To think it would be almost impossible to work FT as a single mum?

[singlemamaofone]

As title. I’m a single mum to a toddler. My child lives with me 100% of the time, we currently live with my parents. I have a great support network but I am ‘solo’ in the sense that all the parenting defaults to me, if she is unwell or needs time off, I’ll be the only one who can do it. I really love my job. I’ve done 3 days since going back to work but would love to maybe do 4 in the ideal situation, but can’t help but think that will just be harder to cover, school holidays/absence from childcare wise, and then I’d have to pay for more childcare as the funded hours wouldn’t be worth it. I’m not a high earner by any means but earn just too much for any support with it. If I dropped my hours further, I’d get support, but that defeats the point as I wouldn’t need it. Also trying to think long term for my career and pension and the future I will hopefully one day build for us.

How do other single parents do it? Is it going to be much easier to just continue to do 3 in this situation?

@XelaM if the OP had a job which covered a live in nanny, I would guess she wouldn’t be questioning whether working FT was worth it,

I think it is hard OP, for one wrap around care isn’t free, it would be £125 a week at my dcs school.

I was a single parent until the last year of primary school.
I worked FT and didn’t get any maintenance and there was no contact made by child’s father so I was entirely solo. My parents still worked FT themselves so no childcare from them.
I used private nurseries and then childminders.
There were no funded hours back then and no help with childcare costs.
It was expensive and difficult and I had very little spare money but it was doable. Just.

It's not impossible at all. I work full time and I'm a single parent to 3 kids who are with me full time, their dad sees them for ~4 hours a week and I have very little support from family. I use full time nursery for the youngest and wraparound care/holiday clubs for the middle one. Eldest is at secondary school which helps.

I found full time work ok while my DS was in primary. For quite a few years I worked just less at 34 hours a week so he did breakfast club everyday but only had to do after-school club 2 days a week. We had to use holiday clubs in the school holidays.

Slightly harder for the first year of secondary and I had to cut my hours down for one year. But this was mostly as he's autistic and we wanted to get the transition right before tackling him getting the bus to and from school. He's been managing that himself since year 8 and I'm back full time again.

I don't really understand - genuinely sorry if I am being dim - why three days is doable but five isn't? You'll still need to have childcare, wraparound, school holiday clubs, cover sick days either way? Just a bit more of it.

Because funded hours covers a greater proportion of the hours.

Because if child is sick on a nursery day, you may be able to put them in on a non-nursery day to catch up. Or if they are sick for two days but only one is a nursery day, it’s less of an ask from work to have a short notice vacation day,

This.

Currently grappling and grieving the possibility of continuing working due to SEN but hanging in there and exhausting all options before giving up.

It is doable, and brilliant if you do have support, even just emotional support helps, to say when its hard and feel validated.

My aim is to get term time hours but its not possible yet.

as a single (lone) parent you need to throw everything you can at your career to make sure you can provide for your kid. I think you may not be asking the right question here, it’s not just about how many hours you work but have you got a career path to be financially secure- I note you live with your parents but what’s the long term plan?
editing to add- very glad I never stopped working. I became a single mum of 3 when the youngest was 5 and I was working full time in a decent career so could afford a smaller but nice house and was able to maintain standard of living. No family support nearby but working from home since Covid has been a game changer in not needing to take time off for school hols etc- only doable once kids are secondary age tbf

I sort of get the funded hours point.

Not sure about the others - most nurseries won't let you move a day as they have their ratios to maintain and can't take extra kids

If you only work 3 days, missing one day is 1/3 of your week, so really hard to catch up on, if you work 5 days, you can more easily make up time

I did say “may” - and I think some (not all) nurseries aren’t full/bang on ratio on Fridays because if parents choose any day not to work, it’s Friday.

ETA or you may be lucky that a child in your year group is on holiday that week

I was a single parent for years and always worked full time.

Childminder, breakfast clubs, after school clubs annual leave, some help from parents but not until dd was 7 and covid hit.

I got zero help because on paper I learnt too much.

