AIBU to think it's unhealthy to stop all hobbies and socialising during GCSEs

[Sleeptightdisgustingblob]

DD has GCSEs this year, she does dance two evenings a week and has a great group of friends there. Some of them have now said they won't be back at dance till after their GCSEs as they have to stop all their clubs and that they aren't allowed out at all socially either now.

I'm just struggling to understand this approach. I guess maybe it works for some children and I have told DD she just needs to support her friends and respect their parents decision. These are studious sensible girls though, they've worked throughout the two years.

I always kept hobbies, socialising and exercise going all the way through revision leave and exams. Surely it's better for our brains and our mental health not to work 24/7?

My only rule with DD is that we agree a time table for revising and she does her best to stick to it.

I saw friends breaking with stress and exhaustion because they had set punishing schedules , one really bright friend just melted on exam day after endless long days. Maybe that's shading my views a bit

Are you sure they only do one sport? Maybe it’s a break from dancing but still swimming and going to the gym or something

They've been told they have to stop all clubs and socialising apparently

People work in different ways. I could never sustain a schedule of studying every day for weeks and weeks - I would just cram like mad in the 1-2 days before each exam. Hopefully the parents have sat down and chatted with their teens about the best way to give it their all, but I don't think there's anything wrong with getting in the zone so to speak and removing distractions for a little while.

I gave up all my hobbies during my exam years. To be honest, it was things I had grown out of, and I was glad of the excuse. I studied - often with a friend - every weeknight instead.

I don't think there is anything wrong with keeping up hobbies. But, exams results are important, and set the path for your early adulthood, so nothing wrong with prioritising that either.

What works for one child, won’t for another. Amy Poehler uses a great phrase in her memoir, when it comes to our judgments of the choices others make: ‘good for her! Not for me’. I think giving up hobbies and socialising for a few weeks allows some kids to really focus. For others, they’d suffer without them. All of them different.

I'm not judging, I realise each child is different. I am just surprised I guess

They may well have made the choice themselves but be blaming their parents.

A lot of kids would feel stressed at the idea of trying to fit in all their usual clubs and social life as well as revision. They may feel calmer knowing they have freed up time and aren’t going to have to stick to such a strict timetable in order to fit everything in.

I remember feeling like I needed to go into “the zone” when revising. Kids are different.

And you are judging! Your thread title is about it being unhealthy to take this approach.

Yes, it's not helpful to drop everything, kids need some outlet for other things, although if they do multiple activities they might need to drop one or two.

DS is going to have a hard time getting down to revision next year (ADHD) but we absolutely we want him to keep going to Explorer Scouts so he has a break, and to make sure he sees his friends, something they've all only just got around to organising themselves (they all have ADHD too or are on autism spectrum so a little late to doing that for themselves!) but it's a better way to break up revision than more staring at a screen.

Oldest DC had a very packed schedule so gave up a couple of things in GCSE year, but DS has been less of a 'joiner' so he only really has Scouts anyway.

It’s horses for courses but I couldn’t cope with that personally.

My dd went for a lot of long walks during her GCSEs. But that’s something she enjoys.

Best to do something your enjoy, that’s different but that doesn’t pit pressure on you of a different kind, as some hobbies did

My DDs went to boarding school. Lessons paused apart from revision sessions and clubs carried on if DDs wanted to go. Mine found her routine benefitted her. However she was bright. Other dd needed more help with how to revise but never stopped dancing!

This!

My DS freed up his time by dropping all sport clubs and gaming between his mocks and finals. His choice, we never asked him too. He was never burnt out from revising, nor stressed, as he’d given himself ample time to revise and chill in between. Once exams were done he felt confident he’d given his all to them no matter the results. He then went straight back to his clubs etc… I hope my DD, currently in year 10, follows this method too tbh. It worked!

My kids dropped some stuff in their gcse years.

they did so so much out of school and it really didn’t kill them to drop eg county orchestra for a year.

gcses are important and year 11 is a fucking slog at the best of times. You don’t need to be worrying about doing music practice/getting selected for the team/whatever at the same time.

It depends entirely on what your kids aspire to. The professions - medicine, dentistry, pharmacology, vet science, law, accountancy are very very competitive now. Even a good 2:1 degree from a good uni won’t get you a job now in some fields.

GCSEs are the first tickets required to get them on the next train. If all else is equal, maybe the kid who got a lesser mark in a GCSE will be off the list compared to the kids who did better.

Even back in my day I didn’t know anyone in the A stream who didn’t stop extra curriculars when state exams were approaching.

