To feel deluded, upset and undervalued.

[WasIReallyCrapAtMyJob]

Ive recently had to stop working because I've had major health issues and can no longer continue working in my field of work (or working at all). I've been in the field for over 10 years, started off in an unskilled position and worked my way up to where I was.

Last Friday was my last day, although I'd been off for most of my notice period at the request of my consultants, so wasn't physically there.

Normally when people leave, regardless of their job role, there is a whip round, a card sent round for everyone to sign, and a thoughtful gift bought with the money. I've always given generously to each one. I haven't even received so much as a card, and it has really hit me hard.

I thought that I had been a much valued member of staff, a good team player, and that over the years my contributions have not gone unnoticed. I thought I had good relationships with my work colleagues, some closer than others. Over the years I've put myself out there, gone above and beyond despite my own limitations, and it all feels now that I've been deluded and that it was all for nothing. All I'd have liked was a card thanking me for my hard work, it didn't even need to be signed by everyone, just a general thank you, something to show for all my years of what I thought was valued work.

It's not like they don't have my address to post a card to. Some work colleagues have even been to my house so have my address.

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this either, as the people I'd normally have a moan on to about work (and vice versa) are the people who've not bothered to do a card. My husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset either, he views work differently to me though.

I just feel like crap, was I really just deluded in my own work abilities? All my supervisions and annual reviews always came back glowing, no improvements needed, keep doing what you're doing, higher management were impressed with xyz when they last visited. I've been there for a lot of work colleagues, listened when they had problems at work and at home, never moaned about how my disability was affecting me etc. I thought I was genuinely a liked person at work. It's the first job in my 35 years of working that I finally felt I fitted in with people.

It appears not ☹️

I think there's less of this type of thing now, often an e-card and if the person organizing it isn't on the ball, and you weren't there in person, they probably dropped it. I don't think it reflects on you at all.

Personally I think that if you’ve been off for a while leading up to your leaving, it’s a bit different isn’t it?

Yeah that's why I said it's only if it would make her feel better. Given how they've left her feeling, she may give no further shits how something reflects on her with them and be happy to come over passive aggressive. She could just mention a card if grabbiness is really a concern. I'd have thought it's obviously about (lack of) recognition and that being PA is a totally fine reaction to their carelessness. You're talking as though she'll be needing a reference from them or something.

I think they do this to people who are out of tune with the small talk group at the core of the company

People don't understand illness and disability. Even close friends tend to not understand, especially if they've only seen you when you're feeling relatively ok.

I wouldn’t take it personally as a reflection of your abilities or popularity.
I’d assume a busy manager and slipped mind, perhaps as you weren’t in and no visible leaving day.
It may be something arrives later by post when they realise.
Do you have a team WhatsApp chat? Maybe post that you are sorry to leave the team due to ill health retirement, it’s been lovely working with everyone.

I loved my job, had been there for nearly a decade but one day I got assaulted in front of customers by another member of staff, so decided to leave, it was brushed under the rug and covered up.
They didn't even send me a card let alone a present.
Never even got an apology, it was only after I mentioned involving the police they investigated.
Some companies just suck. I'm sorry it ended this way for you.

Did your team mainly wfh? Arranging collections/cards is more tricky if everyone isn’t in.
We have also been guilty of giving the baby gift at 3 months old.
Also not everyone wants to contribute now, lots of people make a point of not contributing to things like this office culture has really changed post covid.

the same happened to me too. A manager assaulted me, the HR just held 2 h meeting with her, she stayed in the job, they told her she does amazing job, I left with no card and etc, even though all my colleagues loved me. I did not contact the police, we are from similar cultures with the lady and I wanted her keeping her life and job together, she was mentally disturbed by menopause, divorced early from an abusive man, raised her kids alone. I have a big heart, so just left the job and that was that.

Are you usually the one who does the collections, that is probably why, no one else got it organised as they haven't had to previously. It happened to me once in my 20's I was young and it upset me. Usually people got a card and marks and Spencer voucher. From that job on I never again contributed to bday, leaving, maternity and all the other bullshit, it saved me a fortune over the years.

OP I am sorry. This is very thoughtless. It is not personal, but I know it very much feels like it. It is a secret fear of mine that this will happen to me should I fall ill, leave or similar.

I never understood the rhyme or reason of these collections. I don't contribute to most since they became ridiculous. Years ago you could drop a pound or two in an envelope going around, but now everything is online and people seem to at least contribute £10 or £20.

A huge collection for a colleague having a baby who's barely to be seen or heard of ever, a leaving gift collection for someone who had been with the company for 5 minutes, a £1k wedding gift for someone. I think usually they are set up by a friend of this person.

I've had this feeling, you go from feeling like a valued member of a team to someone nobody even notices is missing. And its a crap feeling. Sorry you've had to experience it OP but everyone is right, it's out of sight and our of mind.

Who normally deals with the cards/collections etc? I've had this happen before, where one person has been in charge of that stuff, and someone has been missed out because they've had a lot on their mind, or they've not been well themselves. You find that if the person who normally does it doesn't, it doesn't cross anyone else's mind to, either.

It might not be anything to do with you at all, rather the person who would normally have done it.

