To feel deluded, upset and undervalued.

[WasIReallyCrapAtMyJob]

Ive recently had to stop working because I've had major health issues and can no longer continue working in my field of work (or working at all). I've been in the field for over 10 years, started off in an unskilled position and worked my way up to where I was.

Last Friday was my last day, although I'd been off for most of my notice period at the request of my consultants, so wasn't physically there.

Normally when people leave, regardless of their job role, there is a whip round, a card sent round for everyone to sign, and a thoughtful gift bought with the money. I've always given generously to each one. I haven't even received so much as a card, and it has really hit me hard.

I thought that I had been a much valued member of staff, a good team player, and that over the years my contributions have not gone unnoticed. I thought I had good relationships with my work colleagues, some closer than others. Over the years I've put myself out there, gone above and beyond despite my own limitations, and it all feels now that I've been deluded and that it was all for nothing. All I'd have liked was a card thanking me for my hard work, it didn't even need to be signed by everyone, just a general thank you, something to show for all my years of what I thought was valued work.

It's not like they don't have my address to post a card to. Some work colleagues have even been to my house so have my address.

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this either, as the people I'd normally have a moan on to about work (and vice versa) are the people who've not bothered to do a card. My husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset either, he views work differently to me though.

I just feel like crap, was I really just deluded in my own work abilities? All my supervisions and annual reviews always came back glowing, no improvements needed, keep doing what you're doing, higher management were impressed with xyz when they last visited. I've been there for a lot of work colleagues, listened when they had problems at work and at home, never moaned about how my disability was affecting me etc. I thought I was genuinely a liked person at work. It's the first job in my 35 years of working that I finally felt I fitted in with people.

It appears not ☹️

It's out of sight, out of mind in the workplace. I'm a teacher and staff come and go. Some of us, however, have been there forever. I have paid and signed cards for so many staff over the years, leaving presents, baby shower presents, birthday presents etc. Having said that, when I went on maternity 3 weeks earlier than expected, there was no present or card sent when I delivered. Also, since my birthday falls during summer holidays, I have never received a card or a cake. Two members of staff who had been with us for 16 years quit over the summer so received nothing though staff that had been there for just one year and there on the day they were due to leave got flowers and gift cards.
It's all about whether you're there on the last day. I wouldn't take it personally at all.

@Lengokengo you will almost certainly get one at your funeral so you can rest easy about that at least!

I agree that this is upsetting but I have noticed that workplace leaving parties have basically stopped. No effort is made anymore

Have you organised any workplace parties recently @canuckup ?

I was going to say similar. Usually someone organises this stuff and it sounds like the someone was you. I’m sorry that happened and yes I can completely understand that it feels like a smack in the face after a great career there.

What @HaveYouFedTheFish said, pretty much. Don’t take it personally, OP. It says nothing about your worth or effectiveness in the workplace.

I had this when I went on maternity leave two weeks after I went on mine everyone else made a fuss en masse for one of the office workers (whereas I was operational so on the shop floor) but I saw all the fuss being made in the work watsapp!

Even though my direct boss and some of my closer colleagues did make sort of a fuss on my last shift it still hurt!!

I just did my best to just forget about it and move on!! Hard though!!

Yanbu. It's crap and so careless of people. Im sorry it's made you feel so sad. I would too.

Did you leave around Easter. Maybe the holiday period had something to do with it being shorter weeks so everyone busy and distracted.

Heard of Halons razor?

“Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity" (or incompetence, neglect, or ignorance)”

People are self centred.

It’s because you’ve been off. They’ve also likely had to cover for you.
bit it does hurt I’m sure.
why not send THEM a gift and a card. Maybe some chocolates or biscuits.
Thank them for their time and tell them you’ll miss them. Possibly add a slightly passive agressive comment thanking them for their support during your recent illness

I had the same. I had been in the same job for 5 years, went above and beyond regularly. I contributed greatly to leaving gifts in the past including some personalised items that I crafted on behalf of the team (I would be asked to do these as previous colleagues had loved them) ….. but when I handed my notice in when I was off poorly (bipolar episode) I got a card in the post about a month later when as a minimum we were supposed to get a % of a thank you monetary gift from the partners (GP surgery) depending on how long I had been there but nope none of that at all and the card with about 5 signatures in a 15 person team (and about 50 staff in the building) which I chucked in the bin as soon as I opened it and knew it was a “oh crap” moment!

