To think it would be almost impossible to work FT as a single mum?

[singlemamaofone]

As title. I’m a single mum to a toddler. My child lives with me 100% of the time, we currently live with my parents. I have a great support network but I am ‘solo’ in the sense that all the parenting defaults to me, if she is unwell or needs time off, I’ll be the only one who can do it. I really love my job. I’ve done 3 days since going back to work but would love to maybe do 4 in the ideal situation, but can’t help but think that will just be harder to cover, school holidays/absence from childcare wise, and then I’d have to pay for more childcare as the funded hours wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not a high earner by any means but earn just too much for any support with it. If I dropped my hours further, I’d get support, but that defeats the point as I wouldn’t need it. Also trying to think long term for my career and pension and the future I will hopefully one day build for us.

How do other single parents do it? Is it going to be much easier to just continue to do 3 in this situation?

I know this is hard to hear but you need to throw everything you can at your career now. It’s the finances which is a constraining factor, the more you earn the more money you have to throw at the issues you talk about.

I say this as a completely lone parent of many years with no child support. I had a live in nanny, which left me with pretty much nothing after bills but I got to focus on my career and was able to commit to it. You need to find a solution unfortunately.

I think people fork out for an au pair in truth, when they work hours outside of nursery/afterschool club hours anyway. This would be an issue for me if DH and I ever separated. I leave early in the morning to commute (1.5 hr commute on average) and get home fairly late as a result of the commute too. I wouldn’t be able to make it work without an au pair or maybe flexible childminder if they exist…

You’ll soon be past the stage when childcare sucks up every last spare penny and then you’ll be glad you kept a hand in work.

Off course, you can work full time, I went back pt when dc was 6 months and ft at 9 months. Think in advance about childcare, I had an excellent childminder who I paid a monthly flat rate which covered inset days and holidays as well as aftershool ( used breakfast club too), however this came after building up a relationship which included me paying her while dc was at state nursery as that was 1/2 days.
You appear to have better support than I did ( all GPs dead , dc father limited contact including none for a few years and dying while dc still at primary)
It is tricky at first but totally doable and I am glad when I look at my pension and the future, however if I didn't have a mortgage/pension / career type job, I am not convinced that I would have worked ft when dc were little.

I'm a single Mum to 3 children aged 9-15, one with additional needs. I work in a school and work full time in term time and then have to work three weeks of the school holidays.

Term time I rely on breakfast club and after school club for my youngest. Luckily I live near work and the children's schools so that makes things a little easier. In the holidays I use holiday clubs, my Mum will help when she can too and the oldest will be on his own or meet up with friends.

It's hard work, I'm constantly exhausted, the house is always a mess but I had to go full time to get a mortgage to buy a home for us after the kids Dad and I got divorced. I managed to get a mortgage which took into account my wages, the top up I get from universal credit and child maintenance and the kids are very settled now. I would love to reduce my hours slightly but just can't afford to now I have the mortgage. Once the kids have left school my financial situation will change for the worse and I'll have to sell and downsize.

I'd Ideally like to work from home to give me a bit more flexibility and make it easier if the kids are off school I'll etc as my current employer isn't very understanding but I've been there a good few years so at least it is a secure job and pays the bills.

Single parent 100% of the time. Changed career when daughter was about 3 and have always worked full time. Wouldn’t be able to afford rent/food/clubs otherwise! Gets so much easier after primary when they’re more independent with travel but breakfast club and after school care are your friend. And if you parents or anyone else can do a few drop offs or pick ups - or even if they are just around in case of a commute disaster (I’ve been there!) that’s a massive weight off.
I would agree with others who say career also needs to be looked at as an investment - I’ve massively valued the ability to step up into promotions as she’s got older. Think about your pension too - the cumulative impact could be huge.

Also are you sure about not getting any childcare help at all? even tax free childcare?

How did you drop kids off, travel three hours, do four hours of work and drive back again?

Op didn’t say she didn’t get any help - she mentions the funded hours.

Initially, I used childminders but I found it expensive and also it was a PITA having to get two DC out to the childminders before work and then race back to pick them up and all of that. Once my youngest was coming up for 3, I moved both my DC into one room and had an au pair for about 8 years (obviously different au pairs). It was much more affordable and also meant that the DC could be at home after nursery / school etc. The au pair covered approx 30 hours of childcare a week for free accommodation and pocket money. I provided meals with us too. Most of them were great and we are still in touch 15+ years later. I did have one howler who had to go after a month and one where it felt like a long year, but all in all, it was a great way to do it. I don't know if it is still possible post-Brexit, but it is worth exploring.