Hmmmmm this is quite at odds with my experience. I pretty much only know doctors and lawyers (I’m one). The vast majority of my friends at university were - like me - dux of their school, but I don’t recall anyone who had taken the path of dropping everything else. Almost all played at least one instrument extremely well (most played more than one, including me), played at least one sport and many like me also worked throughout high school including around exams.

I don’t know what’s needed for everybody but if you spend time with really high achievers you’ll find they achieve across a range of activities. There are many benefits to these other activities, both in terms of concentration and focus during exams, and longer-term in university and working life applications.

If aiming high it’s also very important to learn how to study - just putting in hours is not enough. Learn the strategies now (some come directly from elite sport, in which many high academic achievers also participate) and maximise results.

Yeah I’m with you OP. Having multiple things going on teaches time management, as well as giving a much-needed break from study. And if they’re only dancing two evenings a week, it’s not a huge amount anyway so it should be easy enough to keep up with it if they wish.

I kept up with all my activities at that age (dance two evenings a week and cheer two evenings a week). Did I do great in GCSE? No because I was lazy and disinterested so didn’t put any effort in. Would making me quit dance have changed that? Also no, because it wasn’t about not having enough time or anything.

My DD is sitting her last ballet exam this year (and second to last jazz) and I actually think that’s beneficial for future employment too. It’s about showing commitment and that she can stick to something, and that she has actually done something that isn’t just school-related.

I agree to a point OP, but exams are literally days away now and will be over with in a matter of weeks. Now is the time to wind down some out of school activities and focus on GCSE’s. I certainly don’t believe in a teen being padlocked to their desk throughout May and June, but it’s also not appropriate to have “business as usual”.

My DC will keep going to the gym and has a few sporting commitments over the next few weeks. They’ll also hook up with friends at the weekends. But, the above will only happen if they’ve spent a good chunk of the day revising. If they’ve just messed around at home, the social stuff will be the first to go.

I don’t think it’s healthy either.

my ds is a swimmer and the train 8/9 times a week before and after school.

Each swimmer will adjust their schedule to accommodate exams etc and each person will do differing amounts depending on what they feel best for them but they don’t stop completely and find some routine and break away from studies is beneficial.

Depends on the child. My DD dropped everything, had a big planner, wanted particular food, put lavender spray on her pillow, talked about her exams all the time,and practiced meditation.

My DS is completely different - we’re not discussing them and are pretending they’re not happening. He will do well and he’s working hard, but he copes much better when he’s in his routine and everything is business as usual. I’ll get in extra snacks and all the meals over the next 6 weeks will be his favourites, but I won’t mention any of this to him.

I think it's important for kids to have down time during their GCSEs, and keeping up hobbies a couple of times a week isn't unreasonable at all. But some kids want their downtime to be more about chilling, not doing something else that has expectations of them. So stopping for a couple of months isn't unreasonable either.

It depends on the child and on what they want to achieve.

I don't think stopping a few hobbies for a couple of months to revise is that deep but GCSEs are a long game and to get the top grades kids need to have been working & revising throughout the two years of the course really, you can't really cram successfully.
There is a lot of content to learn for GCSE and the exam weeks are a long slog so preserving energy is also needed. Some kids will need a hobby for downtime & to keep their energy up, for others pursuing a hobby on top will be too much.

Just go with what suits your child but do take the exams seriously & encourage your child to, it's a competitive market out there and getting the best grades they can is advisable.

I mentor a sixth former at work, coming up to his A levels. We sat over a coffee and put together a workable study timetable for him that included time for him daily. In his case an overload of revision would absolutely overwhelm him so manageable chunks was the way to go.
kids need to be able to step back from it for a while for their own mental health.

Some people seem to think this is because I don't take the exams seriously. It's quite the opposite. I think you do better in exams if you don't overwork. I have seen people crumble because their brain is frazzled by exam time.

If you have worked throughout the two years (and before) then you don't need to wildly cram. You want to be fresh in the exam hall to really answer the questions in front of you. And you need to have a sensible amount of adrenaline on the day but be mentally in a good place

5 or 6 hours a day is ample. After that your brain isn't going to absorb information

I don’t think it can be unhealthy at all for such a short period of time and such a young, healthy person.

it’s just a decision- it might appear joyless, but not unhealthy.

Was it them deciding or their parents?

If it was them, maybe they are just aware of their limitations and know they will get overwhelmed. I stopped most of my dancing (5-6 sessions a week at my busiest) the last couple of months before A levels (and took some back up at university) but I kept my babysitting jobs and still occasionally went out with my friends.

A shame for the club and DD not to see her friends there, but it’s not your business what other teens / their parents do. You’re judging by being ‘surprised’.