No offence to anyone - but you're right it is impossible to work FT AND meet all of their needs properly.

Stay 3 days a week until theyre school age - then go to 5 days and do 9-3 or 9-4pm (using after school clubs). They deserve time in their own home and time with you.

Your kids are only small once and I really do think its unfair to put them in full time childcare.

I did, I put DD into nursery at 5 months old, 7.30 to 6.30 and worked full time with a city commute. When she started school, wrap around started at 8 and finished at 6 so I found a new job much nearer to home and school. It did make things easier as I still worked full time. Of course there are still all of the primary school assemblies, events etc you need to go to and taking time off when they’re ill

I did 3 days when DS was at nursery, then 4 days term time and 2 holiday time during primary. I used breakfast, after school, holiday clubs, childminders and I used all my annual leave allowance for sickness/holidays.
I always had Mondays off to cover bank hols. It was bloody tiring even part time!

Are you a single parent or do you have another household income?

Not all single parents have this option financially.

Done it, and will do it again in the future. Currently back in HE upskilling, which has given me three years of breathing space. But come next July I’ll be back at the coalface again. It’s really hard, but I just cobble it all together. Becomes a lot easier as DC get older.

No offence taken - but you obviously don’t need to work FT and if you do, you clearly have support.

I've managed it for 15 years. Ds & I left his dad when ds was 2. No family support. We moved to a new town where I got a new job. It was a rush but I found a lovely childminder so I could leave our flat at 8.30, drop 2yo ds at 8.40 and be at my desk at nine.

That lasted two years then I bought a house, ds started primary and the same arrangement applied. Always lived close to work & school. DS did ASC and I'd collect him at 17.45. Holidays were local council holiday club and annual leave. I planned everything 6 months in advance.

There were a few hiccups , they cancelled ASC on Fridays in his year 6, but I coped.

Then ds moved to secondary school and things got a bit easier. He'll go to university in September. We have a good relationship and he's confident, calm, happy.

I'm ready for a rest 😁 But it can be done.

I can’t speak for anyone else but I find it hard enough to work 30 hrs a week and meet all the needs of my two. But everyone’s circumstances are different.

Number of children
School situation
If SEN is at play
Finances
Involvement of other parent
Family support
Mental health
Nature of work

All of these things make a difference, it’s not one size fits all. Just because one single parent can do it doesn’t mean we all can.

But sometimes it is necessary and yes, it can be done. With careful planning, a reasonable income and some luck.

Id be asking myself the question, what would you do if there was no such thing as a welfare state to prop you up?

The cost of childcare is awful though, I grant you that.

Ideally people would only have children they can afford to support themselves. And if relationships break down, the father should be liable to support the child properly.

To awnser the quotes all in one hopefully:

No im not a single parent - but i had my child quite young and my DP didnt earn a lot. Together we pulled in about 36k annually. We private rented (which OP has the advantage of not having to afford). Once we had paid for childcare and all the bills, I genuinely think our take home would be on par with a single parent on benefits who would get help to pay rent and childcare.

We really did go without a lot. I worked 2 days then 3 then 4 - basically it was 1 extra day per year of DC life.

Once my DC was in school, this is when I really knuckled down and worked hard to make a career. With the breathing space of school essentially being free childcare. Covid made it easier still to not take time off for child sickness, school holidays etc... as I worked from home.

I now make a significant income and my DH earnings are also good - both finally homeowners. It didnt hurt my career in the slightest to not work FT when my DC was a toddler.

Thinking on it - i think being on shit money at the time made it easier to justify turning down FT work and focus on my child. Whereas if I was earning my current salary with a toddler - it would feel more sore to walk away from £40k by halving my work hours!

Also if you can WFH and the role will allow you to be fairly flexible - ie: logging in at 8pm to add another 3 hours to the working day, its much easier!

This was also 10 years ago! Nowadays it probably would be different! The same flat we rented for £725pcm is now £1200pcm. So perhaps I am being naive to not factor in the drastic increase to the COL now!