Was private school worthwhile for your neurodiverse child?

[FriedaForever]

Was sending your neurodiverse (ASD, ADHD etc) child to private school worth it?

Do you think they would have been much worse off in a state school?

Ds moved to private schooling at age 10. High functioning ASD. From the very first day he transformed into a calmer, less anxious, happier child. He thrived in a small class of just 12 boys. Started weekly boarding after a couple of terms and flourished even more. Amazing team of teachers and support staff who knew him really well , encouraged his special interests, and provided a safe, nurturing, ordered environment. Totally positive experience in his opinion. Secondary school boarding also very positive but it was his prep school that really made a difference. Worth every penny.

As a teacher I very much agree with your last paragraph. Schools are so variable!

It will completely depend on the child and the school.

All schools are different and the needs of each ND child are different too.

DD has ADHD and her first private school was not a good fit, the second is excellent and she's flourished. She'll go to a state college for sixth form though, as she needs a range of A level/BTEC/applied A levels.
We didn't try a state school for her earlier as her brother had gone to the local state and it was absolutely dire for everyone....

I disagree with this. There's a big gap between those who need PRUs and specialist provision and NT kids who are just confident, loud, a bit cheeky and boisterous. They'd still be there in your scenario and the very typical ND kids get overwhelmed. Cut all state schools in half and those kids can be managed and diluted to a more manageable ratio allowing true inclusion of many many ND kids who are currently in private.

Not my child but I know someone who sacrificed a lot financially to send their ND DS to a private school. He did very well academically, didn’t make a single friend. So I think it depends on what your ultimate goal is. I would go with whatever school state or private that may be able to nurture them socially. So good pastoral care and that is variable by school.

I was a University housing officer for quite a few years that had responsibility to house students with disabilities and additional needs at an RG University. So I had contact with many ND students who academically had made it to a competitive University.They all had sterling A levels, the over riding factor was quite a few seemed lonely and struggled to fit in and wanted to be able to have some sort of social life and friends, concentrate on that part of their lives would be my advice.

The smaller class sizes are the one thing I can think would assist many but the issue is for every single ND student I met which was a few hundred there was no one size fits all. You know your child best.

@Phineyj the lack of consistency is so frustrating.

I have two boys with EHCPs - no appeals, tribunals, a few bumps to be sure, but generally speaking the process happened as it should.

I know that’s not been the case for others even in the same school or local authority. I know part of that is my husband I are able to advocate for them effectively, I work in education (albeit private), and the boys were very likeable so teachers and school staff had a natural affection for them. But every child should get the right support regardless of how effective their parents are or how sweet they are.

I have an adhd boy. At state he was just the annoying noisy boy who didn’t listen and wasn’t very academic.
At private turns out he is gifted and has adhd. No major issues anymore since he’s actually stretched and accommodated.
In my experience, quiet, studious kids do (academically) well in state. Socially is a different story.

@Merryoldgoat I'm a teacher as well as a SEND parent and I'm sure there was nothing wrong with my EHCNA request (except for it came for a child in a private school...) but I still had to do a refuse to assess and a refuse to issue tribunal.

My friend (rather similar son in local state primary) got the needs assessment but had to appeal refuse to issue.

It was hard not to conclude they bin requests if a private school's mentioned!

The reason we went private originally was the LA had run out of Reception places.

And she ended up going private because the (Outstanding) state primary couldn't meet need due to savage budget cuts.

Just for balance, DS16 (ASD, no EHCP) has been fantastically educated and supported in the state sector. Village primary, small classes, very nurturing environment and children and staff alike understood and embraced his quirks. We chose his secondary for its nurturing feel (visited five schools, met with special needs staff), friendly, supportive teachers. Large comp. He's absolutely thrived there and is really happy.

Well that is the dream @NittingNora! And I'm very glad it all worked out.

In a word - yes. State was completely overwhelming.

My parents strongly considered it for me due to bullying but ultimately couldn’t afford it. I wish I’d have been able to go :(

Thank you everyone for your input.