How old is too old?

[Youremyannie]

I know there have been many many posts regarding how old is too old to have a baby. But I'm more wondering how old is too old to think you could still get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy?

Not many girlfriends to ask. My step-up had her last at 42 an my gran had her last at 49. But I see people on here struggling at 35+

I think I was around 42 when I said to DH that’s it’s now or never if we have another baby. We decided never.

I’m 46 now and wouldn’t feel confident at being able to conceive and carry to term.

That's explained not by extending one's childbearing years by having lots of kids, but by contraception being largely unavailable.

My mum had six children, first at 19 and the last at 43 (that’s me). She told me being pregnant with me was worse than being pregnant with twins at 28 and it took more of a toll on her body. She very much encouraged me to have my kids young and I did. It’s not the same for everyone but a lot of women I know who’ve had lots of kids say it gets harder with age and there are more complications. The thing that freaked me out with my mum was when she was pregnant with me it fucked up her teeth and I’ve got mild neurosis about my teeth lol.

Errr no.
The point is that a Victorian woman of 40 plus often had children whereas a modern day woman who wants children at that age often can’t. It’s not anything to do with contraception.

First baby at 43, second at 46, miscarriage at 9 weeks when I was 51. Not an older mum by choice, just didn't meet anyone I wanted children with until over 40

That’s a hell of a lot of women out there you disapprove of! 😬

Why would you disapprove when average healthy life expectancy for the M would see the child of a 35 year old to adulthood?

My understanding is the sucess rate with frozen eggs is very poor especially if you were older than 35 when they were frozen. Happy to be corrected by anyone who knows better. Also IVF is stressful and horrible invasive, why not just go for it now ?

I have a lot of friends mid 40s who have got pregnant naturally, known a few late 40s

I agree with this I think. It was the last time I really considered becoming pregnant again- in the end I went back on the pill for 5 years. At 47 I decided that the risks of hormonal contraception outweighed the risk of unintended pregnancy. I didn't get pregnant and had my last period at 49.

I had both mine in my 20's, but had I left it later I think I'd have struggled to conceive as peri symptoms appeared at 37. I'm 44 now and on HRT.

A feeling means nothing, but I know what you mean. I had a strange premonition or sense that I would get pregnant at 43 without too much trouble. That I would be ‘in time’.

I did not get pregnant and am almost 46 now. I ‘felt’ quite strongly I could - and would - but quite clearly I couldn’t.

I have two friends, one is 53 and has a four year old and the other is the same age as me, 55 and her son will be 7 in June. It took them both a long time and a lot of heartache to get their family. Who are we to judge?

I would try for a first, or a second until 42

That would be me, others would be different

It doesn't have much to do with how you feel. The chance of miscarriage and problems rises rapidly from age 35. But some women in their forties have easy healthy pregnancies.

May I ask why you’d disapprove of my 3 beautiful children I had at 36, 38 and 42? Would you rather they didn’t exist? They’re pretty wonderful and have a loving home and life!

42 should be the point where anyone should become a parent. IMO.

Not start trying at 42, I mean actually HAVE a baby at 42. That should be the oldest anyone should be having a baby.

You will of course get lots of posters talking about their great aunt Fluff, and their great granny Boo who had 2 babies in their mid 50s back in the 1930s, 1940s, or 1950s, or even further back, but in reality, this was the child of a female relative (probably one of their daughters...)

.

Pregnancy stops a follicle forming and releasing an egg every month for 9 months of the year. People who get pregnant over and over spend a lot of time not releasing eggs and growing follicles (that then scar over). This delays the point at which you run out of eggs because you’re only releasing 0-3 eggs a year instead of 12+

That poster @SnugglyJumpersMakeItBetter has just put their opinion (as the OP asked.) Why are you taking it personally?

I had my first at 38 and my second at 41. I did get pregnant again at 43 but chose to terminate as I felt my family was complete and I did not want to go through the baby stages at 44. All completely natural. People should have children when it is right for them, not because society dictates that between x and y are the ideal ages to have a family.

I don't know how old you are OP but an important thing to remember is that the cliff edge at 35 seems to have been debunked. It's way more gradual and individual than that. You can always fall on either side of any statistic, nobody will be able to tell you that something is 100% possible or impossible unless you have been given a diagnosis that says it is.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/future/article/20240313-the-fertility-myth-most-advice-says-womens-fertility-declines-after-35-the-truth-is-more-complicated

I’m not, asking why.

Yes absolutely.

I vaguely recall reading something about the protective effect of the massive hormone levels that the female body generates during pgcy.

I think it preserves egg quality which is the main issue for women in late 30s/40s.

Accordingly if the Victorian women had a lot of children in their 20/30s, perhaps they managed to maintain the ability to have more in their 40s (not, of course, that many of them would have wanted more).

I was not older than 35 when I froze my eggs, I thought my post made that clear?

Yes I see that, still not guarenteed thoigh and horribly invasive-what are you waiting for if you want children ?