To think it would be almost impossible to work FT as a single mum?

[singlemamaofone]

As title. I’m a single mum to a toddler. My child lives with me 100% of the time, we currently live with my parents. I have a great support network but I am ‘solo’ in the sense that all the parenting defaults to me, if she is unwell or needs time off, I’ll be the only one who can do it. I really love my job. I’ve done 3 days since going back to work but would love to maybe do 4 in the ideal situation, but can’t help but think that will just be harder to cover, school holidays/absence from childcare wise, and then I’d have to pay for more childcare as the funded hours wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not a high earner by any means but earn just too much for any support with it. If I dropped my hours further, I’d get support, but that defeats the point as I wouldn’t need it. Also trying to think long term for my career and pension and the future I will hopefully one day build for us.

How do other single parents do it? Is it going to be much easier to just continue to do 3 in this situation?

We private rented (which OP has the advantage of not having to afford).

We have no idea what OP is paying for board and lodgings with her parents or how long term this arrangement can be.

🙄

Are you absolutely certain that you don’t qualify for means tested support? If you haven’t checked the calculators online I would urge you to do so, you may be surprised. I was.

So are all the single parents on this thread who have said they had zero help not received any benefits? In that case you must surely be higher earners?

It’s def hard being a single working mum

I manage as have amazing friends and family who all help out one day each

it will get easier as they get older

Yes, I was a higher earner. No benefits and no family support, as all live abroad. It was rubbish and my salary (although good on paper) disappeared almost immediately. A live-in nanny was the only way I could work.

I work full-time as a single mother and always have done.

It’s hard, and was especially hard when my youngest was very young.

I think what you need are - cast iron childcare, backups for that childcare, the ability to work from home a couple of times a week, not too long a commute for in person days - spending more to live nearer to work if necessary, an understanding workplace when you need to make up time at unusual times of day.

Tbh it’s very hard - very hard to keep yourself healthy too.

Loving all the assumptions that after school clubs and holiday clubs are an option for everyone. There aren't any here. DS's primary school is shut by 4 and during the holidays. The council runs some holiday activities but they are typically something like 10 till 2 and for children on FSM so no use to working parents. Any childminder who you'd send your child to will have a waiting list. It's so so hard for lone parents with no back up, the fact that you can get help with childcare costs is irrelevant when there are no places. That said, I hope your plans work out and all goes well.

I did it with 2; solo parent with a 7 year old and newborn as he left in early pregnancy. No family nearby, ex didn’t see kids or financially support them so no choice but to work FT.
it nearly broke me in some ways but was amazing in others. Financially it was a disaster when they were little with wrap around care and nursery but years later my pension is way healthier than lots of my peers!

It’s hard but can be done. I had no choice. Work full time or lose my house! Nursery from 7.30am-6pm and then wrap around care when DD went to school.

im happy doing 3.5 days with my toddler, if i worked full time i would be over paying tax for that last day as id then be a higher rate payer and id get no help for the extra nursery days so id be working for about £25 a day. Id prefer to spend that precious time with my son.

The only suggestion here is to tag team with another parent and take turns with after school care

Yes she will be as soon as she moves out of parents unless she is a high earner

You can’t claim anything if you earn over around £25k, I don’t call that being a high earner!

Managed it for years with 2 DCs. Father nowhere in sight, parents lived in another country. Commute 1.5 hours. It was hard and I don’t look back on those days of bolting up and down the stairs of the tube station to get the train on time with any fondness. Luckily my childminder was absolutely wonderful and i had a lot of goodwill at work. Well, part was luck and part was down to me really nurturing those relationships. Things evolved, the kids got older, I wfh a lot more now and the commute to the office is much shorter so it can and does get better.

Another single parent of a toddler here (very minimal family support).Yes to all the above. Wrap around care and holiday clubs are the way to go. It's very common amongst parents now, even if they aren't single parents. It does help if you have a workplace that is a bit more understanding too.

It's great you have family to help a bit and are financially OK. In your shoes, I'm not sure I would want to work full time unless I needed to save for something.

