AIBU to ask my adult son to be quieter at home?

[Anditsyourcat]

Hi all, so my son is 27, he is living with us for 4 weeks while he is between rentals. We aren’t charging him any rent, but he is getting his own food etc.
This is the first time DS has spent any extended amount of time at home since he left for uni, between uni years he was often away travelling and then he got his own place.

Here is the issue we are only 2 weeks in, on Monday and Friday I don’t work and DS happens to work from home. I tend to go into town during the day but I don’t have a set list of things to do or activities, I may meet a friend, I might just nip to the shops, I might sit in the park for a while. I often don’t know until I’m actually out and about.

Now on 3 of the 4 Mondays and Fridays he’s been here, I’ve come home each time either to a girl in the house just leaving or on the last 2 to him having … let’s say very loud bedroom activities.
Im not a prude I don’t expect him to never have sex of course but I do think there should be some respect for days where I’m likely to be home and around, and the volume. Not to mention he probably shouldn’t be having girls round while he is meant to be working anyway!

Last night he had a girl over in the afternoon, I came home and was subjected to a fairly long period of them being quite noises. I debated knocking on the door but I didn’t want to embarrass him so I just put the TV on rather loud and tried to ignore it. Afterwards he and this girl spent some time in his room before going out for dinner I assume, he didn’t get back until very late.

This morning before he left for work I mentioned to him, that I would appreciate it if he kept the volume down in the future and was considerate of the fact I would be in and out of the house unpredictably on Mondays and Fridays. He told me he was sorry and seemed quiet and embarrassed. He’s now text me saying he feels I overreacted and he doesn’t feel comfortable coming back so he’s just going to stay with a friend for the last couple of weeks. DH agrees I overreacted and I’d have been better not to say anything since it’s just a 2 more weeks.

Was I unreasonable to mention it? I don’t feel I overreacted? Should I apologise?

No, you weren't wrong he was being disrespectful, can't he contain himself for a couple of weeks fgs or get a hotel room if he wants to be loud.

No, you should not apologise. It sounds quite sensible for him to stay with the friend. I don't think he would be massively thrilled if you and your husband were at it for the entire day while he was working from home, would he?

No. I dont think you were inconsiderate - you were doing him a favour letting him stay and he needs to respect your space in your house. I expect he is mainly embarrassed, so lying low. Plus - he should have been working lol!

You weren't inconsiderate - your son was. Bringing total strangers into your house for sex during the day is a bit yuk anyway, particularly if he's meant to be working.

Your house, your rules. If he doesn't like it he can pay to stay somewhere else.

In what world is asking someone to keep the volume down during sex 'overeacting'?
Gawd i would be mortified if anyone heard me having sex nvm my parents.

Frigging eck .... no I don't think you were being unreasonable at all! Sounds like a good idea that he's off to his mates instead!

Good grief - when DS25 was living here after graduation i would have hit the roof if he was having loud sex during the day while i was at home!

Is he for real? He’s staying rent free and bringing strangers home and thinks you were out of line having a word with him?

You definitely didn’t overreact! It’s perfectly reasonable to ask people to keep the (bedroom) noise down.
The only person who has overreacted is your son, and he was being disrespectful in the first place.

I thought you were going to say he was a lot younger than 27! Crikey. It sounds like a 17 year old who doesn’t know better.

Really obtuse and immature and ill-judged behaviour on his part. And now he’s flounced off. I would let him stay flounced.

Working from home? Is his job a male escort?

Wow! So he treats your home like a knocking shop and he’s the wronged party cos you called him out on it?! Nope.

Id have knocked on the door and embarrassed him. So you definitely havent over reacted

Regardless of the noise, the fact your son is having girls around during the day to have sex, whilst he’s supposed to be working, is pretty grim in itself! It sounds like they’re random women? And not a partner?
Dont they have jobs to do too? Grim.

Nah, listening to anyone’s sex noises while you’re sitting down having a nice cup of tea is icky

Thats why ‘babe station’ or the modern equivalent isn’t on at 3pm 😂

It seems Friday and yesterday were the same girl, but he’s newly single (this is why he’s moving). I was very shocked that he was doing this during his work day though! No longer WFH is getting a bad rep, silly behaviour like this could ruin it for everyone, even those who are actually doing their job!

Let him stay where he is
nobody want to sit in the house listening to other people have sex complete lack of respect
Just text back ok

if he brings it up just tell he you don’t want to sit in your house listening to him having sex

id say he’s embarrassed

No, you didn't overreact. It’s mind boggling that he can comfortably have loud sex when he knows his mum is around. I mean if that doesn’t put you off your stride I don’t know what will!

So he feels ‘uncomfortable’ now you’ve mentioned it - good! A taste of what you felt having to listen to it!

Don’t back down or apologise. When he has his own private space he can shag as loudly as he likes, when you share a space with others, you do the decent thing and be discreet! It’s basic sex etiquette!

Never mind his discomfort, he's wrong to use your home for that purpose. Can he not do without for a month? Let him stew.

Your DH is probably trying to stay on your DS good side, but should be supporting you.

YANBU , I wouldn’t expect my adult kids to have to listen to my husband and I having noisy sex and likewise I’d expect them to keep the noise down .

So he was literally on the job. Cheeky sod. Let him stay at his friends. Your DH should have supported you in this.

You are doing him a favour, he is sulking because you asked him to keep the noise down, he obviously doesn’t like anyone telling him what to do and isn’t considerate. I can see why he’s single! Let him stay elsewhere and treat their home as a knocking shop.

Hahaha he'd be hearing me shag his Dad to get the point across.
No mother/son wants to hear the others bedroom noises.
You have done nothing wrong.

If he is living with you for 4 weeks, I would not expect him to bring ANY girl to the house, regardless of volume, unless it was his steady girlfriend. And even then, I would think he could go to hers for sex.
Deeply unrespectful to be bringing strangers into your house, especially without asking prior permission.
He is not an animal, he can control himself for goodness sakes!

I'm only in my 30's but this does make me think that there's some truth in accusations of snowflakery..
Poor him, he now feels uncomfortable. Well, he made his own mother feel very uncomfortable in her own home.

What an absolute baby rude manchild he is.
I would reply “yes probably for the best, but they won’t want to hear your sex noises any more than I do. If you get kicked out you’ll need to find a hotel”