How old is too old?

[Youremyannie]

I know there have been many many posts regarding how old is too old to have a baby. But I'm more wondering how old is too old to think you could still get pregnant and have a successful pregnancy?

Not many girlfriends to ask. My step-up had her last at 42 an my gran had her last at 49. But I see people on here struggling at 35+

This makes sense. An egg is released every month when not pregnant. If you are pregnant your other eggs aren’t being released for nine months?

Not sure if I’m right though? My personal cut off was 25 but then I started at 16. If I’d started at a normal age my cut off probably would have been 35.

42 is obviously at the upper end of reasonable. If it’s your first I would go for it…

There are two answers to this:

1. Personal choice
2. Fertility (i.e. if you can still get pregnant then it's not too old - I'm talking about naturally here, not post-menopausal women having fertility treatments).

My own personal cut off was 35, but I had the last of my three DC at 33 and knew I was done.

I went into perimenopause around 44 and I doubt I'd have been able to conceive then even if I'd wanted to.

Well I will be 49 this year and I 100% know I'd not cope with the physical tole of caring for a baby. I think I have felt just physically too old / too tired for a small child for the last 5+ years. I am also peri / menopausal so my body clearly agrees with me although I believe that without contraception I could still fall foul of a "freak" conception even now as periods are not fully stopped.

I had my youngest at 33, we decided not to have more but feel like I could have up to about 40. I am 44 now and probably still physically could get pregnant as I am having regular periods, but I feel like I am too old to do it all again now with the lack of sleep then running around after a toddler.
So I would say obviously depending on the situation, that mid 40s is too old.

Never too old if it happens naturally, but much over 42 with extensive fertility assistance seems to be a reasonable cut off, surely?

It depends on circumstances. I had my first at 25 second at 32. Youngest is 9 I would not go back to nappies now.

If I had met dh later I expect first at 33 and second at 38 would also be fine. Or older if thats how life worked out.

Also know people who happily go back to baby stage after a big gap but wouldnt be for me.

It is a very personal decsion based on your own circumstances, health, energy levels and desire for a child.

I started TTC at 36. Took over a year to conceive. Then secondary infertility. I wouldn’t advise people to leave it so late if they want more than one

It really depends on how you feel. As the saying goes, you’re only as old as you feel, though I know that doesn’t quite apply when it comes to pregnancy. I have one DD (edited to say she is now 8), I’m 39, and I’ve chosen not to have any more children. If I did want another though, I don’t think I would after 40 and definitely not 42/43 +. Not necessarily because I couldn’t (who knows), but because I think people sometimes forget that having a baby means raising them through every stage of life - childhood, teenage years, adulthood. I feel I could probably have a baby at 40, but the idea of still doing the school run well into my fifties doesn’t really appeal to me. I know i may be the minority here though! Each to their own.

There’s no guarantee whether you’re 18 or 40 but both partners can get their fertility checked to give some idea.

I had my first and only healthy child at 44. I know how lucky I am.

I meant to say it was a natural pregnancy. Many rounds of IVF did not work then I fell pregnant.

I had mine at 35 and 39. This is the first year they’ve both been away from home together. I’m 59, and the last few years have been very tiring, my energy levels are not what they were. I had no problems energy wise when the kids were small but have found peri/post menopause with teenagers quite difficult. It’s a relief to have some downtime at last. If I were to do it all again, with the benefit of hindsight, I’d not have children beyond 35. I work quite long hours and if I didn’t need to do that, and had lots of support and other adults around to help, which I don’t, then perhaps it would be 40.

I think this is what honestly needs to be spoken about more, excluding fertility considerations.

I don’t think people are considering enough what the future may look like and that health risks increase.

Whatever you might read, it is still unusual to conceive naturally and carry a baby to term after the early forties. We are born with all the eggs we will ever need and the quality reduces over our reproductive lives as does ovulation. This is why women in their twenties are much more fertile than those in their late thirties onwards. It is also why it is more common to have a disabled child. Statistically, a woman is considered childless if she has not had a child by the age of 45. We all know that there are outliers but this is the reality of the situation.

Just hopping on briefly to make the point that ‘regular periods’ does not necessarily equal fertile woman. Many women are caught out by misunderstanding this and it leads to terrible heartbreak.

‘Regular periods’ just means each of those eggs is able to inform the endometrium chemically that it isn’t fertilised and that the endometrium should therefore be shed.

This is a very very long way off an egg being of sufficient quality to be fertilised, travel to the uterus, implant and grow into a viable embryo.

I remember this too (a girl in a extra curricular I went to had “old” parents and everyone discussed it) but I don’t think it would happen these days. The average age of a first time mother is 31. I would say at our school the “average” parent is probably around 35 years older than their child, but 40s isn’t unusual. It would be a strange thing to pick on someone for now.

As for whether it’s selfish.. I think as long as you’re doing a decent job parenting, no age is inherently selfish. There are advantages and disadvantages at every age. In your forties you are more likely to be financially settled the way that so few people are in their twenties these days but yes, of course, fewer years with your children and less energy.

In my grandparents generation people got married young - it was a given. There was no dating around for years and living with partners (good or bad thing, I couldn’t say). People didn’t have student loans. By his early twenties my grandfather had a “job for life” with a final salary pension and they had bought their first house. This just doesn’t happen now.

I think of below 43 as a normal age to have kids

It's a personal thing isn't it? if we are talking about choice and not fertility.

For me, my cut off would have been around 35 and that's an absolute upper maximum!

We are all different. Fertility wise I suppose you don't really know until you start trying.

I had DC1 at 31, DC2 at 33 and I'm pregnant - it's early days but I'll be 37 when this one is born, all being well. I had a wobble about being too old but a lot of my friends are having their firsts at the moment so it doesn't seem too strange. DH's line in the sand was that he wanted final baby born by the time he was 40 and this one will beat the 'deadline' by 6m.

On the basis that we'll be 55 and 57 when youngest is 18, I'm ok with it. Elder two will be 22 and 24 at that stage. Not sure I'd want to throw it much later.

Interestingly DC1 was the hardest to conceive (nearly a year), DC2 was a surprise and this pregnancy we caught first month! Seven years I've been at this TTC and pregnancy nonsense and the more I've done the more I've concluded there really is no rhyme or reason to women's' fertility.

I met my now husband in my late 30s and was then pregnant at 40 and again at 45. Both easy pregnancies, deliveries and recovery. I’m without a doubt the oldest of the mums in my kids school but I’m pretty chilled and damn smart. I regularly say to my kids that I’m the oldest mum and how my magical body and dads love made them. What’s the alternative? Get rid because society may judge me as too old?? Nah!! I am a great mum and I have a wonderful family.

How could anyone know that though? You could really struggle at 33, or you could easily get pregnant at 43. Everyone's fertility is different and it's impossible to know unless you start trying or have tests done.

Late 30s for first baby is very common in my circle. I was 37 with my first and 40 with my last, and it feels absolutely fine and normal. No problems getting pregnant and kids all healthy (I did do the genetic screening at 10 weeks for peace of mind). I’m now mid-40s with primary school children and obviously life is non-stop but I’m not exhausted. It was the right time of life for us.

I'm not asking that

Sorry if I was rude too.

I had three from 35 to 38 and they are all (so far!) without any health challenges. I felt you were saying that children with mums over 35 are almost guaranteed to have challenges. That's obviously untrue. And yes, many on here would lie or embellish to prove their point, or even cause trouble and try to make others feel shitty.

Wishing you the best