To wonder why people talk over me?

[Tressle]

I have only recently started to really notice this, and it makes me recall various times throughout my life when it has also happened.
Just a bit of background - I'm from a stable/happy family, was very well cared for, encouraged and valued as a child and did well in school. I don't have any shyness issues or mental health concerns, and to the best of my knowledge I am a good listener and love communicating with people.

I have recently noticed when in groups of more than 2 people I am often over-talked, usually when I am around 3 words into a sentence. My DH does not do this thankfully, and I am sure he has even begun to notice it happening when we socialise.
For example, we met up with friends yesterday afternoon for coffee/lunch as we do often, and there were 5 of us (male and female) in total, sat in a circle around a small table. Everyone in this group is friendly, but it still seems to happen. You know that relaxed energy when you are chatting with friends on a sunny day, no stress, nice atmosphere....all contributing to talk about local building projects, where one had been on holiday, what soups we love to make, low key stuff.

And I notice that whenever I add something or lean forward to speak, I will get a few words in and someone will just start talking over it, very naturally, almost as if it never happened - which is likely why I have not fully consciously recognised it for so long!
I remember this happening in small groups at various times in the past and am wondering if it is natural to some extent, or whether it's me...or them!

I don't speak too quietly, and am not under confident. As far as I know I am not boring and I don't hog conversations or prattle either.
Oddly enough this is only in social circles, never through work with clients and colleagues or in academic situations. In fact the only place it never happened was at uni/work.

The worst thing is that I have noticed that now, when it happens, I have started to rush my sentence out in effort to be heard before someone overtakes it and I think that's sad.

It is easy to just say people are rude, but I don't know. It isn't just recent, so perhaps a group dynamic, or god knows, maybe I am a bad fit??
Anyone experienced this, and can shine a light on it?

I’ve noticed people do this to me but it’s that they ask a question that derails the anecdote. I find that so rude and difficult!

Example:

”I was on the bus earlier and the bus driver was texting as he was driving - then, just as we went round a corner he…”
”Was that on Broad Street? Have you seen they’ve put new traffic lights there?”
”Umm… no, it was on High Street.”
”Oh, because they closed the road for ages and…”

And the story’s gone.

Some people have already offered their perspective from the side of the ‘perpetrators’ , I’ll also add my two cents. I do talk over others and I feel so bad I do it. I’m actively trying to control it. For me it’s because I am not sure in my brain about when it’s my turn to speak plus I always have the anxiety of wanting to appear as the proactive and enthusiastic person that I am. In my mind, this is achieved by talking a lot and by almost attempting to finish the other persons sentences. It feels surreal and stupid writing this out. I do have anxiety. I’m open about it and for example at work I’ve explained I’m aware I do this and they should feel free to tell me to shut up if I’m becoming annoying. I’ve apologised and assured them I’m trying, but it’s a compulsion so not easy. In Teams meetings what I do is I constantly stay muted and use the “put hand up” function to speak. In person it’s a bit more difficult especially if we’re all having an intense stressful day. I spend a lot of time beating myself up over this 😞🫣

Guilty. In my mind, this shows I’m actively listening with interest.

😭😭😭

This has happened to me, enough times that I've noticed but not enough times that I think it's a pattern or anything personal. I've also caught myself doing it to other people occasionally and if I notice in the moment I apologise.

There's also that thing where I think I'm making a brief interjection - if they mention a particular bakery as part of their anecdote and I say "love their pastries!" more as a supporting statement than an interruption - but then someone else chimes in and then someone else and you have to consciously redirect the conversation back to the anecdote.

Oddly the easiest dynamic to deal with is when a man interrupts me, because it's such a well-known thing that you can easily point it out in the moment (and usually they apologise).

Very interesting to read about all the posters who grew up learning they had to interrupt to be heard at all in their families. Lots of things suddenly make a bit more sense. I didn't grow up in a family like that so my default is to wait my turn.

I have ADHD and hate that I talk over people, I drive myself mad trying not to do it and stay quiet in some situations as not speaking at all helps but if I’m really relaxed with good freinds or family I fall back into doing it. I’m also very conscious of other people doing it and try and even up conversations where people have been talked over.

Then I overthink all the situations I’ve done it in for days after. It’s exhausting so maybe your freinds don’t mean to be rude.

I don't agree it's a product of covid, video conferencing or any other modern technological or social engineering, its upbringing. We were taught as children not to interrupt. Normal family, no airs and graces, had table manners etc... but some families were quieter than us, others more chaotic and louder so they tended to have to shout to be heard. My Dsis is married to a constant interrupter -- they argue about it all the time but as she says, he hasn't got a bad bone in his body and always tells a really entertaining story. My exH had severe ADHD and interrupted everything and everyone. Not only that, he actually got offended if others didn't stop and acknowledge him! Again, a very entertaining character and people loved his company so put up with it. We are all different-but being around these types to me now I'm older is absolutely exhausting.

I completely understand @wendywoopywoo222
We have ADHD in our family and I find it is the intense urge to blurt things out before you forget them, prior to the topic changing within the conversation. Sometimes it is random thoughts too and a quick change of topic without fully listening to other person and following the natural flow. It is almost like giving yourself a good talking to in your mind, "wait wait, don't interrupt ", It is definitely utterly exhausting and even more so if talking to somebody else with ADHD! I get talked over alot as my dc is on the spectrum, suspect I have traits too as it is highly genetic.

I think it happens to everyone and most people also do it also