I really think it's because you weren't there and people forget. If you can face it you could email your colleagues and say you'd like to meet for a farewell drink as you weren't in the office.

Work cards and farewell gifts are down to whoever’s job is it to arrange them. If you haven’t received one, it’ll be an admin error rather than a reflection on you. I’m sure it’s tough to take but it does not reflect your contribution.

Have you ever worked somewhere where they said “let’s not do a leaving card for * they don’t deserve one” ?

I really hope you can put this behind you and focus on getting quality out of your life going forward. Having to give up work not at a time of your choosing is hard. Those feelings may be making you feel worse about not being acknowledged by your recent colleagues. Or at least, a nice send off might have cushioned the blow of having to stop work. You have clearly put a lot into your work over the years and it will have given you a lot back too. Now it's time to move on and put that energy into having a nice life as much as you can, now and in the future.

Work colleagues do get p*** off with lots of absence. If you havent been in then why should they have a whip round? Why did you expect it? Id want to go quietly if Id been off work for a while. They might have organised something and you didnt show.
You should have sent an e mail to a few and invited them for drinks.

Ha, yes! In my team, it usually is me who is asked by management to start collections

There you go OP. The organiser has left and nobody wants to do the job going forwards so nobody has volunteered (or refused). I reckon it was about the collection job rather than about you but you ended up being hurt in the fallout from that. Have a hug from me

I am sorry this has happened and understand why you are upset. Unfortunately as you are the person who usually does the collecrions, others just haven't been thoughtful and stepped in to do it. It's not a reflection on you or your work but on how self absorbed and thoughtless people have become.

C'est la vie

I know of a colleague who rated his performance and popularity highly. He was delusional. His colleagues actually refused to contribute to a farewell gift saying they were glad to see the back of the arrogant know all! Oh the power of the gift to see ourselves as others see us 🤔

@WasIReallyCrapAtMyJob

Really sorry for your change in circumstances, that’s really tough, and you find out who your friends actually are. Sadly it is rarely the friendly colleagues. They’re more of a situationship i believe it gets called these days.

Unfortunately, at work places there is a real problem with object permanence… once you’re out of sight, you really are rather out of mind.

It is a real shame they were not as considered as you obviously are.

Honestly, don’t waste any more time or your precious energy on it. Focus on your wellness.

All the best!

Just to say I've worked and therefore left quite a few places over the years. Until recently there was a habit of doing cards and collections and leaving gifts but i think it has dropped off more since covid and wfh etc.
I'm the same person broadly in every job, but the amount of fuss has varied a bit from job to job and the correlation was MUCH stronger with the level of organisation/ thoughtfulness/ kindness of the "office leaver organiser" in that organisation than it was with me, my performance, popularity or time in role. My most lovely and thoughtful leaving gifts were from a lovely team I'd only worked with a couple of years and i really didn't do anything special while I was there at all 🤣
It's really sad that no one made the effort but all it means is that one person wasn't around, didn't know, was otherwise engaged (or was you!) . Try not to take it personally.

If you have one or two proper friends from work try asking them for a coffee sometime and try keep in touch that way, it's more genuine than cards and gifts anyway.
Sorry to hear about your struggles it sounds bloody hard.

Could it be that because you weren't in they haven't given you a card & present as someone will pop to your home with a gift & card in the next week or so?

I'm just going to be brutally honest with you here. Do you have any idea just how p*ssed off people get when a work colleague is off long term and others have to carry the workload? It doesn't matter how much you have given in the past, you will be judged on the present. Unfortunately that's just how people are. Soundtrack - The Who - Won't get Fooled Again.
Sending you best wishes for the future!