my first started school it was good and funded a new library and books for the school. There was then a downturn before a new group took over again but now they are in decline having all gone back to work. The years they were particularly active the school had new sports equipment for lunch breaks, more books in the library, resources teachers requested as nice extras for classrooms and they did things like giving all children an Easter egg and a book at Christmas. None of this has happened recently and compared to my friends school I have had to pay for things PTA groups often cover - my son's leavers hoodie, year book, money for the end of year party.

As for why the mum didn't really know - there is often an overkill of messages on whatever platform your school uses. Sometimes these are also delayed. It's likely that the child either just said non uniform tomorrow and the mum asked someone else who confirmed (but didn't add on it's for the fair that's on afterwards). We tend to do our fundraising for the fair in advance, so the non uniform and contributions for that would have been in at least a week in advance so the PTA would know if they did need to drum up more tombola prizes for example.

I do think people also seem outraged about the tombola and alcohol - I don't drink but the queue for the bottle tombola is usually the most popular and one they can charge more on e.g. rather than 50p a ticket they can do at least £1.

Yes mufti has always meant “ non uniform “ day at school.

100% this. And they wonder why they struggle to get volunteers! The level of judgement, entitlement, lack of understanding of other peoples situations - must be part of the job description for many (not all) PTA members. The OP is not doing her cause any favours here.

Lol at PP saying people not knowing what mufti meant shows a shocking lack of general knowledge.

I’m nearly 60 and the first time I have ever heard the word is about ten minutes ago when I started reading this thread.

Not a common term in the East Mids where I live.

Is ‘baffled’ the new MN code for ‘judging’?

Can you really not stretch your imagination to think why someone might forget something as relatively trivial like the date of the school fayre?

Literacy difficulties? Not all adults are fully literate. I help a friend with e-mails and things but she's a perfectly capable parent, has a job etc.

I know the term mufti but only from reading. It’s always been no uniform day in the schools I’ve attended and worded in (north and south)

I’m a Londoner and I’ve never heard it either. 🤷‍♀️