I expect it's just the case that people move on v quickly and as you haven't been around for a few weeks, you haven't been top of mind for them.

Try not to take it personally. Everything you've said about your record there still stands.

Exactly as previous poster said, out of sight out of mind sadly. Shocking behaviour tbh, but that’s on them. Put your health first, stress isn’t great for disability. Take each day as it comes, wishing you all the best.

Was there someone who always did collections?

If not then I guess it's the realisation that no one else thought to?

Perhaps when there was nothing to give you the week before when you popped in it was forgotten about as you wouldn't be going in again?

Jobs are like family they only have interest if your doing something for them.

It's a reflection on them and the environment at work, not you.
I have a disability that meant I had to leave my work although I was self employed so didn't have the issue you're having.
I went through a period of feeling useless and worthless, the adjustment was difficult.

That is super crap, sorry OP.

Sending you virtual 💐and virtual 🍾.

These things can happen, I suppose if you haven't been around recently but your line manager should have arranged something.

Not on the same scale, but I worked in a small, close-knit team, and when I went on maternity leave with DC1, after a period of infertility, not one person even said goodbye on my last day. There was no acknowledgment at all, while colleagues before me had been given lovely send offs when they went on maternity leave.

As I left the office at about 37 weeks, my male line manager, father of 3 at the time, simply said, it's not that special to have a baby, life goes on and don't let the door hit you on your way out 😬😂

I got pregnant soon after returning from maternity leave and at the end of that, the team was dismantled and I got a nice and hefty payout. The last laugh is the best laugh.

The majority of them won’t have been told about what’s happening. Unless it’s your manager and those above her. The person who normally arranges all of that was likely not informed.

Ha, yes! In my team, it usually is me who is asked by management to start collections 🙄 It's a bit of a slap in the face that nobody has even thought to do a card for me. Collections aren't done often, not for birthdays unless they're a big one, there aren't any young people that work there, the last wedding was two years ago.

I was feeling very lonely and sad this morning when I posted, feeling a bit better now and will get a hug off DH when he gets home from work. Thanks everyone, especially those who have been through similar.

That sounds really hard, no wonder you feel like shit about it. I very much doubt it's personal, it might be that nobody took responsibility for it, so at best it is really thoughtless if it's the type of place that is usually on top of it.

I don't want to try to deflect but it could be that someone was on annual leave or someone thought someone else was doing something etc. I agree with the poster who said to give it a few days.

We had someone in my work who had been in on a temporary basis for quite a long time and more than once, then they didn't get the permanent job. It was gutting for them and everyone else tbh but even worse they told them just before Christmas that they weren't successful, and then didn't give them a card or have a leaving lunch anything that would be fairly normal for our workplace. My dept had a quick whip round from us when we found out but we were all pretty surprised by the other department's thoughtlessness.

There are so many variables but I think ultimately it's no reflection on you as a person or a colleague at all.

'Last Friday was my last day, although I'd been off for most of my notice period at the request of my consultants, so wasn't physically there.'

No one was expecting you to come in, so no need to do a card / get a present. As you wouldn't be there to receive it.

I find it all depends on who's working there and how friendly you happen to be with the kindly ones who organise collections. Also the circumstances of your leaving.

Where you've been off a lot, then you cleared your desk and didn't work your notice period, to most people's mindset you left on the day you cleared your desk. Since nobody knew when that was going to be, it gave no time for anything to be organised. Where you've previously been off a lot you probably haven't been viewed as "one of the team" for quite a while, part time workers tend to get the same sort of treatment.

I've had a multitude of jobs. I've left places where I've worked for a few years and nothing.

One place I then returned a year later and did another few years. That time there was one of those organising types working there who I was friendly with and also the new boss fancied me (🤢). So I got a card and flowers and a small token leaving present and a bit of a fuss, on my last day. The same person (not management) looked out for my P45 and final payslip in my works pigeon hole and posted it on to my new address (which she'd asked me for prior to leaving) because she knew management wouldn't do it and I'd be stuck paying emergency tax for a while in my new job otherwise.

The only other time similar happened is a family run workplace, where I was genuinely valued by the people I worked for and some of the customers so I got a few token gifts individually/jointly from people and a written reference, when I left.

I've paid into birthday/leaving/new baby collections for people on a much high wage than me, then received nothing when I was eventually the one being made redundant, young and broke, because barely anyone from the original branch was left and I was working in a side office alone all day.

I left college early without graduating for financial reasons and took a job in the industry, I got a card signed by my classmates that time.

I left a close-knit hobby group after a year and a couple of people I was friends with gave me a "sorry you're leaving" card and their phone number.

When I simultaneously emigrated and broke up with my ex, a few of my friends gave me a card "welcome to your new home" or "goodbye and good luck" type thing.

That's it. I've moved around a lot and had more jobs than I can count, joined numerous hobby groups and picked up friends along the way. There's often no fuss at all when someone leaves something and where there is, it's often driven by one kindly, organiser-type person rather than anything official.

I learned early on not to give my all to work, no matter how lovely they seemed on the surface, because if I were to drop dead from my efforts the vast majority of companies would kick my body to the side so they didn't have to step over it and then continue their day. That's the brutal reality of working life, I'm afraid, it's no reflection on you as a person or your standards of work OP.