AIBU to worry my 14-year-old son is talking marriage?

[ThatElatedRubyCat]

My 14 year old son has a 14 year old girlfriend. They're the cutest thing. The lovey dovey stuff they do is mostly adorable but my son is saying he wants to marry her and she's saying she wants to marry him. It's getting too intense.

She became the center point in his life, his top priority. I know, I know, teen boys are gonna be teen boys but this is overboard.

The girl, she's autistic and she has only been in my country since this school year. My son is her closest friend.

I'm a little concerned that the emotions are too intense.

Get your son into martial arts and other sports to fill up his free time. He seems to have too much free time, this is the problem.

Similar thing happened with my son. He was 14 she was 15. I was worried it was too intense - it probably was but its just a first love thing. Four years on they're still together which I know is unusual at this age but it appears on the outside to be a healthy evolving relationship. They're both off to seperate unis soon.

Be careful to as someone has advised to 'pour cold water all over it'. At this age doing something like that just pushes them closer together. Just keep the lines of communication open and as others have said make sure you've had a chat with him about contraception and healthy boundries in relationships etc.

You have talked to him about sex and contraception, haven’t you?

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 my 7 year old has married every girl in his class by now. It’s harmless.

I think you remind them that they will be experiencing lots of changes for the next ten or so years- living in different places, studying, working and generally establishing themselves as adults.
It’s lovely they have this friendship and can support each other, and as they get older they will need some freedom to try out different things and take up different opportunities. How important it is that they support each to do just that.

I might even mention the brain rewiring itself at their age, and for the next ten years.
Don’t say all this in a bid to end their relationship, but in the spirit of helping them feel the context of being their age. They don’t have quite the experience of the past and the future that an older person has.

And maybe keep calling it a friendship!

Aged about 14 i remember a classroom debate about what we thought we might do on leaving school. (1970s) My goal was to get married and have children. The teachers response: "are you completely mad?"🤣

There is a difference between a 7 year old and a 14 year old saying that. He has a girlfriend, will soon be fairly independent, and there is an increased chance of him maybe having sex or getting his gf pregnant. So not entirely harmless.

Have you talked to him about contraception?

I would let this be. People can and do marry their childhood sweethearts. People more often grow apart or fall out. Either way, it will take its course. I don’t see how being interested in marriage is a bad thing. He sounds like a nice kid. I’d rather my sons were thinking about the idea of marriage than violent porn…!

I am in a similar situation with my same-age DS - he has his first girlfriend and seems a bit besotted. He has lots of extra-curricular activities and other things to focus on as well, and it all seems respectful and sweet rather than inappropriate, but I’d be very interested to hear advice from those who’ve been through it already, on:

a) the practical sex and contraception talk - how did you approach this? I attempted it last weekend but got a horrified “Mum! I’m only 14! I’m not even thinking about anything like that!” reaction

b) whether you invite the GF over and try to get to know her at home, or whether they just continue hanging out in the park/going bowling etc? I don’t want accidentally to make it more serious than it is, IYSWIM, but at the same time it would be nice to meet this girl that he can’t stop talking about!

Are you in the US, OP? Did you post a while back about ‘cute’?

'Not a relationship of equals' . They're both 14-year-old teenagers for heaven's sake.
It's not as if he's 20.
What the blazes has anything else got to do with it?

Pure hyperbole.

Apologies for piggybacking on your thread, BTW, @ThatElatedRubyCat !

My son’s situation is a bit different probably as the GF seems, if anything, more streetwise than my DS. In your case, I might be a bit concerned about the GF being potentially somewhat vulnerable.

You know there was a time when as long as the discussion about the birds and bees and the importance of being careful was had nobody would give a second's thought to this situation, right?

OP I think all you can do is ensure that contraception is discussed , and try to encourage your son to do other activities. It’ll almost certainly fizzle out in time. And even if they stay together as a couple, the insane intensity will fade.

I think you need to calm down, at 14 everything does feel intense and crazy kind of good feeling and that’s all this is. They are dreaming and imagining a future together it doesn’t mean they’re getting married tomorrow so chill on it Jesus

Totally agree. I'm still agog at the suggestion upthread where I got the impression that it was sort of hinted that he's exploiting her in some way. He's a 14-year-old boy ffs.

OP has already said that she has. You sound patronising.

I mean he's 14
Can't get married for at least 4 years.
A lot can happen and change in 4 years

His extracurricular, karate, is also her extracurricular.

I apologize, I didn't mean to imply that she doesn't speak much English, her English is excellent.

I also didn't mean to imply that she's social isolated.

I had made a post being concerned that my son called his girlfriend's autism "cute."

The 1st time I talked to my son about sex and contraception was when he was 10.
The most recent talk he said his girlfriend is a princess and he's not thinking about that.

She's been to my house many times. That's why I know a lot of the things they say to each other. I don't have to easedrop, they talk openly.

This too will pass. It's a phase. First flush of first love.
Just let it wash by you ... "Oh, very nice love" and be there to pick up the pieces when it fizzles out.

Awww... I was 'engaged' with a ring and everything at 15 to my 15 year old 'fiance'
It's not necessarily going to harm anyone.