To think it would be almost impossible to work FT as a single mum?

[singlemamaofone]

As title. I’m a single mum to a toddler. My child lives with me 100% of the time, we currently live with my parents. I have a great support network but I am ‘solo’ in the sense that all the parenting defaults to me, if she is unwell or needs time off, I’ll be the only one who can do it. I really love my job. I’ve done 3 days since going back to work but would love to maybe do 4 in the ideal situation, but can’t help but think that will just be harder to cover, school holidays/absence from childcare wise, and then I’d have to pay for more childcare as the funded hours wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not a high earner by any means but earn just too much for any support with it. If I dropped my hours further, I’d get support, but that defeats the point as I wouldn’t need it. Also trying to think long term for my career and pension and the future I will hopefully one day build for us.

How do other single parents do it? Is it going to be much easier to just continue to do 3 in this situation?

Breakfast club and afterschool club when they reach school age, a nursery with good hours beforehand. You do need to make sure you work near where you live though. A big commute makes childcare tricky.

Nursery, Breakfast & after school clubs. I couldn't have afforded my mortgage (had to buy DS dad out) if I'd only worked three days. Not easy, but doable and worth it.

Can you work from home at all or have some flexible working? That helps a lot. As does proximity to nursery/school as a PP said.

Only a little. Two days out of three I have to be out the house, sometimes far away as I travel about with my current role. I could be as near as 20 mins from home or as far as an hour. I can’t afford to really live any nearer to work even if I up my hours

Breakfast club and after school club - ours are technically available from 7.30am - 630pm.

My daughter was in a similar situation but lived with 6-month old in own house. I had GC one day a week but, because I still worked, couldn't do more at the time. GC went to a nursery from 6m (when she had to go to work) for the rest of the days and, when The Knob left to live with his OW, she extended nursery hrs to give her time to travel and work full time and still do drop offs. If GC was ill, they still went to nursery (upset tum, she took parental/annual leave). When GC started at school, the routine was similar as she found someone to do drop offs etc. Holidays? Well, we sort of fudged it, she booked leave, the nursery had them 3 days a week and I still did one. We were extremely lucky that there were no emergencies and that her job gave her slight flexibility (no wfh though). GC now 18 and we managed 😊. Would one/both parents commit to something on a regular basis? Could you afford full-time nursery or a childminder as an extra? A lot of it is to do with finding the right person. Not much advice, I'm sorry, but I do sympathise 💐

I’m a single parent to 2 kids, 100% of the time, no family support. Have to work full time or wouldn’t be able to afford to live, wrap around care at school and holiday clubs in school holidays is what I use. I’d love to work part time but it’s not realistic financially

I’m a single mum and have 2 kids age 11 and 8 and work 30 hours over 4 days. I need the extra day for my sanity and also the flexibility for if one of the kids is unwell / there’s some school thing I have to go to and I have to make time up, etc. Plus childcare in the holidays. It is entirely different working full time when you have a hands on partner so don’t let people in couples tell you that they do it and it’s very easy. I do my best and can’t do everything, I already feel like I have so much on my plate already, I took 3 weeks off work earlier this year due to burnout / stress.

Thank you! It’s so reassuring to hear you managed it, the situation sounds similar

Yeah this is my worry, I worry there’s no margin or breathing room for anything to run any less than smoothly the more I work

Ditto although I had one child who is grown up now.
You make it work and you are fortunate to be living with your parents which makes an enormous difference.

It is funny reading your post because I have done it and looking back no idea how. I have no family around and friends all worked so have never had anyone bar myself to be there 100% of the time but I did it all. I am not looking for medals thrown at me but somehow it just worked out for me and thinking back I do not know how but it clearly can be done. Best of luck :)

I worked 5 days per week as a single mum with my eldest. I just didn’t have any other options. Yes it was super hard but not impossible

Lone parent here 100% of the time since twins were babies and eldest around 5…..personally if you really wanted to you could. Anything else is just an excuse.
plus you live with your parents - that’s way more support than most lone parent/single parents have and presumably you are paying less than market rate rent to your parents so could afford the childcare…..if you wanted to

I did it too. No family help at all, an ex who would never had them if I'll and only 4 days total in the summer!

5 days a week's, with travel, in office every day. What helped was a childcare provider who lived my kids and wouldn't call the minute they had a cold. I worked very hard and showed full commitment, so my boss was understanding when I really needed to take a day off without notice.

My kids were amazing. Confident, sociable and resilient. They really built a bond with the childcare staff. They enjoyed the activities. They lived being stimulated.

They are now brilliant adults and their boss love how they just get on with things without a moan. As a result, they've been put forward for promotions before other colleagues. They've never know any different than long week days.

Depends how much you want to do it, sounds like either option is feasible for you. Yes of course plenty of single parents work full time

'As far away as an hour'. That's not uncommon, loads of people do that commute every day. You talk as if youre travelling across the country, not to the next town down the road. 🤣

Its hard but there is no choice is there?

I wouldn’t unless I had to due to finances.

Some jobs offer termtime only contracts or annualised hours so you can work more in termtime and less in holidays and wfh / flexible hours. Mainly public sector that offers this and do generally have good pensions. At some points I’ve barely been better off month to month working than on benefits and only went to work for the pension contributions.

An hour away is a lot when you have no one who could step in if there was an emergency.

No. It’s not impossible. I did it for 17 long years with 3 children. I also did additional part time work when the oldest turned 16 to boost my income.

I think an hour is a long commute actually.

A lot of people do it but for just you with a young child it’s a bit risky for want of a better word. If you finish at 5 or even half five it doesn’t give much leeway for getting back in time for nursery / after school club closure and (I’ll be annihilated but what the hell) I would make all sorts of cutbacks before I made a child be in nursery or wraparound until 630 every day.

Completely doable!
Went back to 40 hrs a week when daughter was 7 months old as a single parent. Nursery is great as mine was open all year 7:30-6:30. School a bit harder but use after school and holiday clubs. She's 10 now so just starting to walk home by herself. Holidays are tricky but I get a good holiday allowance and take parental leave when needed. I'm also lucky work is only 5 minute drive so very close and only needed breakfast club if going to meetings further away a few times a year. Also I've been with my employer for nearly 15 years so its give and take, thats part of the reason I haven't left, even though I feel I should of progressed in my career by now.
Work really helped me feel "normal" after ppd as it gave me purpose and drive.

I was completely and utterly alone since my daughter was 18 months old. Marriage broke down and ex-husband completely absent. no family in the UK (all abroad). I worked full time all this time (daughter is now 16). I had a live-in nanny when she was younger but relied on wrap-around care afterwards. In the holidays, she usually went to my parents abroad.

Definitely possible to make it work 👍

Friends who have made this work had an au pair, which made all the difference in terms of cover but of course is much harder post Brexit and means you need a decent spare room, which is expensive.

Lots of sympathy OP.