To feel deluded, upset and undervalued.

[WasIReallyCrapAtMyJob]

Ive recently had to stop working because I've had major health issues and can no longer continue working in my field of work (or working at all). I've been in the field for over 10 years, started off in an unskilled position and worked my way up to where I was.

Last Friday was my last day, although I'd been off for most of my notice period at the request of my consultants, so wasn't physically there.

Normally when people leave, regardless of their job role, there is a whip round, a card sent round for everyone to sign, and a thoughtful gift bought with the money. I've always given generously to each one. I haven't even received so much as a card, and it has really hit me hard.

I thought that I had been a much valued member of staff, a good team player, and that over the years my contributions have not gone unnoticed. I thought I had good relationships with my work colleagues, some closer than others. Over the years I've put myself out there, gone above and beyond despite my own limitations, and it all feels now that I've been deluded and that it was all for nothing. All I'd have liked was a card thanking me for my hard work, it didn't even need to be signed by everyone, just a general thank you, something to show for all my years of what I thought was valued work.

It's not like they don't have my address to post a card to. Some work colleagues have even been to my house so have my address.

I feel like I don't have anyone to talk to about this either, as the people I'd normally have a moan on to about work (and vice versa) are the people who've not bothered to do a card. My husband doesn't understand why I'm so upset either, he views work differently to me though.

I just feel like crap, was I really just deluded in my own work abilities? All my supervisions and annual reviews always came back glowing, no improvements needed, keep doing what you're doing, higher management were impressed with xyz when they last visited. I've been there for a lot of work colleagues, listened when they had problems at work and at home, never moaned about how my disability was affecting me etc. I thought I was genuinely a liked person at work. It's the first job in my 35 years of working that I finally felt I fitted in with people.

It appears not ☹️

Oh that’s very hard for you. I’ve had this at a few jobs and it is a punch to the gut, I know.

Maybe because you had been out of the office for a while already, it’s a case of out of sight out of mind? I don’t think it’s a commentary on your work or on you as a person and colleague, really I don’t.

People are just very self involved aren’t they, and once someone has moved on from a role it’s as if they were never there.

Are you sure they know you’re not actually going back
Do they think you’re still off sick ?

Did people know it was your last day if you haven't been in for a while?

Do you know what was communicated to them ref you leaving?

It can be a case of out of site, out of mind, or it maybe the communication hasn't been particularly clear with enough notice to do the usual whip round

To reiterate above, if you've been absent most of your notice period, will people have actually realised that you're finished for good?
Not a nice feeling I know but please try and do something nice for yourself if you can, it's tough 💓

I wouldn't relate it to your work ability, I don't think you were deluded to consider that you are good at your job if your reviews were always good.

I just think that people are pretty self focussed and that if you are not there due to being off work, people just aren't aware of what's going on. Out of sight is very often out of mind, unfortunately.

Were all your colleagues aware that you were actually leaving your role on Friday? It might have depended on whether they were actually informed by management perhaps.

I think it's partly as you weren't physically present for so long, in a lot of the minds you'd long gone. Because it was health related there's a chance they might not have wanted to make a fuss, or even remind you of work.

I can see why it's a bit hurtful though. I left my last job after 15 years and got nothing. But a weird call from my director on my landline asking me if I want to meet for a drink?! And say what? I've just had a nervous breakdown? Erm no thanks.

It’s a job, and you’ve been absent a lot. People get tired of all the collections, so, generally, only give if they have to.

It’s probably connected to your being off. I’m sure it hurts though.

Very upsetting for you.
Maybe whoever is in charge hasn't got it sorted yet? Id leave it a few days and see if something happens.
Make sure you let the close colleagues know you've now finished, just in case they're not aware.
Feel proud, you did a great job, you know you did.

It’s very much out of sight and out of mind I’m sorry to say with work colleagues. Very rarely do you find colleagues are friends outside of work, once you’ve left, that’s it. You’ve effectively left at the beginning of your time off/notice period and are now old news, even though you’ve only just left work (in reality and in your own mind).
It’s not a reflection on you, so please don’t take it personally. It’s just the way work places are and to a large extent have always been.

edit to add: this is exactly why no one should live their life and have their identity entirely entwined with work, always make sure you have friends and a social life separate from work. Work should never be your identity.

I thought that I had been a much valued member of staff, a good team playe

I don’t mean to be harsh but it is possible that they do not view you like this

How long was your notice period

It is hurtful, but it isn’t reflective of you , your work or your value. This sort of thing often happens, mainly through cock up rather than conspiracy.

i once left a job I had given my hear and soul for, for 4 years. I got given a bath set ( I don’t have a bath) by my boss, who clearly had it in their generic gift box at home. I didn’t have a card or a speech, as my leaving day was the same as someone else’s, and they specified that they didn’t want a fuss. So I didn’t get a fuss either!

it annoys me that I have never had a speech given by someone in my honour either at work, or even on my wedding day ( my dad stated some bland facts about me, then talked about my husband!) it rankles as now I am in my final job and will almost certainly retire next year when our office closes ( a coincidence, but means that we will have multiple people leave on the final day, so no individual speeches.)

This thread has given me the idea to write my own speech and deliver it to myself on my last day, maybe with my cat as the audience ( or my family if they are unlucky) Nobody is better qualified to know about my career and success than me!

I told people I was leaving and when, so they knew.

I think it's hitting me harder as I didn't want to leave my job, it's shit having a disability as it is but having to stop work because of it is even harder than I thought.

I just wanted a bit of acknowledgement that I existed I think. I can't put it into words.

If you haven’t been back since your notice period it could be that people have simply forgotten. How long was it. Going from a notice period to never coming back, maybe the moment has passed to do this.

@Aloesue 4 weeks, I left with 3 to go.

I agree it will be a cock up rather than anything to do with you. Celebrations and milestone marking at work are never done fairly. It's more to do with the capacity of people who organise things on any particular day.
I'm sorry you've had to leave in shit circumstances.

personally this is why i prefer to have the rewards of doing extra as and when the extra is needed

@Aloesue I was there the week before, taking stuff from my desk etc, and have spoke to a couple of work friends.

I do know that friends at work aren't usually extended to home, and that now I've left I'll probably not hear from them apart from the odd like on FB etc. If the situation was reversed, I'd have still done a collection and a card for them.

That is rubbish and reflects badly on your line manager in particular.

I don't think you should take it personally, though. It is a fact that people move on very quickly - they have to in this age of rapid change, frequent moves, redundancies and restructures in most workplaces. You hear someone is leaving and think they'll be a huge loss - within a week of their departure it's as if they'd never been there.

You say you were off for most of your notice period - people will have already, mentally, moved on by your actual leave date. Especially if you'd had to take a lot of sickness absence recent months.

But as I say, it is very poor that it wasn't marked in some way, even if just a card signed by your manager on behalf of your team, or flowers or something - takes 5 minutes to arrange.

I hope you are able to manage your condition better now you've left work and can find some ways to enjoy your new free time.

Have they had to pick up more work to cover your absence? Have you spoken to any of them over the last 3 weeks?

Maybe they are hacked off with having to pick up the slack - not saying they should be hacked off, but if your absence has negatively affected their lives, maybe that's the reason?

That is utterly shit of them.