Partner never wants to do anything …Aibu?

[inkyspells]

My partner works 8-4 Monday to friday
Then 1 out of 2 Saturdays 9-1
Anytime I suggest doing anything he says “no I only get that time off I want to rest “
I booked as a surprise a night away on Saturday and he’s told me to cancel it.
What makes me laugh is two weeks ago he finished work at 1pm and drove 4 hours down the other end of the country for a work meeting the next day -stayed up with his work colleagues till 3am ..to start a conference at 8am
Then drank till 1 am that night as well.

So he’s too tired to do anything on a weekend but will happily do that?
aibu to think that’s rubbish?
so we just never do anything on a weekend and he just sleeps then ? Or lies in bed
Aibu ?

You have your dinner in bed???

Jesus he sounds so boring.

Life is too short to sit in bed eating dinner.

You’re a long time dead as my step-grandma (Irish) used to say.

I take it kids aren’t involved?

I had a husband like this once, OP. "Had" being the operative word. He's still sitting around on his arse watching the television all day every day, wondering why I left him, whilst I've completed another degree, mastered some new hobbies, travelled, and married another man who enjoys those things. Sounds like you and your partner want different things form life, and it doesn't sound like being with him is going to meet your needs.

This ☝️ nailed it 💯

Me and my hubby may have different friends, interests and hobbies.
But on the whole, we laugh and enjoy each others company and make time for eachother every week.
Even if it is for a weekly hour or two together, just us having:
a nice (date night) meal out together 😋
Or a gym session 💪
Or a walk in the park 💐

That's besides eating together in the house/watching TV/being intimate etc.

Edited to add: You need to have a serious think, followed by a serious conversation with him.
I would personally be walking away. Life is too short to feel neglected by your partner. 🫂 @inkyspells

Eating your dinner in bed? Bit grim. I wouldn’t be making a meal for the lazy bastard to take upstairs for a start.

If you're bored now, and I don't blame you for being so, how are you going to feel in 5 years, 10 years, 20 years time? Are you going to regret not leaving him sooner?

You’re so young to be living like you’re nearly dead!! Go out, every night this week, just to do something. Go away on your own. Have a great time. Think about life, and you’re not 40 so you need to think about how you want to spend the next 40 years of it. Go to a pub or bar and people watch- they will be 40 year olds having fun. Decide what you want and take it, and if it’s not him well that’s life. He made choices, to not care about what you want, and to prioritise himself, and spend his energy on other people, and sometimes choices have consequences.

You just sound really mismatched.

You want to enjoy your life and make the most of it, he just wants to rest.

Sounds like he was happy to party with work colleagues once already on the spot, but will default to just resting given the chance.

Given you know that about him, I don’t think booking a weekend as “a surprise” was a good idea - sounds like you knew he wouldn’t want to go and hoped he would feel obligated once it was booked. That is a bit manipulative.

That’s not to say you are wrong to want to do things with your life, you’re not, just that this wasn’t the way to go about it.

The way to go about it is to finish with him I think! Then plan things with friends or go on your own.

Go on the night away. Either on your own or take a pal. Use the time to figure out if this is the rest of your life or not.

This is a dreadful existence. I spent over 7 years with my ex who always 'wanted to rest', weekend in, weekend out. And every evening too. I wasn't asking for much, perhaps a walk, going to the cinema, out for lunch, breakfast, even an activity at home (board games etc) anything that he could suggest. He couldn't suggest anything as he simply wanted to do nothing but watch TV and play on his phone.

It was pitiful. I took to doing things with my friends instead. He had no friends of his own, I wonder why?!

Some people are happy living life like that, i eventually plucked up the courage to leave. This was years ago. I am now pregnant and just bought first house with my partner. My partner makes plans for us off his own back, whether it is out the house or activities at home, he is already planning our first date night out after the baby arrives. To me this is normal, your partner should want to do things with you.

Sitting at home is no life. But particularly because he seems to make an effort to do things with work colleagues. How long have you been together? How much longer can you go on like this? It will not change no matter what they say, people do not change fundamentally.

I work full time, so does my partner. I have two trips planed - two weeks in May and two weeks in July. Since March, we've been away on a long weekend in the UK and a day out every other Sunday hiking. We also go for a nature walk at least once mid week.
We are both busy with full time work, hobbies taking most evenings and usual life admin. Somehow, it never occurred to us to sit at home every evening watching TV just because we have an annual holiday planned.

Ha ha totally agree! Why would you possibly do anything in between now and a holiday in 8 weeks time! 🤔

He gets in from work and goes to bed
We eat tea in bed

Why do you go along with this nonsense??!!!!

“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?”
Mary Oliver