Was private school worthwhile for your neurodiverse child?

[FriedaForever]

Was sending your neurodiverse (ASD, ADHD etc) child to private school worth it?

Do you think they would have been much worse off in a state school?

Ds moved to private schooling at age 10. High functioning ASD. From the very first day he transformed into a calmer, less anxious, happier child. He thrived in a small class of just 12 boys. Started weekly boarding after a couple of terms and flourished even more. Amazing team of teachers and support staff who knew him really well , encouraged his special interests, and provided a safe, nurturing, ordered environment. Totally positive experience in his opinion. Secondary school boarding also very positive but it was his prep school that really made a difference. Worth every penny.

As a teacher I very much agree with your last paragraph. Schools are so variable!

It will completely depend on the child and the school.

All schools are different and the needs of each ND child are different too.

DD has ADHD and her first private school was not a good fit, the second is excellent and she's flourished. She'll go to a state college for sixth form though, as she needs a range of A level/BTEC/applied A levels.
We didn't try a state school for her earlier as her brother had gone to the local state and it was absolutely dire for everyone....

I disagree with this. There's a big gap between those who need PRUs and specialist provision and NT kids who are just confident, loud, a bit cheeky and boisterous. They'd still be there in your scenario and the very typical ND kids get overwhelmed. Cut all state schools in half and those kids can be managed and diluted to a more manageable ratio allowing true inclusion of many many ND kids who are currently in private.

Not my child but I know someone who sacrificed a lot financially to send their ND DS to a private school. He did very well academically, didn’t make a single friend. So I think it depends on what your ultimate goal is. I would go with whatever school state or private that may be able to nurture them socially. So good pastoral care and that is variable by school.

I was a University housing officer for quite a few years that had responsibility to house students with disabilities and additional needs at an RG University. So I had contact with many ND students who academically had made it to a competitive University.They all had sterling A levels, the over riding factor was quite a few seemed lonely and struggled to fit in and wanted to be able to have some sort of social life and friends, concentrate on that part of their lives would be my advice.

The smaller class sizes are the one thing I can think would assist many but the issue is for every single ND student I met which was a few hundred there was no one size fits all. You know your child best.

@Phineyj the lack of consistency is so frustrating.

I have two boys with EHCPs - no appeals, tribunals, a few bumps to be sure, but generally speaking the process happened as it should.

I know that’s not been the case for others even in the same school or local authority. I know part of that is my husband I are able to advocate for them effectively, I work in education (albeit private), and the boys were very likeable so teachers and school staff had a natural affection for them. But every child should get the right support regardless of how effective their parents are or how sweet they are.

I have an adhd boy. At state he was just the annoying noisy boy who didn’t listen and wasn’t very academic.
At private turns out he is gifted and has adhd. No major issues anymore since he’s actually stretched and accommodated.
In my experience, quiet, studious kids do (academically) well in state. Socially is a different story.

@Merryoldgoat I'm a teacher as well as a SEND parent and I'm sure there was nothing wrong with my EHCNA request (except for it came for a child in a private school...) but I still had to do a refuse to assess and a refuse to issue tribunal.

My friend (rather similar son in local state primary) got the needs assessment but had to appeal refuse to issue.

It was hard not to conclude they bin requests if a private school's mentioned!

The reason we went private originally was the LA had run out of Reception places.

And she ended up going private because the (Outstanding) state primary couldn't meet need due to savage budget cuts.

Just for balance, DS16 (ASD, no EHCP) has been fantastically educated and supported in the state sector. Village primary, small classes, very nurturing environment and children and staff alike understood and embraced his quirks. We chose his secondary for its nurturing feel (visited five schools, met with special needs staff), friendly, supportive teachers. Large comp. He's absolutely thrived there and is really happy.

Well that is the dream @NittingNora! And I'm very glad it all worked out.

In a word - yes. State was completely overwhelming.

My parents strongly considered it for me due to bullying but ultimately couldn’t afford it. I wish I’d have been able to go :(

Thank you everyone for your input.

Has anybody sent and regretted it?

Yes 100% worth it. I have 3 neurodiverse kids in private

Would you mind sharing their profiles? High-functioning, academic, ADHD? I’m considering for my child and really not sure whether to do private school or home educate.

All ADHD and autistic girls. One below average academically, 2 average. Low class sizes and extra support have been invaluable for them, which they wouldn’t receive in state

We agonised over the decision to move our DD (Autistic, ADHD and DCD) from state to private for Year 7. I was so nervous we would end up regretting it, but we looked round all the local secondary schools and it was very clear to us that there was simply no way DD would cope with a big, busy, noisy environment with 1500+ kids pushing and shoving their way through crowded corridors every hour. If we hadn't gone private I probably would have ended up quitting my job to home-educate her, which I really didn't want to do as I love my job, and I wasn't convinced it would be the right thing for DD either.
In the end we found a local independent school that is small, nurturing, and very calm. It ended up being the best decision we've ever made and DD has absolutely thrived. They have high expectations of children and results are excellent, but the focus is very much on wellbeing and valuing every child for their effort and unique contribution, not just academic achievement. The staff are incredibly kind, flexible and supportive. They are more than happy to put in place any accommodations or reasonable adjustments that DD needs and communication is excellent. She has made a lovely group of friends, has joined loads of clubs and had some amazing trips and experiences. It has made a tremendous difference to our home life as her sleep and her eating have improved, afterschool meltdowns have significantly reduced and she has grown in confidence so much since September.
I do think it's important to choose a school with the right ethos as despite being very able academically, DD definitely wouldn't have coped emotionally in a high pressure, super competitive environment which is very much the vibe we got from some of the private schools locally.

Thank you, it’s really good to hear your DD is thriving.

It seems private is a good choice for ‘high functioning’ neurodivergent children.

What is your child needing?

I have two kids now in 6th form and uni and have done combos of state/private/EHE.

To add to my post above: My youngest is twice exceptional- adhd and gifted. Private is a life saver.
My oldest is high functioning ASD with high average profile. State predicted 1-2 gcses. On track for a full set of gcses between 6 and 8.
A friend’s daughter also has adhd, but with a low average cognitive profile. She is on track to pass a full set of gcses which is a massive achievement for her - again durcto support in private.

High functioning ASD and ADHD. Academically capable - latest school report has them above in most subjects, a couple they are average. They struggle socially - I would not say they have any ‘friends’ - although they are well-liked and aren’t bullied. There have been a couple of issues with being called weird / odd, but they are very resilient and confident. They go to clubs at lunchtime to escape the hustle and bustle of the playground. They struggle mostly with lots of demands being placed upon them without time to process, and noisy, busy corridors, transitions and classrooms. They are a rule follower and very conscientious about their work, they get anxious if they feel they’ve done something wrong / will get in trouble.

My child's school manage it. My son's class has about 6/7 ND children out of 30 (that I definitely know of) and they are able to support them all to the extent they are able to take part in class, follow curriculum etc. my son. Who I worried wouldn't manage school at all, thrives academically and socially. I didn't know school could be so genuinely inclusive.

@Velumental primary? there are decent primary schools, but things often break down in secondary. I’m wishing you the best of luck, and hopefully it works out, but please be alert to early sign in year 7/8!

Yep it's a definite worry. I've researched a couple of options of it goes pear shaped but our local school has a reasonable reputation for ND kids so fingers crossed.