Was private school worthwhile for your neurodiverse child?

[FriedaForever]

Was sending your neurodiverse (ASD, ADHD etc) child to private school worth it?

Do you think they would have been much worse off in a state school?

I am neuro diverse and went to both Private and state schools. I found my primary state school really difficult, teachers just didn't have time to support me the way I needed. I flourished at the private secondary school I attended, it gave me some fantastic skills that have set me up well for the workplace as well as the support I needed. I would say it also depends on the school, not all private schools are equal and not all will support neuro diverse children.

I can see similar traits in my children and have chosen to send them privately for the beginning to hopefully avoid the painful primary school experiences I had.

Depends on the ND. High functioning ASD - worth every single penny. No regrets whatsoever. I’d never considered it until my child just couldn’t take anymore bullying, and it was literally a lifesaver. They are academically stretched in a way the state school wasn’t equipped to provide too.

yes

If you could find a state school that was academically stretching, clamped down hard on bullying and valued a calm atmosphere that would be fine, but that’s not at all fashionable in the new ‘inclusive’ state sector.

Do you think this could be achieved in the state sector without significant financial outlay or by building more schools in order to have smaller class sizes?

We have relocated to Europe to afford private school at secondary school age for our ND child. Best choice we have done.
We have British and an EU passport.

In my professional experience, I have found that our local private schools have almost become 'victims of their own success' with so many SEN children being enrolled for the smaller classes, that, in some cases,.most of the class have additional needs that the staff are neither qualified or experienced to deal with. They also do not get the same level of support as state schools for some of the universal children's services. Ask lots of questions when you look around.

My son is in a private specialist provision, so state funded but independent. He’s academically able but found mainstream awful and unsafe emotionally.

If he’d not have been served well by his state primary (who were instrumental in him getting his diagnosis, EHCP, and approved for a fully specialist setting) we’d have had to pay for an independent school without a doubt.

He has been transformed in a very short time.

Yes it was worth it for one child who is academic. My eldest has ASC and was struggling massively in mainstream and the smaller classes in private worked a lot better for him.

The youngest struggles more academically and has done really well at a specialist provision that we got him into after his EHCP. He was very nearly excluded from his mainstream school due to his behaviour but has had nothing like that at his new school.

Dd attended a large independent school from year 9.

Years 9 to 11 were horrific. Entitled, alpha, competitive peers; teachers who (before diagnosis) treated her as a badly behaved child, with little compassion or willingness to support her effectively.

Sixth form, post diagnosis was very different. A lot of the children who were targeting her left the school, Teachers recognised her skills and potential and supported her.

Before sending any child with SEND to a private or independent school I would want to be very sure that the school genuinely had the skills and willingness to meet their needs. Private and independent schools are businesses. They rely on GCSE and A Level results to attract students. They generally retain the option to withdraw a student’s place if the decide they can no longer meet their needs either because of behavioural concerns, because they are taking up to much teacher time, or because they are unlikely to have a positive effect on a school’s results.

Depends on the child and the school there is no one clear answer for you OP. I have a younger daughter who is suffering from burnout now she’s 11 in her Prep school, our academically selective senior school have offered us a place based on her academics but we are now going though the EHCP process to see if her needs can be met there.

We are planning to send our suspected ASD and dyslexic daughter to a private school for primary. I cannot see her thriving in the same way in our local state school which is rundown, sensorially overwhelming, teachers constantly off on sick leave, 30 per class etc. I doubt it's great for NT children either to be honest.

In contrast there is a local private primary with no more than 15 per class, calm, quiet and relaxed atmosphere. I am sure it will be the better choice for her.

Sorry to hear your DD had such a negative experience.

Yes, v sensitive ASD DS was basically being ignored in his state primary as he behaved well, and was performing well enough not to trigger any interventions. But he was not progressing at all. We moved him for Y6 (SATS would have been a pointless year for him), small class sizes meant he couldn’t keep under the parapet, and he stayed until end of A Levels. The local secondary would have eaten him alive and just didn’t have sufficient resources to support him. The fact that he passed A Levels and went to Uni is testament enough to me that it was the right decision.

I can’t say as he only went to Private school. His in-class behaviour was very problematic, but they absolutely persevered until he finally got it.

Interesting that most responses so far say yes. SEND support is dreadful on the whole in state schools.

Building more schools would be a massive financial outlay. They can’t maintain the existing estate let alone build more and then there is the issue of finding the additional teachers. Again they are struggling to fill roles due to teachers leaving. Sadly there is no simple solution. The whole system needs a massive overhaul in full consultation with the people who work in the schools and have to deliver - not by a group of remote faceless civil servants and government ministers.

You don’t need smaller class sizes in the state sector. You need to remove anyone who isn’t prepared to sit down, shut up and listen to specialist schools or pupil referral units, leaving the vast majority of school kids in a mainstream state school class getting a high quality education in a safe, calm place.

Simple but costs money so the state are going hard the other way, chucking everyone in the same class and hoping not too many children get assaulted / traumatised. Inclusion (sounds so cosy and ‘group-huggy’). Utter disaster.

This is us - DC was sinking, little by little in state primary and was starting to hate school. Moved for Yr6 and we have a different child, happy, confident, thriving.

It’s the disruption in state that my child struggled with. Full on sensory overload in class, playground, corridors, just everywhere. Constant shouting out, screeching etc. just intolerable. Then being socially awkward and geeky means being the number 1 target for bullies too. Daily assaults, with the school being indifferent. Private schools can just remove badly disciplined children, making an atmosphere that a ND child can really, really thrive in.

Its so sad the state sector has no interest in offering this to the majority of ND and NT kids who would equally thrive.

Yes. Because DD17 would not have coped anymore with the large state school class sizes and general noise. I put her in all girls private school for secondary. She was so much happier.

My DS went to private school from age 11-16 and it was awful. We chose that option as he’s a year behind chronological age and our local state school said he’d have to start into y8 when we investigated. As pp have said, entitled peers and a very cliquey social scene that he just couldn’t fit into. He’s at a state sixth form and thriving now, with a good social group and lots of support.
For transparency’s sake I’m a SENCO in a big state school and I have found the opposite regarding independent school SEN support. DS’s was pretty shoddy and old fashioned at his independent school and anecdotally this is the case with a lot of our local indies too. The state schools locally seem much more ‘on it’, including DS’s sixth form. With the exception of specialist independents of course.
It’s horses for courses though. I’m sure many fee paying schools have excellent support and don’t maintain the rather blasé attitude we experienced with access arrangements and social support in the independent sector.

I think it entirely depends on the child and the school. I went to a private primary for a few years, after failing at state school. It just meant I failed in private too. My ds goes to a state school for autistic children and it is brilliant. I can't imagine a private school being better. Mainstream state was an absolute cwr crash though.

You can’t really compare because all schools are different. Some private schools are downright bigoted about autistic children, even if they are very academic. In state, the large class sizes can be overwhelming.

It really depends on the schools available to you. Some state schools are ill equipt to deal with a range of issues. Others are brilliant. Some privates have - unofficially - become a hub for kids with SEN, making them undesirable for some high functioning ND kids. Even though they do not describe themselves as an SEN school, they've almost become one. I know children who have gone from state to private, then back to state, as a result.