This is how I did it too. 👍

Yes I can’t imagine how you work and care for a child. It feels unnatural for me to put mine in nursery. Goodness knows what I’ll do

There really is no choice

we need to work to pay the bills and I wouldn’t say it feel unnatural

dd knows I have to work and hope /think she appreciates what I do for us

Well it’s the reality of life for most people now as few of us can afford to have a stay at home parent so your imagination is a bit limited.

Even 25 years ago when I had my first baby all my NCT group were back at work by 6 months. Things are actually better now- a lot of mums take a year of ML if they can afford it and most employers realise they have to accommodate parents in the workforce whereas back in the day part-time working was quite a rare option in most office jobs above admin assistant level.

So many people who have done it/are doing it.

i haven’t managed it. Two children. One with sen that rules out almost all holiday clubs etc. Also can’t manage after school care/clubs - especially when younger. In order to manage with the demands of the school week, they needed to go home straight after school and rest/decompress.

No other family support at all. None. The only childcare was paid for. We had an amazing babysitter who was also a qualified nanny and she was the only person who could take over and I knew everything would run smoothly. But so expensive.

Not all children CAN do 8-6 in childcare. It depends on the setting of course. But we also have extremely long holidays and most camps are 9-3 or mornings only. Also the good ones (where I knew both children would be safe and actually happy to go!) were SO expensive.

The op mentions being up to an hour away and people seemed to scoff at that.

When school calls to say your child has fallen in the playground/has a temperature/is upset and IT’S ONLY YOU, it is a big deal being an hour away. It really is.

The thing I don't understand about the people saying there are no holiday clubs around them etc is - if the OP lives in an area like that, how is she going to manage 3 days a week either? It's not like part time completely removes this issue.

I’ve worked full time ever since going back from maternity leave, just needed to financially really. To start with I claimed help towards my rent and childcare (although this was about 10 years ago so appreciate a lot has changed since then!)

since I’ve just worked my absolute ass off for promotions etc and just bought my first home on my own, my DD is now 14. Never had any help with things like when daughter was sick, no help from her dad during school holidays and so on I’ve done 99% of it by myself with the odd day here and there from my mum but I could count those on one hand. I relied on nursery when she was young, then after school and breakfast club until secondary. I live near her school and near my work which helps hugely as I don’t need to factor in a long commute and since lockdown I’ve worked from home (permanently for a time of about 6 months) and then 2 days a week over the last few years. It’s been bloody hard at times juggling it all myself with a full time job but I’ve managed to build up a decent pension pot and be able to save to buy a home (taken many years and a few promotions to do it though!)

I think you do need to strike the right balance though and work out what is realistically practical given your individual set of circumstances and also look at what you might be prepared to sacrifice to meet your own goals/things you want for your family in the future.

edited to add I also used a childminder around school pick ups/half terms/summer holidays etc for a time when needed.

Yep! And I was left with a £1100 a month mortgage with £700 pcm for childcare! All my friends in P/T jobs got HB and benefits but I would have lost my house. Not a competition but bloody hell it was hard!

I’m a single parent and always worked PT when dd was younger, tax credits and child benefit helped keep my head above water.

Its not impossible though, most of my single parent friends work FT.

Childminder? Work PT? Grandparents?

There’s other options that nursery.

YANBU!

What? Of course it's possible. How could a single mother support herself and her child/ren without a full time job? I'm not a single mother but those I know all work full time. They have good professional careers and manage fine as far as I can see, though they aren't earning huge amounts.

In some cases though (not necessarily OP) part time help from family/friends may be possible where full time isn't. Less time to cover = better chance of getting cover.

Nonsense. A child's needs can be met with a parent or parents who work full time. You may think it's "unfair" for a child to be in full-time childcare, but that doesn't make it true. IMO there's nothing remotely unfair about it.

Look at childminders rather than nursery. I had a brilliant one and they tend to be a bit more flexible around illness etc (when mine had a sniffle etc childminder was fine, my friend using nursery had issues).

School age use wraparound care and holiday clubs.