@JustGotToKeepOnKeepingOn so how is everyone affording nursery & wraparound care?

Lone parent to 3 kids. Always worked FT (had to as no child support) mix of strategic holidays, clubs, some family help with pick ups / drop offs , swaps of child care with friends, wrap around child care. It was tough, but manageable. Worked about a mile from home. Could not have done it with a big commute.

Single parent here and have been most of my working life.

It's absolutely doable, but definitely not easy. I have no family here and my friends don't live in my area.

I teach, so holidays were never a concern (other than the odd week which didn't overlap when I worked in a different county to the one my kids went to school in).
Between nurseries and childminders, I found the latter far better for childcare. More reliable, more common sense (wouldn't call me out of work for a single loose nappy, for example - the nursery was terrible for that) and usually a bunch of them trading kids between each other to cover holidays. Also, better opening times - I can drop mine off at 7am and collect at 6pm, and more flexible in that I could pay extra to cover parents' evenings.

I currently use a mixture of childminder for the morning and after school club (which closes at 6, or 5pm on a Friday).

I am now a high earner and in middle management, so receive no help, but worked my way up there. When I started teaching, my salary was low enough to receive tax credits, which would cover most of the childcare fees. It was really tough around 30k when this suddenly dropped off a cliff edge, and started getting better again as the kids got older and needed less childcare. Now it's only the youngest, and they're at school, so wraparound care is around 400 a month, which is doable.

Money has always been tight, so we don't live in luxury, but I earn enough to have been able to buy a (shitty and cheap ex council) house. I drive a 20 year old car which does its job.

I cook from scratch most days. The house is looked after, but never in a way that I'd be able to invite a friend in without having to do a huge clean and tidy beforehand. I still have hobbies, but they take a backseat until the holidays arrive.

And so we get by.

Not impossible, but it is difficult as I know all too well as a lone parent.

I have to have flexibility with work regarding when I leave to make after school club on some nights, but I've worked at the same place pre DC and had already established myself by the time flex was needed - I couldn't walk into a new job on those terms. My job isn't stressful, I keep an eye on my phone in the evening but rarely have to log back in for anything unless it's a real emergency, which happens a couple of times a year at most. I do find it brain numbingly boring now, but I'm not in a position to find a more challening role right now.

And yes, I do find it insulting that people suggest not being able to make all your child's needs - speak for yourself!

It can be done, but it is difficult and tiring. My 3 children were 2, 4 and 7 when I started my nurse training. Some weeks were fine, when I was at uni. Other times I had a 40 hour week for months, working shifts and nights. All unpaid ☹️
I had a fabulous childminder, sometimes dropping the children off at 6am as I had to be on the ward at 7, and my dad helped out a lot. I was very lucky.

I am so glad I made it work. I have a great career, and my (now teen/20s) children have a great work ethic. I do look back and think how on earth did I do that though 😂😂

I was a lone parent with no support and always worked full time sometimes up to 3 hours from home, used the same childcare as other parents, nursery and then childminders.

I've never had any single parent colleagues or friends who work full time with primary age children. The one who does only increased to FT when their only child started secondary school, even then their child had weekends with their Dad.

I'm still 3 days a week and my youngest is at college. They need a lot of support and all the years struggling has given me some delightful bowel related health issues. I get universal credit to top things up.

I did 4 days a week from my being 21 months and 4. They did see their Dad on a Weds and Sunday tho and I had flexible working in a rather local job. I outgrew the job but stayed years as it allowed me to be Mum first, we were all pretty good at mucking in and supporting, covering each other.

Fast forward to now and I have another 3 year old too. Back to being single and I work self employed so can squeeze in work on an eve or weekend if I need to.

Lone parent here too, no family support. Always worked full time as can’t afford not to. I’m not a high earner (nhs ward manager level) but don’t qualify for benefits except child benefit. It’s bloody hard. I work as flexibly as my employer will allow, all my annual leave is for childcare, use holiday clubs when I have to.

it’s doable op just hard & it’s not a life I would have chosen for myself.