Was private school worthwhile for your neurodiverse child?

[FriedaForever]

Was sending your neurodiverse (ASD, ADHD etc) child to private school worth it?

Do you think they would have been much worse off in a state school?

It sounds like they are doing well. I think friends is difficult with ASD/ADHD kids snd they often need abit longer to find their tribe.

Why are you thinking you need private or EHE?

Which country?

Transitioning from primary to secondary, I know it can be a nightmare for neurodiverse children, I’m not sure they will cope in a big, bustling school. I also think they are a target for bullying which is much less closely monitored at secondary.

@FriedaForever

Sorry I forgot to quote your post.

I agree with you about transition to secondary (school dependent obvs)

My kids were both in crisis when still in primary school.

Are you seriously considering HE?

Yes - seriously considering it.

DC is currently doing well at primary, but secondary is a whole other beast.

DC is very lucky to have your support.

Two very different options though.

Preference would be:

Private school > home education > state school

I just can’t see DC coping in a massive, mainstream state school. I might be underestimating though and being pessimistic, there are so many in the SEND community who tell me about secondary school absolutely failing their DC.

I'm surprised, our local private school has refused to accept two ND children I know! I assume because they don't have the "right" kind of autism. (Excellent communicators, but slightly behind academically)

I know some with good ethos’, very inclusive and pastorally focussed, but there are others in our area that have rejected SEN too or would absolutely not be right for an autistic child.

I completely agree with you on both points. If DC is doing well, it seems wrong to wait for a crisis state to take action.

My advise would be to look at your local schools, state and private. I think parents can generally detect the best fit. I have done several bouts of HE and it is much harder work than having a child in school, especially if you are planning on doing GCSEs etc (although not impossible). I found the social side much harder to maintain in EHE. This will depend on your location and what other activities DC does etc.

Is online school something you would consider?

Private secondary schools tend to be brutally honest - they either take a child (if there is a fit), or not.
Sone are great for SENDs, some only for some SENDs, sone not at all.
The state sector takes all children indiscriminately, but also can’t do many SENDs children justice. The difference is that you find out by your child failing and struggling, with little information provided upfront (good luck getting anything out of a state SENCO before you actually are at the school!).
I rather know in advance a school can’t meet the need than my child suffering and burning out.

I would consider online schooling, but I think we’d like to attempt school first - that’s why I am wondering about the private sector and people’s experiences there.

The question is far too wide. Unfortunately it’s not an option for me, but I have no doubt the right school would have huge benefit to my ASD child who loves education but hates the large school environment. My other ASD / ADHD child wouldn’t have felt the benefit in the same way.

Why do you think your ASD / ADHD child wouldn’t have benefitted as much?

He would have likely have done better then where he was, but he struggled academically and unlikely to have achieved much more academically anywhere, so as a cost vs outcome, I don’t think it would have been worth it. I suspect there wouldn’t have been many like minded people for him at an independent school, so wouldn’t have found his tribe so to speak. I think home tutoring for him would have been far more successful then either independent or state (we did have some tutors but too little, too late in hindsight). Where as my other child would be much more likely to find her tribe, be much more settled socially in an independent school. First child, is now out of education and has found his thing, settled in a full time job, found friends via that but still no GCSEs.

My children are very academically able with severe needs. I have a boy and a girl.

At the time our LA policy was to have 30 kids per class. If necessary, by mixing age groups. There was no possibility for small classes in state provision locally.

DC1 started reception and completed infant school. Junior School was in OFSTED special measures and the staff pretty much did the opposite of whatever the advisory teacher said and generally unpleasant. She loved her friends and hated change and wanted to stay. Y4 teacher even more of a horror. Lasted about two weeks. DC1 came out with a pros and cons list (one pro - they can use the drinking fountain) and I took her out. She was already on the waiting list for another school.

I started EHE and she hated it. I engaged tutors and she would put her head on the table and refuse to engage. I was mortified by her brattiness. She got used to the tutors and they tried to find her a place in their schools. This is how we ended up at a single sex private school. They had lots of children like her and she was there from Y4 - Y13.

HOWEVER after GCSEs she decided she wanted mixed state sixth form. I cannot fault the specialist Autism teacher from the LA and the receiving state school. They worked with her on one page profiles, visits and meeting the teachers, taking photos and making orientation books.

For the first four days, I had several calls from staff about how to manage her behaviour and distress. On the fourth day, she came out with a list of pros and cons about why she should go back to her old school. (I had forgotten until I saw it that she did the same in Y4). Luckily for her, her old school had her back. It turned out that they had plans in place to manage all the things that the other school had been phoning me about. She is the same everywhere - they were just better at supporting. She also has a small group of ND friends which she has kept.

DC 2 - enjoyed being at infants with his sister. Also managed Y3 at juniors (still in special measures) but attendance less than 50% by end of year. Verbalised++ that "wants to be normal and go to school". We found single form entry - so still 30 per class but actual school was smaller. He lasted about til Easter and then I withdrew him.

EHE from Y3 - Y6. His target was to be back in school for Y7. I felt a lot of pressure to "keep him up" with peers in school so he could slot back into Y7. Hated Y7 in local state school with local friends. Was back in EHE by Easter.
Very upset about it not working out.

Went to open day of very small private school which was not selective and offered extremely personalised provision. I cannot overstate this. He went there from partway through Y8 until Y11. He wanted to go to a bigger 6th Form in state school. Lasted 4 weeks. Complete burnout. Took the rest of the year off.

Went back to local college. Massive struggles but really his last chance. Has private tutors for all of his subjects so effectively EHE just goes to college for social experience and to "be normal" but really struggles with the environment. He is expected to get exceptional grades.

I don't know if that is helpful. One child settled into the right school and pretty much stayed there. The other struggles everywhere he goes.

For us the right school was night and day, but the child does not always know which side their bread is buttered!