AIBU to ask my adult son to be quieter at home?

[Anditsyourcat]

Hi all, so my son is 27, he is living with us for 4 weeks while he is between rentals. We aren’t charging him any rent, but he is getting his own food etc.
This is the first time DS has spent any extended amount of time at home since he left for uni, between uni years he was often away travelling and then he got his own place.

Here is the issue we are only 2 weeks in, on Monday and Friday I don’t work and DS happens to work from home. I tend to go into town during the day but I don’t have a set list of things to do or activities, I may meet a friend, I might just nip to the shops, I might sit in the park for a while. I often don’t know until I’m actually out and about.

Now on 3 of the 4 Mondays and Fridays he’s been here, I’ve come home each time either to a girl in the house just leaving or on the last 2 to him having … let’s say very loud bedroom activities.
Im not a prude I don’t expect him to never have sex of course but I do think there should be some respect for days where I’m likely to be home and around, and the volume. Not to mention he probably shouldn’t be having girls round while he is meant to be working anyway!

Last night he had a girl over in the afternoon, I came home and was subjected to a fairly long period of them being quite noises. I debated knocking on the door but I didn’t want to embarrass him so I just put the TV on rather loud and tried to ignore it. Afterwards he and this girl spent some time in his room before going out for dinner I assume, he didn’t get back until very late.

This morning before he left for work I mentioned to him, that I would appreciate it if he kept the volume down in the future and was considerate of the fact I would be in and out of the house unpredictably on Mondays and Fridays. He told me he was sorry and seemed quiet and embarrassed. He’s now text me saying he feels I overreacted and he doesn’t feel comfortable coming back so he’s just going to stay with a friend for the last couple of weeks. DH agrees I overreacted and I’d have been better not to say anything since it’s just a 2 more weeks.

Was I unreasonable to mention it? I don’t feel I overreacted? Should I apologise?

I cannot believe you are tolerating this even once.
Really OP?
He sounds dragged up to be so disrespectful of his family home.
I have a 22 and 26 year old that are back and forth, and this is unimaginable.
This is not normal behaviour at all.

He is dragged up. I definitely would respond "perhaps for the best".

I would be mortified if any of MY spoiled, definitely a bit entitled, children, behaved like this.

I would be absolutely raging if my DC bought random people to my home.

Does he know these women or are they prostitutes?

Not many people are free to go to someone’s home and have sex during the day.

At the very least, he should have asked your permission first, told you what time she’ll be around and kept the noise down.

You have under reacted if anything. Would love to know how he would react if the situation was reversed 😳

YANBU! I’d be fuming if my adult child carried on like this in my house especially as he’s supposed to be working.
Apart from the loud sex has he actually asked you if he can bring back these random women to YOUR home.
He’s disrespectful on several levels.
He’s a grown man not a hormonal teenager with an uncontrollable appendage!

I was reading this thinking you were going to complain about loud work calls! What he is doing is so far beyond what's reasonable that I would question both his and your DHs morals and values. How can either of them think it's OK to do that to you?

Policing his working hours is not your job but setting rules about him bringing people to your home is. You did the right thing. He'll get over it.

YANBU. He is being rude and disrespectful. You were doing him a favour, and he has taken advantage.

Not in a month of Sundays would I have brought random men home to my parents' house if I were staying there, how embarrassing. Your home is not a knocking shop.

You are completely in the right here @Anditsyourcat .

Bloody men, your son and your DH both gaslighting you.

Does make you wonder!!

Absolutely not!! I’m 38 and even if my mum stayed in my house I would be mortified to even think about bedroom
activities. It’s your house, you shouldn’t feel uncomfortable. I don’t care what age he is that’s just plain rude. I don’t even know how these girls are not completely embarrassed.

I assume the women are prostitutes.

In what world would what you suggest be unreasonable?!

That’s revolting of him. I’d be embarrassed that I’d raised him to be so disrespectful of others. I would also be fuming that he felt he could invite strangers into the house without your permission- obviously if he was living there long term then there would presumably be an agreement on whether he could bring women he didn’t know into the house but when it’s not been agreed to first, that’s appalling behaviour

That’s not what gaslighting means. Gaslighting is when you try to tell someone that something didn’t happen when you each know very well it DID happen.

What a little sod.

I'm in my 50s and married for over 20 years, I'd NEVER have sex in earshot of a parent!!

You are definitely not being unreasonable. Let him stay at his friend's, you will both be happier

He's his father son for sure.
Talk about low class.
Explains so much.🙄

He sounds immature for a 27 yr old.

Why should you feel uncomfortable in your own home. Good riddance I say.

Yes the son disrespected the op, yet he’s saying she overreacted and the DH agrees. So they are both telling her the disrespect didn’t happen but clearly it did.

HTH

Nice work if you can get it. Hope he wasn't on a zoom call

Sounds like a good result if he's moved out.

Might be women he knows or has met online.

He’s embarrassed and going on the defensive. Not acceptable, he should be apologising. I’d be so dissappointed in my ds if he reacted like that.

I’d also be livid with dh for not backing you up when it is an issue of basic respect..

No you don’t apologise. You just say to your son ok that’s great I get my Mondays and Fridays back

hes an absolute man baby, and your husband is just as bad saying you over reacted you should not be made to feel uncomfortable in your own home

He's flounced off! lol.
Leave him to do it and enjoy not having to hear your kid shagging in your own home :-)